www.incontinentsupport.org

This is my first post on this forum - i'm really greatful to have found this place. Propably like many others i have felt teribly alone about this problem. Part of this because of many articles suggest that incontinence of young adults are very rare. I'm 30 years old man from Denmark and trying to accept my problem with increasing daytime urge and nighttime wetting. Yesterday i took the first step to get help by talking to my doctor. It's been long time underway but fear of being humiliated and not taken serious have kept me from contacting my doctor. Over a period of about 4 months my nighttime wetting frequency have gone from about a couple of times every month to about 3 times every week since july. During the day I have gone from about 10 times to the toilet to about 15-18 times. My wife have been very supporting and understading. Though needless to say it's quite a struggle to stay positive and supportive when i need to wake her up - or even more embarysing when she wakes me up because of a wet bed. She has pushed on for me to contact the doctor and last week I finally ordered a time. Yesterday i went in for a talk and initial checks - I was very nervous, hands shaking and my armpits was soaked.

He started out by asking a number of questions about how much fluid i drink, if I was stressed, how the problem affected my day to day business and so on. nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, although the sudden increase of nighttime incontinence worried him - he actually suggested me to drink a bit more water during the day due to headackes. On to the checks, he asked me to pee in a cup to check for UTI - nothing. Afterwards he asked me to drop the pants for a visiual inspection. To end the thing he asked me to lie on my side and he did a rectal exam - I assume to check my prostate. Everything seemed normal. He then gave me a sheet to record the amount of fluid i drink and pee during a regurlar day and if I experience any uncontrolled accidents. Next week he wants me to come i with the sheet and for blood tests. He suggested that because of my age and general good health condition I should see an Urologist. Until then he also told me that it was no shame to use incontinence protection.

My wife and I had the big talk last night. As i told she is very supporting and tells me that it hurts her a lot to see me sad about this whole thing. We discussed the topic of incontinence protection and even though I was very sceptic to start out we agreed that a soaked diaper was better than a soaked bed. I felt very dificult about being in tape on diapers - it just seems too much baby-ish for me at the moment. We ended out ordering a couple of bags of Abena Abri San 10 and a pack of 3 fixation pants, hopefully these will be enough for overnight protection. I must say I seriously have to work on how to present myself to my wife the first night i wear these..

Once again thank you for all the info in this forum it has really helped me a lot, starting out this process. Maybe one day I won't feel like a completely worthless piece of man. Right now my self esteem has take a big hit by just ordering the protection pads...

Couldnt have said it better myself, its only been no more then a week sense Ive found this grouop and Im already finding out new things from these vets. Only being 22 im not sure if my condition will permanent or not, but knowing there are people out there to help me along the way is amazing.

(Sorry for biggy backing of your first post)

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Bob

Welcome to the Group, sorry to read of your issues, but let's hope the trip to see the Urologist will find some reason and answers to what is happening. In the mean time, wear what you need to, put on a pair of boxers over top, and act like it's no big issue, to your wife it isn't but in our heads it always is a bigger deal to us then anyone else! Keep us posted! Puffy

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Puffy
BC, Canada
Fighting the "Bladder Battle" since 1995

Zawn

You do need to see your doctor and follow his/her advice. An adult diaper is no big thing to a doctor, so do not feel stressed about that. And yes you really need to see a urologist, he/see can give you some great advice about incontinence. There are medications that may help and there are procedures that can help, a urologist is the best person to explain your options.

It is no shame to wear an adult diaper, think of it as just your underwear. An adult diaper is not “babyish” it is what you need to be active and do the things you want to do. No one needs to know you are wearing an adult diaper, unless you tell them.

Remember if you have any questions about your incontinence ask them here, you will get lots of friendly help from us.

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RetiredRN

Thank you all for your support. I know that by stating that tape-on diapers seems “babyish” I risk offending many users on this forum. Sorry, that was not my intention and I only realized this after my posting. The fact is that it’s all in my head. The gigantum pads that I have ordered are exactly the same as tape on diapers, just without the tabs and for me that makes it somehow a little easier to accept. We’ll see how these will work and hopefully take care of the problem on Monday when the delivery is scheduled.



Last night I had another accident and we had to get up and change everything. My self esteem have reached an all time low and it is very difficult to stay positive. I feel terrible about the way I handle the situation. My wife is my solid rock and I love her to the moon and back, she supports me and all she wants is for me and us as a couple to be happy. However many times when we talk about my nighttime wetting I feel like I can’t handle the situation and reject her. Usually it ends up with me going outside in our yard to do some weeding, hacking up firewood or some other physical work. After some time I come back in and we pretend like nothing has happened. This routine of handling the issue is wearing me down and I know that it’s on my hands to change things – I just don’t know how. Essentially I want to deny my problem, although I perfectly well know that won’t get me anywhere. Since people in this forum seems to have so much experience with the troubles of being incontinent, I was wondering if you have any specific tips or strategies for coming to terms with your condition and talking freely with your man/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend about the topic?

Welcome Zawn. I am sorry that you have incontinence problems.

All of us have had the same emotional response to realizing that we are incontinent and need to wear some form of absorbent protection. That was a very difficult decision.

Pullups can be o.k. for mild incontinence but are not nearly as effective as taped diapers. Taped diapers have greater total absorbency and leak less than taped diapers. Taped diapers will fit you better and that will help to prevent leaks. The internal standing leak guards inside most good adult diapers also help to prevent leaks.

Zawn, needing to wear diapers does not make you any less adult or masculine. Remember, you will be wearing diapers for a medical condition that is not under your control. At one time probably all of us considered diapers to be "babyish" but, over time, changed our attitudes on that topic. I no longer make that association. To me today, my adult diaper is just my normal undergarment - and I am grateful to have it.

Many of us have a reusable (washable) absorbent bed pad to protect the bed.

This is a very stressful period in your life. Feel free to ask any question here or just vent your frustration (as most of us do from time to time). You can send a personal message (PM) to any of us if you wish to ask a particularly personal question that you do not wish to post to the forum.

Please do make an appointment with a urologist. He has knowledge, skills, and experience with incontinence that your regular doctor does not have.

--John

Zawn,
Welcome to the group and yes your wife is right, a wet diaper is better than a soaked bed. You will adjust over time but hopefully a urologist can help you.

Zawn Welcome to our group

Reading over you post it looks like you have a loving and supportive wife thats a big help,in accepting you need to wear protection. when Bladder issues first stsrt its easy to deny or convince your self its just a couple of times its nothing to worry about but when the accidents keep happening its time to admit and accept you need to wear protection.

Its time to Accept you need to be diapered at least for now untill you see an urologist to see if they csn find the cause and offer a real soulution. Taped premium diapers handle floods way better then pullups, pads or male guards.

Finding the right product that works best for you takes a bit of trial and error so you should order some samples of different brands of taped premium diapers so you have them on hand incase the product you orderd does not work out.
rember different manufactures cut their diapers differently so some times you need a size up or down depending on the brand so I would recommend ordering 2 sizes of each sample diaper if you are close to the start or end size of their chart.

Its better to be over protected then under protected, leaks in public are no fun and they will happen but with a proper fiting absorbant diaper they happen less often.

find a diaper or product thst you can trust to manage your IC issue and it will be easier to deal with the random floods. its takes a while but eventualy you won't panic or react when you blader releases with out warning.

Remember you are not alone in having to wear protection, we all dont like it but diapers keep our pants dry and enable us to get on with our lives, It gets easier over time and you will get to the point thst changing and wearing in public will be an none issue no one can tell you are wearing unless you tell them or react to a flood.

hope you come to terms with your need for protection and that you get a urologist appointment quickly

Rob

Welcome to the group. I hope you find the support you need here and from your doctors. I think that you will find that a tape-on diaper makes your condition much easier to manage. It's important to keep in mind that a diaper is part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Add my welcome to those above. Wearing protection is not infantile; rather, it is an adult's decision to manage a medical condition so as to minimize its impact on one's employment, social life, and family life. It is merely being considerate of one's bed partner. Good luck and keep us informed.