Inco.....and DL?

[DDS]

DJ - You are right to say that I have anger issues. I've only been without bladder control since 1998 and I remember what my life was like before the accident. Do I wish that I had total continence? Most definately. I have however accepted that I do not have control of my bladder functions and that to live now what I consider a normal active lifestyle that I must include wearing protection 24/7. It has become a part of my daily routine and has been for quite some time now. I know that I am doing what I need to do to function on a day to day basis but I still get angry from time to time. Not so much the "why me" anger as much as the anger from having to deal with it, period. Do I like having to spend the money for purchasing diapers, plastic pants, wipes and other supplies as well as the time and money it takes to wash my cloth diapers? Absolutely not. I'm not looking for pity. I got off of my pity pot a long time ago. Sometimes though I have to let the anger out (it's not healthy to hold anger in) and when I see the ab/dl crowd enjoying what most of us wish we didn't need to deal with I get angered. I know that I do not understand the fetish some people have with diapers and I probably never will but there sure seems to be lots of them out there. I am glad that there is a community of incontinent individuals out there and on this site that are there to support each other because this is not easy for any of us.

[Papa]

DDS, Right on! We are angry, at least at times, that we have to deal with diapers. A fetish is a fetish and has NOTHING to do with what we deal with. The abdl group is just that, a group. We don't have to understand them any more than we have to understand any other fetish. We don't get upset at people with a foot fetish or food fetish or any other fetish because they do not "bump" into our lives. When a man who says he is a Christian pastor burns a Koran we get outraged because it is an outragious act and we as Christians/Jews can't stop it and get blamed just because we are Christians. In that same way some people look at incontinent people and those that wear diapers for fun as one big group. We can't change a lot of things and that is one of them.

We ourselves even look at others in our condition with distain (I no longer do but many seem to) if they dare to break away from the standard we set - the line we draw in the sand - that White is okay but colors, prints, designs, etc. place you into "The dark side of the Force." Does anyone really believe Sandy is DL because she likes to "Play around with a different look?" Or anyone else who crosses that line? We have NO CHOICE about diapers/protection. Wearing pink or blue or any other thing has nothing to do with a fetish when you are incontinent. We have to seperate our selves from that thinking. If "Bill" wants to wear this or that than we should say "Go ahead" if it makes you happy." We have way to many other isues (esp. anger, embarasment, self loathing, etc.) to deal with. Those are the issues that we bury and as you said - they can kill you (emotionally or actually) - and we have to "get it out" or crack. We cut out the obvious fetish types but must alow open discussion on all other topics. Papa

[DDS]

Thanks Papa. You have a wonderful way of putting things into perspective. I have no problem with rumba pants, printed or colored plastic pants or diapers. Whatever works is fine with me. I guess the only reason I haven't tried colors is that my better half suggested that I stick with white. Printed pants would even be acceptable but all the printed pants I have seen have juvenile prints. I would be open to lets say camo printed plastic pants as I am an avid outdoorsman. I've got just about every other type of clothing in camo so why not plastic pants?

[jannypana]

Two I've spent some time recently in fact talking to a few people that are into the AB/DL "Quote life style" I feel as tho I have a little more understanding about the perversion. I'd have to say I'm glad I don't have that perversion (or do I) Question

[Papa]

Janna, whether you "Have it" or not matters little, you (unlike them) will still be in diapers! Papa

[deen_ad]

Hi Owly
As far as the DL thing goes I struggled for a long time with that one. Up until recent years I was dead against the whole AB/DL thing. But I've sorta figured out a few things about that perversion

One why are people so dead against it. When it comes to us these are the one group that is most likely to except (accept is the correct term) us with our condition Granted I don't want to be played with so to speak by one of them on a board like this.

Two I've spent some time recently in fact talking to a few people that are into the AB/DL "Quote life style" I feel as tho I have a little more understanding about the perversion. I'd have to say I'm glad I don't have that perversion (or do I)

Three in some respects we kinda need to thank the AB/DL perversion. For the fact that because of the perversion we have things like adult plastic rumba pants (one of my favorites ) And other fun plastic pant designs. Who knows we may not have some of the choices in protection out there if it weren't for their influence

...............................Sandy

Sandy:
You need t look up the difference between "perversion" and "fetish". Being an AB/DL is NOT a "perversion" it's a "fetish". There is a big difference.

[dangoch]

I agree with deen, there are elements of AB/DL that might seem perverted, but I don't think it is a perversion in the classical sense but a fetish. A fetish is defined as a sexual obsession with an object whereas a perversion is a sexual obsession with someone else. The AB/DL are obsessed with diapers whereas a typical pervert may be sexually obsessed with young children. Big difference. I don't see a criminal act associated with a fetish but I do see a criminal behavior with a perversion. Do others agree or an I just wrong? I don't see any harm having a fetish, but a perversion is a completely different matter. It is with that definition that I will admit to having some elements of DL (diaper liker). 40 years ago, I so hated my incontinence and the embarrassment and humiliation, I think I needed something to give me psychological relief so that I could find ways to like myself (self esteem). That is where I began to take a different look at diapers as something to help me rather than a hated thing because of body function failure. It helped a great deal.

[Papa]

Dan, Well said. It matters not if one who is incontinent is ab or dl or both what matters is if they push it here. I am ammazed that people even talk about wearing what many consider ab or dl items. What do others care and why make it public? If you likes styles or colors or baby prints keep it to yourself, do not "announce" it to the world - keep it private and no one will judge you. In other words if you wear Bambino's with a teddy bear on them just say you wear Bambino Diapers. We care more if they 1.) are comfortable? 2.) Are easy to use and 3.) are absorbant? End of discussion! Are people "asking permission" to use "baby" items? We don't want to know and don't need to know more.
That is not to say that genuine talk about feelings are not welcomed - they are. Your frank admission that you feel you may be Dl in order to deal with this impossible situation is something worth exploring - but not what print or color diaper you like. Am I making any sense? No one tells what type or design or color t-shirts or socks they wear.
Before we were incontinent we may have all worn under pants/panties that were different styles, colors, prints, etc. Now the design, color , print, etc of our diapers is some big deal. My late wife loved hollidays and wore underpants (panties) that were "seasonal" On Valentine's day Red with hearts or cupid or I LOVE YOU on them. Christmas was snowmen, snowflakes, Christmas trees, etc. They were childish - but made in adult sizes. She loved being youthful it hardly made her an ab or childish. We need to stay focused on our "condition" and handeling it. Meds, medical options etc. Finding a "better" Diaper is a good thing. How to deal in public, or with others is useful, what color your plastic pants are is not. Papa

[Sandy]

How long is this thread going to get dragged out Sorry I blew up!!! Fine the life style is a fetish The use of or miss use of the diapers or other items. As to use them in away that was not intended is a perversion of that item. Hence for instance getting sexual pleasure out of the item That was not made for that use perverts the item.

................................Sandy

[Papa]

And that from a lady who loves Rhumba pants - because when her husband sees her in them "They don't stay on long!"
Sandy, I am not judging you or your opinions, please don't think I am. I can't explain why this thread has lasted so long something like 16,000 views, but there must be something brewing under the surface. And to those who are trying to seperate fetish from reality think of it this way. Do you obcess about getting home from work or a day out and can't wait to put on a diaper? Or - are you full of anxiety and dread because your diaper is at its end? Does leaving the house wearing a diaper excite you to no end or is the idea of leaving the house without a diaper on unimmanagable? Being incontinent is WORLDS away from anything else. No design, color, or print can take away the fact we are condemed to diapers for ever (at least for most here.) Sandy was right about the fact that those that wear/use diapers for pure fun are so far removed from incontinent people it is not measurable. Prints, rhumbas, this or that do not make you part of a fetish if you are dealing with incontinence! Deal with it as best you can and how ever you want and be your own judge! Papa