www.incontinentsupport.org

This is an interesting conversation. It gets easier over time. I've been dealing with urge incontinence for over six years. At first, I felt awkward wearing diapers, but now I barely notice the diaper until it reaches the point when it's time to change. As I have very heavy urge incontinence, I depend on my diapers to stay dry when I can't make the restroom in time. Thus, I consider myself diaper dependent.

Dependency can have multiple dimensions. For example, my incontinence symptoms abate noticeably during the warmer months, usually April through October. For the last two and a half years, I have worn diapers during the winter (usually as part of a timed-voiding regimen), and then switched to normal underwear in the summertime. The transitions in the summer and fall are always difficult. There is some research showing that long-term diaper usage exacerbates incontinence. In my experience, this is true. When switching to normal underwear after wearing diapers for several months, I find it takes effort and patience to reverse habits formed by using a timed voiding/diaper system. But my bladder issues usually stabilize after a few weeks during the summertime. In the fall, when the weather turns cold, I am psychologicallly resistant to returning to diapers, try to talk myself out of it, and delay it as long as possible. For the last two years, I have made the switch in November. Despite my resistance, it is usually a ginormous relief to start wearing them again. For example, I realize how much effort I have been expending in "holding back" surges caused by cold-induced frequency and urgency. I always forget how comfortable it is to "give in" to the timed voiding/diaper system. Once I realize how well this system works, I am grateful for it.

Am I "dependent?" Well, I think it depends on how you define that word. I do not need diapers the same way I need food and water. If I were a poor person living in an undeveloped country, I would have to get by without them. I think I probably could. But, given my underlying medical condition (prostatitis), diapers are certainly helpful. The decision to use them is a choice that seems rational. My GP calls my approach a "conservative" way of managing symptoms. I like that description. I suppose I am "dependent" on diapers in that I find them helpful. I would say this form of "dependency" differs in kind from a "dependency" on alcohol or drugs. When I say I am "dependent," I mean that I make an informed decision to "rely" on diapers as part of an approach to managing light to moderate bladder incontinence caused by prostatitis.

All good and thoughtful responses. Believe me when I say I have tried everything suggested by my primary care physician. From physical therapy to keigals and beyond with very limited success. Truth be told, it just became too exhausting trying to fight the severe urges. My bowel urges are so intense as to overpower me within seconds. The only time I feel confident is after a preemptive enema (which for some reason I really dislike) along with a follow-up dosage of Imodium. This method of controlling my bowels is good for 2 to 3 hours. I use it when flying, for intimacy and select social occasions (though I will still wear a diaper for flying and social situations for security). My bladder weakness could best be described as urgency for which medications offered no relief. I wear confi-dry 24/7 disposables with a booster pad and plastic pants. When I feel a bladder urge, it intensifies quickly. Even with the limited time I have (several minutes), by the time I get to a bathroom, even when in close proximity, I find myself starting to void before I can get my diapers down. It became one of those "what's the use" moments. There comes a time for some of us that we tire of the failures. Is it giving up? I suppose so. Though I would rather call it surrender. Waving the white flag is less exhausting. At night I wear the same daytime set-up I use along with a cloth pull-up diaper. I also use a washable bed pad (48" x 56"). My night diapers rarely leak and the bed pad keeps bedding dry. When I do have a small leak the bed pad is at most damp. So I guess the reality of my situation is that I rely on my diapers to keep clothes, bedding and furniture dry. By another definition, I depend on them for security and comfort. I call that diaper dependency.