Hello KT, I will post my feelings on your questions.
1 – It is definitely not spoken freely of, for me anyhow. Even my doctor has not really plunged into an in depth conversation on the subject with me, he just knows I have urgency issues, and that I use protection to avoid wetting my pants, that is about it. There are not too many people I know in the general public that even mention it in conversation, even if discussing a medical problem that could be tied in to incontinence. Embarrassment, maybe? Lack of real, truthful knowledge on the subject? Possibly.
2 – I am fortunate that I really do not suffer from any side effects, besides the rare rash, that is about it. Being pro-active on staying clean, and using protective creams/barrier ointment is essential to avoid rash problems. I have never taken any medication for bladder urgency or over-activity, but that could be down the road. I am shying away from them due to the reports on all the side effects they produce, with little or no real benefit from taking them. I am fortunate that I only have bladder issues to deal with, bowels are not a problem area for myself. That whole area is MUCH tougher to manage, for sure.
3 – Socially, it definitely does impact me in what I do and where I go. I use an external collection system if I am going out all day and am with people, that way I do not have to worry about changing, leaks, or odors. When I use that system, I can pretty well do whatever I could before I had to worry about my bladder. With disposable products, be it pull ups, pads, or diapers, there is always pre-planning to do it you are going out for the day, and I know people will avoid certain social situations because of their incontinence. I do not go out as often as I did, but am not housebound because of it, I just need to know ahead of time and use the right product for what I am going to be doing for the day.
4 – No, for me I am secure in the body I have, and the image I have of it. I do not like the fact of needing to wear a diaper, or how I look when in one, but it is a fact of life for me, and I have gotten over it. Now, it is just considered “going out underwear.
5 – Has it effected your self esteem? I have to say yes to this one, but it does get better as life goes on. Not being able to manage your own body functions can be so frustrating; it could drive you mad if you let it. I don’t feel good about myself, at 43 and needing a diaper or peeing into a leg bag to avoid wetting my pants, but I have enough of a medical history to point to as ample reason for needing to wear something, so with that in mind I don’t get too down on myself for my inability to hold a full bladder until I get to a bathroom. It can definitely wear you down if you let it, some people have a much easier time with accepting it and not beating themselves down over the fact, others take much longer to get over it, and some never do.
6 – Products for myself vary on situation. Full days out of the house I use an external catheter system, it works best for me for an entire day away from the house, and I can rely on it in just about any situation, never had a failure that left me wet or embarrassed. Daytrips out to town for a few hours (up to 4) I use a Tena Super disposable diaper, enough absorbancy to deal with my output when I can’t make the bathroom, and it allows me to not have to stress out on always being on the lookout for where the next restroom is located. A coverpant overtop just in case I get a leak spot, it keeps it from showing on clothing. I used the Tena diaper at night for many years, but I don’t have night wetting issues every night, it is hit & miss and I found I was wasting quite a bit of money on supplies that were not utilized, so I recently changed over to cloth and coverpants for night time, easier on the wallet, and not much more laundry to deal with. If they do not get used, no wasted money, and for me they actually work better then a disposable diaper did when I do need it. I also feel better about myself having to go to bed in a cloth diaper, then a disposable. It does not seem as infantile to me, just a really thick pair of underwear with a waterproof cover over top. The image that the media has created about the modern diaper only being needed by infants or the elderly/infirm takes a bit to break down in your head, that YES, people in their youth, mid-life or senior years need and use diapers for incontinence day and night. It has been more accurately portrayed in the last decade as affecting all ages.
Self-esteem is much better when I am confident in my protection, and I can go about my day without worrying about it failing. I have taken holidays in the summer, travelled 5000+ kilometers on a motorcycle, and slept in a tent every night with the external catheter system in use 24/7, and I felt like there was NOTHING I could not do when I got home from that trip, almost like I never had a bladder problem at all, it was never an issue that had any effect on my days/nights events. When you live with incontinence for so long, for myself it feels strange to not have “something” on when I went out, even for a short trip, and I am much more nervous and unsure of myself. Whatever you wear or use soon becomes part of you if your problems do not get better or medically repaired, that is for sure, but you have to remind yourself that what you use “is not you, it is just what you wear to manage your problem”.
I hope I didn't ramble on too much in my replies!
I do hope this gives you a bit of insight, and that a few more members post how they feel about it all… Best of wishes for you education, Puffy