Well, initially it was devastating to me. I was really embarrassed about it, and I basically became a hermit in my own home. Not that I wasn't much of a home body to begin with, I was, but I cut out a lot of my trips into town, stopped going out to my car club meetings and car shows, and even out to dinner with my family. Basically, I only went to and from the doctors offices and hospitals. My problems began in '03 after my second back surgery, and if you've ever been split open in the back, you know how painful that can be. I was on a lot of morphine for the pain. I began to have night time accidents shortly after the surgery, but I had thought it was just because I was on meds and sleeping really hard, (I also had to use sleeping pills to get any sleep because of my sleep apnea). I finally bought some Depends to control the problem, but soon realized that just one of them wasn't enough. I had to use at least 3 at a time to contain everything, and even then, it was no guarantee against leakage, and the addition of plastic pants was only a little better. Night time leakage soon became daytime leakage. By the time I went to see my primary care doc, I had lost all control, and I was as embarrassed as I could be, but I went at my wife's insistance. I was sent to a urologist for some tests, and they discovered that I had what they described as a neurogenic bladder with overflow incontinence. Great!!! Just what I needed now. NOT!!
Anyway,this was about 5 or 6 months after the surgery, and they told me that I had waited too long and that it was not likely that I would regain control at this point. It wasn't long after that that I also began having bowel accidents. The urologist had me doing self cathing to control the leakage, and that was only about half effective, and it hurt like hell, even with the lidocaine jell. So after almost a year I guess of that, I gave up on it. I was having bowel accidents on a regular basis by then with no warning and no control, so I figured that if I had to wear a diaper for that, why not just pee in it as well.
I was fired from my job just 10 months after that fateful surgery too. My boss discovered that I was on pain meds and told me privately that he didn't approve, and that was why he was letting me go. He also explained that I was costing him too much on his health insurance policy, since I had had 3 surgeries while in his employ already, and I was transported out of the business by ambulance twice for my back. I was a "liability" to him. How nice huh? I was off work on disability for 8 months after the surgery, so I was only back to work for 2 short months when I got the axe. I was able to hide the diapers at that time pretty well, even with wearing 3 Depends at a time. How nobody ever found out I'm not sure, or if they did, thankfully they never said anything. To be honest, at the time I was really upset about losing my job, but after about 3 or 4 years of reflection on it, I realized that he did me a favor. I was far too stressed out there, and I was killing myself with all the overtime trying to do the work of 3 people. ( He believed in short staffing to save money, and being in management, I was on salary).
About a year after all of this began, I switched to cloth diapers and plastic pants too. The disposables were just not good enough for my liking, I had multiple leaks of both types, and that made a big mess of things. Once I switched and found that the cloth was a far superior product, it gave me a much greater peace of mind, and more confidence out in public too.
After 6 years of this now, I'm a lot less concerned with what others will think if they see my diapers, and I'm a lot more confident as well. I now go everywhere with my backpack/diaper bag, with all of my supplies for two changes if needed.
My wife of course knows all about this problem and has been a God send to me. She doesn't have anything to do with my diapers though, I do everything, the washing, the drying, the changing, the buying, everything. It's my problem and I don't expect her to have to deal with it, although I'm sure she would do it if she would have to. Actually, she has taken care of the laundry when I've had subsequent surgeries, for which I'm very greatful to her.
My 17 year old son knows now too, although initially I had tried to keep it from him. He was only 11 at the time it all began, and I wasn't sure he would understand what had happened to me. But it was just too difficult to hide for long, and he's a bright kid, so we told him all about it about 8 months after it began I guess it was. He took it hard, and was really worried about me, but he's used to seeing me in my diapers now and it doesn't bother him.
I do have a few friends that know now as well. It was hard to keep it from them whenever I would see them, since it was almost obvious whenever I would have a BM accident and have to leave suddenly. They all have been very supportive to me and even have offered to help me out with things around the house or with our vehicles because of my back condition, knowing that it's very difficult for me at times to do stuff. My wife has talked to them at length about it and explained what all has happened, and they still want to be friends! Can you believe that? LOL!!!
Seriously though, I've got to say that I've got some really good friends. They're very understanding and sincerely concerned for me. I couldn't ask for better friends.
As for other members of my family, my only sibling, my younger brother knows, and is ok with it. My mother knew before she passed away, and my father would have known, but he passed away only a month after I had my surgery. And I have an aunt and uncle that came to my mother's funeral, so they know now too.
All of my doctors are aware of the problem, and are very supportive too. I literally have a dozen doctors, to include my dentist and his hygenist, that know of my problem. Since 2001, I have had 8 surgeries for various things, only 4 of them were on my back.
So all in all, I would have to say that incontinence has really changed my life, not necessarilly for the better either. But I've come out stronger for it, although there were some times that I thought I would be better off dead. Fortunately, I wasn't sucessful at achieving that goal. (That's another long, sad story. Best forgotten).
Rick
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