Finally Talked to my Wife

[Dallasinc]

Hey All,

I just thought I would share some slightly anxiety-reducing news. I finally mustered up the courage to talk to my wife about my worsening fecal incontinence. We were driving to dinner and I just flat out asked her if me discussing my incontinence problems with her made her uncomfortable at all? She pretty much instantly said “absolutely not!” and that she actually would prefer that I talk to her about things instead of feeling like I have to take things on alone. Since she was so open, I decided to tell her that in addition to my urinary incontinence (which she has known about since before we got married; going on 4 years now ) that I have also been dealing with increasing bowel accidents. To my relief, she just told me that she understands, she loves me, and she is there to help me however she can. She even playfully chastised me for trying to be quote “all cloak and dagger about things” and trying to hide my accidents and diapers from her all the time. The rational part of me knew that she would respond this way and be extremely supportive, but it still took me quite a while to break down that wall of embarrassment, shame, and anxiety in order to discuss things with her. She said that she never wants me to feel uncomfortable or embarrass me so she hadn’t said anything, but she assured me that I could always come to her, with anything. It was such a relief. It’s one less person that I have to feel anxious around while wearing my diapers and it gives me relief knowing I can discuss things with her without being all cryptic about it

Lastly, I just wanted to thank you all for helping me get to a place where I could have this conversation with her. Reading everyone’s posts, advice, and encouragement to myself and others, really gave me the confidence I needed to ultimately have this conversation with her. Specifically I would like to thank @Mattwp, @Patrick, and @5bugles for their advice on my recent post and their encouragement to be open with my wife about things. You all were absolutely right and I appreciate your counsel! Very thankful to @Schoppy for this site and the awesome community we have here. I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Best,

Dallas

[JDinVirginia]

Dallas, that is great news. Don't forget to tell your wife how much you appreciate her.

--John

[Patrick]

I am grateful for your positive feedback. I second your appreciation for the work Schoppy does here.

[batman381327]

that is good news to hear. Having a spouse who is understanding and supportive is a great feeling. My wife and I still don't talk about it that much unless there is a reason to. We just kinda of look at it as another set of clothing that I have to wear now. She is concerned though with the increase temperatures we are going to have next week and constantly reminds me I need to stay inside as much possible. She realizes these things are not cool and as if I don't sweat enough, they just increase it along with the possibility of rashes also.

Overall it is very beneficial to have a spouse or a close friend who is supportive and understanding of your condition.

[5bugles]

Excellent news and glad to hear it! That is what this site is all about.

[justej]

Great news Dallas. I don't have a partner but have some super close friends who know and are very supportive. I'm glad you had a good outcome with your wife.

[realworldic]

that is great news! being open to loved ones is really hard at first! we have to get past our own fears on how the conversation could go, however like many have said starting the conversation is the hardest part! they almost always go really well.

glad it worked out for you!

[Dallasinc]

Thank you everyone! I won't say I am surprised with her reaction, but I am relieved. Going through this stuff can make one feel very lonely and isolated. It is nice to be able to be open with her. I still prefer to keep things as private as possible, but I am no longer feeling as anxious about it. Just wanted to say thank you to you all again, this site is truly awesome (as much as I wish it wasn't necessary for any of us)! Now it is just a matter of finding the right combination of products to get on with life. I am supposed to take a trip with some friends to go see the Cowboys play the Colts in December (in case my name and avatar didn't give it away, I am huge Cowboys fan ). Circumstances will likely dictate that I either confide in my friends or that I don't go I know I have a little while to decide but I am still not looking forward to making that decision or if I choose to, having that conversation. It is as @realworldinc said above me, I keep thinking of how bad things could go Anyways, you all are great and I appreciate the encouragement and advice! I hope everyone has had a great weekend and is ready for another week.

Best,

Dallas

[sociologygeek]

I wish my mom was as open and comfortable discussing this as the OP's wife... I brought up how the Soo Locks (A local attraction that brings visitors from around the world) would be a perfect spot for an adult size changing table and shes like oh i dont want to talk about that.. GRR..

Peace out!!

[sociologygeek]

Thank you everyone! I won't say I am surprised with her reaction, but I am relieved. Going through this stuff can make one feel very lonely and isolated. It is nice to be able to be open with her. I still prefer to keep things as private as possible, but I am no longer feeling as anxious about it. Just wanted to say thank you to you all again, this site is truly awesome (as much as I wish it wasn't necessary for any of us)! Now it is just a matter of finding the right combination of products to get on with life. I am supposed to take a trip with some friends to go see the Cowboys play the Colts in December (in case my name and avatar didn't give it away, I am huge Cowboys fan ). Circumstances will likely dictate that I either confide in my friends or that I don't go I know I have a little while to decide but I am still not looking forward to making that decision or if I choose to, having that conversation. It is as @realworldinc said above me, I keep thinking of how bad things could go Anyways, you all are great and I appreciate the encouragement and advice! I hope everyone has had a great weekend and is ready for another week.

Best,

Dallas

It takes self confidence. If you "own" the truth that you need diapers and theres no shame about it.. you can feel confident sharing with that if you need to. I didn't become open and comfortable sharing my story w strangers on the street until i got the idea to found CARING.. but the truth is, theres really no reason to be in the closet anymore. Most if not all adults are mature enough to know that hey, its no big deal.. those that don't..ain't worth your time! Nuff said!

Peace out!