Welcome Mike. You have come to the right place.
I am double incontinent and wear diapers 24/7. After a lot of trial and error I now manage my incontinence fairly well. I have nerve damage to the pelvis and have lost most of the nerves used for "early warning" in detecting an approaching bowel movement and nerves controlling the muscles of the anal sphincter. To manage my bowel incontinence, I use two things.
First, I use old-fashioned red rubber bag gravity-fed enemas (approved by my gastroenterologist). An empty colon cannot have a bowel accident. Note that these are not the Fleets enemas. Enemas are extremely effective in controlling fecal incontinence. Of course, this is not for everyone. Feel free to ask questions about this. Mike, don't try enemas before first checking with your physician.
The second thing is the Peristeen anal plug. I use, and have had success with, the Peristeen anal plug. However, not everyone tolerates it well. Of course you must find the correct size by trial and error. The notes below come from my draft book on managing incontinence.
The Peristeen anal plug absolutely must be positioned correctly by being inserted deep - past the internal anal sphincter - or it can be rather uncomfortable. Don’t be tentative in inserting the Peristeen anal plug. Apply lots of lubricant both to the anus and the plug. Then insert it deeply in one smooth motion to get it past the internal anal sphincter. If you use too little lube, it may stop halfway. After a few seconds the outer film will dissolve and the plug will begin to expand. It then may “stick” and it will be too late to reposition it (or at least very difficult). If the insertion is too shallow it will be rather uncomfortable. If this happens, it is best to remove it, discard the used plug, and start again with a new one. This happened to me when I tried to insert my first plug, but my second and later attempts always were successful.
For some users, their fingers may not be sufficiently long to insert the Peristeen anal plug deeply enough for comfort. In such an instance, a makeshift “tool” may be necessary. Choose a narrow object with a smooth and safely rounded tip (definitely not pointy) for use as a “pusher.” I have used a flexible nozzle designed for Barium enemas as it is safe to insert and easy to clean. After manually inserting the anal plug, I uses the nozzle to nudge it inward about another ¾”. I found that this made a significant difference in comfort and tolerating the plug. When inserted deeply enough in this manner, I found that I could not feel the plug without deliberately contracting the sphincter muscles.
I hope the above helps.
Good luck. Ask questions either here or send me a PM.
--John