www.incontinentsupport.org

Hello, new here. I have an issue I'd like to share and perhaps get some advice.

I am a 28 year old healthy male. About 3 years ago, I sustained an injury while golfing. It was a stupid thing, I was leaning out of a moving golf cart to collect a ball after an errant shot. I felt a "pop" in my lower back that sent me into nearly a week of indescribable pain and an inability to walk, stand or sit. After a few days of not being able to move from the bedroom to kitchen, my wife convinced me to see a chiropractor. He discovered that my L4 and L5 spine had moved out of place and were causing my muscles to spasm. However, after about a month of twice weekly adjustments, I was able to put the injury aside and move on with my life.

About 6 weeks after the incident, I woke up one morning to discover I had urinated in my sleep. It was a small amount, maybe only an ounce or two, contained mostly by my underwear and the top bed sheet. This occurred a handful of times the next month, my wife not noticing, as I kept it to myself and was able to wash the sheets each time before she returned home from work. As time went on I had more and more low back pain and convinced myself to go see my primary doctor. He ordered an MRI and it was discovered that I have a pretty substantial loss of cartilage in my low spine that was causing my discs to put pressure on one another, pinching one of my nerves in the process. He prescribed a muscle relaxer and a narcotic to help me manage the pain, as well as some core strength exercises and some advice on lifestyle changes.

I started to take the medication probably no more than once a week, when I had uncomfortable pain and couldn't function. After doing this for the first couple of weeks, I woke up in the middle of the night on one occasion to find myself soaked in urine. It woke my wife as well, and we both chalked it up to "one of those things", cleaned up and moved on. But then I started noticing I was having small leakage during the day as well. I would be sitting at my desk at work and would discover that my underwear would be wet - not even having a sensation that I needed to use the restroom until it was too late. I purchased some male "guards" to wear but was determined to keep this new problem from my wife as much as I could.

I returned to my doctor and told him about the problems I was having and he told me to stop taking the medication he had prescribed, but didn't really offer an alternative solution. It's been a couple of years now and I continue to have occasional night incontinence, maybe only once or twice a month and in small amounts. The daytime accidents are few and far between and haven't really been an issue. We did purchase a waterproof mattress cover and this seems to be a temporary solution. When we travel to visit the in-laws or stay overnight in a hotel, I will wear a diaper as to not soil someone else's bed. I've only had one "accident" on a trip that I can remember and fortunately my wife has been very accepting of the problem and we've been able to keep it discreet from others. Regardless, it still causes embarrassment for me and I won't put the diaper on in front of her and will wear clothing over when I sleep so it's as unnoticeable as possible.

My primary physician has since retired and our health plan assigned us to a new doctor. She is a female, however, and while I like her care I am reluctant to discuss this issue with her. It's partially embarrassment and perhaps my overall reluctance to avoid doctor's offices and tests whenever possible.

I guess my question is, will this be something I have to live with the rest of my life? I'm not really sure where the problem lies, either with the medication (which I no longer take) or the ongoing issues with my back. Even though I've changed my lifestyle to keep my spine from acting up, I still have the issue with the bed wetting for whatever reason. I did bed wet as a child, but nothing past the age of perhaps 5 or 6 and up until this incident never had a problem for at least 20 years. As far as I know, there isn't a history for this type of thing in my family.

Thanks for reading and hopefully someone can offer some insight.
-M

Well, welcome to the forum here. I hope we can all offer some helpful advice for you.

I'm really sorry to hear of your problems. I hadn't realised golf was such dangerous game. I think that you do need to get back to your doctor and sort things out a bit more because if there are nerves affected by pressure from the disks things aren't going to get better and could get a lot worse. I' not sure you might like the various things that could be done to you including a neurological exam to determine just what has problems. However, I think you really have to make sure if there is anything that can be fixed and to make sure it doesn't get worse.

I ought to point out that whatever doctor you have there will be some embarrassment but you just have to leave that outside. The doctors and nurses have seen it all before, nothing is going to shock them and they just take it all in their stride. The important thing is to get an appointment with your doctor, leave your embarrassment at home and go and discuss the problems. If it cheers you up any, my regular cystoscopy appointment (flexible tube into bladder) sees me lying on the bed with my p*nis coming out from a paper field with three female nurses, the female urologist waiting to get on! No time for embarrassment.

Please let us know how you get on.

Welcome to the forum, we all have similar problems. This is the first step in getting some help for a condition that is still looked at as taboo by society these days. Frequently when people have these problems they do not discuss them with anybody, they suffer in silence and that is not the way to go. This is very hard for a young otherwise healthy male to admit that they are having difficulties with incontinence. Wearing an adult diaper is an extremely difficult Leap to make. All of us have wrestled with the idea or stigma of wearing adult diapers but ultimately we realize that it is the best way to live life because it offers you freedom from the bathroom and an extra layer of protection should you have an accident in public. The other thing that is extremely difficult for young healthy male is to talk to their doctor about it, we have all had to do it and it was extremely difficult the first time. The day I told my doctor about my incontinence issues my wife was sitting with me and she was able to fill in some of the blanks so that I did not have to do all the talking. It was very hard to do but it was helpful having her right beside me. This is something that you need to talk to your doctor about for sure, we are a great support network but none of us are doctors. So while we can assist you in getting on with life and some tips and tricks to make daily living easier, we cannot cure your problem.

Hi, bunemike, and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you're having bladder issues, but you've come to the right place for a compassionate ear and good advice on coping/daily living.

I know that it's difficult for a young guy to discuss bladder problems - especially bedwetting - with a female physician, but I think it's best that you find out what's going on. If you haven't already done so, I think it's wise to have a general medical workup, including blood work, to rule out diabetes or other medical problems that can cause bladder leakage. I also think you should talk to your PCP about a referral to a spine specialist.

Lastly, is there anything in addition to the ongoing back pain that is causing stress in your life? A new job, new baby, relocation to a new city, etc.? You mentioned a minor history of childhood bedwetting. Bedwetting can reoccur in adulthood, even decades after a child outgrows it. You may have entered a wet period, and it may be permanent.

Wetters

Thanks for all of the replies.

I know I am probably just delaying the inevitable but need to get in to the doctor. I just don't know how to even approach it or what to say on the phone when I make an appointment. I just feel incredibly awkward talking to a stranger about it - my wife knows about the issue, but I don't even give her the full story sometimes. I don't want to even mention the fact that I use protective undergarments but feel that it will eventually come up - there's no logic in someone believing I've been dealing with this for two years and going around with wet underwear.

I'm partially naive and maybe in denial to the fact that this is even happening. I'm outgoing and in great health, we do physical and social activities constantly. I go to the gym, out to dinner parties, the beach and it's like this stupid thing is nagging at me. I'm just waiting for it to "go away".

I did experience some emotional trauma in the midst, since it was brought up. My grandmother and both of my parents all died within a 3 year span, and most of the brunt of the responsibility in handling everything has been on my shoulders during this time. This "problem" started probably halfway through the middle of this period, but I truly cannot see it being related to those events. It's all in the past now and life is moving along, so I don't get it. I think it's physical, I just don't know why.

Like others have already said, we are not doctors and can not tell you with any certainty what is going on. All we can do is pull from our own experiences.
I don't know what exactly is going on with you but like some have hinted to, it mat be psychological. Stress does a lot of weird things.
I throw in my incouragement to go and see a doctor and leave pride at the door. They already have.
The other suggestion is to keep a log of how often you go to the bathroom, when you have an accident or any leakage and also log what you are eating and when. What we eat and drink may have a hand in this. Hopefully it will be as simple as control fluid intake a few hours before bed and cut back on stimulants like caffeine or energy drinks.

Good luck and we all hope the best for you

Rope

Welcome to the group bunemike. Like everyone else has said, the first step is getting to the doctor to rule out possible causes. As for making the appointment, I would just say I am having some bladder problems (kinda of what I did) One thing you could do is take your initial post and give it to your doctor to read. This way she can see a time line and discuss options. Just like Wheels has said embarrassment needs to stay at home when you are at the doctor. The more they know the more they can help.

I wet the bed and have done for almost two years now. I was a chronic bedwetter as a child and throughout my teens. It was a shock when it came back again when I turned 50. I have seen doctors a urologist and a continence nurse several times. I have to accept I will probably wet the bed for the rest of my life due to diabetic related nerve damage. What I can say is the embarasment factor isn't worth worrying about when seeing anyone from the medical proffesion. They are very matter of fact about it and have seen it all before. My urologist said to me "Take a guess how many in my waiting room wet last night, because you are far from the only middle aged adult who wets at night"
I am lucky my wife isn't in the slightest bit bothered by my wetting and always tells me not to worry. I wear tena maxi pads or slips and plastic pants to bed and sleep on a kylie which soaks up any leaks and keeps me comfortable. My advice to anyone who suffers from nocturnal enurisis is to protect the bed, practise good personal hygene and get on with life.

I'm a 63-year-old woman and a chronic, long-term bedwetter. After I outgrew my childhood bedwetting at age 9 and a relapse at age 13 when my father died, I was dry for 11 years before it came back in adulthood when I was 25. I had developed a sudden onset of daytime urge incontinence a year earlier. When I started wetting the bed again as an adult, I was only wetting once every 2 months or so on average - no clustered wet nights and no multiple wettings per episode. In the mid-'70s, one couldn't just walk into a CVS or Walgreens and buy a pack of disposable absorbent adult protection - there was no such thing. Also no internet (can you believe it?) or companies like XP Medical. Depend garments didn't hit the market until 1984, and they were aggressively marketed to people 60-plus who had an active social life, but who had become sidelined by bladder control issues. I was 33 years old, and it never occurred to me that this product could make my life easier.

I got by (poorly) with sanitary napkins and a rubber sheet for the bed. Sanitary pads gave way to Poise pads after I went into menopause, and rubber sheets gave way to waterproof mattress covers. I also discovered washable surface bed pads after a late 1990s middle-of-the night bed-stripping epiphany. So it went for 35 years(!), until I had a stroke at age 60. Both my daytime and nighttime problems got much worse. Now I wet every night and use Abena Abri-Flex pull-ups. I prefer pull-ups for their more discreet appearance. Also, diapers are difficult for me to fasten because my motor skills are somewhat impaired. I am not a fan of plastic pants. For daytime, I wear trim-fit women's disposable pull-ups.

Wetters

Being incontinent is like living in a twilight zone. Especially when it happens on an unregular basis. Every time when I'm dry for two or three nights in a row I tell myself "see, there's no problem, you are making it up". And then it hurts emotionally the most when it goes wrong again. When I'm wet for three nights in a row I'm more stable, I know I have to deal with it and I know it's a fact. Being wet on an unregular basis forces me (at least) to use the right protection in case it goes wrong, but feels like overkill when it was not necessary that night. In the back of my brain I know it's needed to use the right protection in those cases because it would give me a lot of stress when I was not protected correctly leading to a bad sleep and tiredness during the day. For me it's important that my wife has a good sleep as well. I don't want to disturb her in the middle of the night to change the sheets. For me that doesn't feel correct.

My wife supports me 100%. She pushed me to try different protections and I believe I have found what helps me. I'm using those 'belt diapers' with Velcro (Seni optima plus) which I can open and close easily during the night when I go to the toilet. When they are not wet I can use them for a second night as well. On top of that I use a cotton brief covered by a plastic pant or PUL brief. I get dressed in the same room where my wife is. She told me not to feel ashamed, it's one of those things you have to deal with in life. Every family has something, this is for sure this is not the worst! As wetters does, I have a plastic/PUL cover over my matrass, to protect it when it goes wrong. My wife has some allergy and it seems to help her as well ☺.

For me it was a relief to discuss all with my wife, it took a lot of frustration away. Don't hide it, you are together for better and for worse. Outside her and the doctor, nobody knows. I know it tough, frustrating, crazy and get all over you, but try to find a balance. And really, that is it for me, a balancing act. And yes, sometimes I lose the balance as well. This forum held me to get back and put a lot in perspective.

Bob.