www.incontinentsupport.org

Patrick: I totally get that! Good stuff!

_________________
Thank you kindly,
CG

In another post I've related how my wife is now onboard with briefs and even the MegaMax. When I introduced the MegaMax to her this time, the reactions were interesting. The first reaction was to the Tie-Dye colouring, which really helped to break the ice and downgrade the stigma. But the most interesting reaction was how she was about even touching the diaper.

She had questions about leaks etc. so I summarized its features. Then I pointed out that it has a landing zone at the top front for the benefit of tapes and refastening. I pointed to the landing zone and had her touch it so that she could feel the extra plastic there. She reacted as if she was afraid to touch it. This reminded me of how I would have felt before I became IC. Before IC, a person doesn't want to be seen with or holding an adult diaper, as if you become guilty by association.

So even though I have had to "make friends with diapers", I need to remember that the association and stigma is still there for others, including the supporting spouse. As IC people, we are used to the handling, inspection and the wearing of diapers. But for many others it is still something to be feared.

I’m happy that your wife is gaining acceptance. It’s a difficult road for many couples, I think. I’m lucky to have support and acceptance but I don’t involve my husband in any aspects of changing or shopping for them. But I wouldn’t have him in the bathroom with me before I became incontinent. Adult diapers are scary I think for a lot of people. They were for me at first. They are giant and they are the topic of jokes and insults. It’s a hard hurdle to overcome. I’m uncomfortable with every joke made about them when I watch tv or read an article when someone throws incontinence out as a big joke.

Thank you for saying this. It is hurtful to think about how others see folks that have incontinence. Yes, I get it: it's an obsurd and awkward problem to have. Grown people in diapers=funny.

I guess it's different when you are in the situation yourself. Maybe someday I won't care as much and it can be funny to me too.

_________________
Thank you kindly,
CG

I don’t have a partner and have never been married. But I can see how it affects my parents. My folks have bought me diapers several times. Have them at their house for when I visit. But I can see it makes them uncomfortable. Especially my dad. But he hates talking about anything medical. My mom came out for my amputation not my dad. Don’t get me wrong he is hella supportive. But he is the typical “not gonna talk about personal stuff” guy. We are all going on vacation for my birthday next week and I had to ship my diapers to a FedEx location. My dad is the one who found it and because it’s an extra expense that I cannot afford this month my mom put them on her card. When I decided to have my SPC taken out my mom said “you’d rather wear DIAPERS” and I said yea mom. I can die from an infection from my SPC. And after that she kinda just went with it.

Apologies for refreshing an old thread.. It's taken time, but my wife and I are getting more at ease at my diapered IC lifestyle. It was difficult to talk about and accept in the beginning.

This week, she actually cracked a joke at my expense when I mentioned that the shipped box contained my pull-ups. She started singing that "I'm a big kid now" commercial. All I could do is laugh. After a couple of years of IC, you can't help but to normalize this stuff.

Wayne, jokes are healthy. I often think that humor is our best defense.

Sometimes I have to explain some of my "dark humor" to my wife.

--John
(double incontinent)

@LucOllie my wife has been very supportive but I haven't involved her in the "management" of my issues either. It wasn't until recently that I felt comfortable with her seeing me in a diaper (we have separate bedrooms) and has never been involved in shopping for them either. She doesn't even like to shop for "feminine" products and has asked me to get them for her in the past. Recently, however, we found a new, unopened pack of Abenas at a Goodwill for $3 and she didn't bat an eye and put them in the cart. I guess we have crossed a bridge at this point!

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"When you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

5bugles, congratulations to both you and your wife on crossing that bridge. Don't forget to let her know how much you appreciate her support. That is so very important.

My wife is very supportive, but I try to shield her from the more unpleasant aspects of my incontinence. Those who have read my postings are aware that I use hanging rubber bag enemas to manage my bowel incontinence. I self-administer the enemas and do not involve my wife. However, I have no care-giver and, upon occasion when the flow of enema solution has stopped, I have had to call my wife to raise the bag higher to get more pressure to start the flow again. That is a very vulnerable and embarrassing moment. She always has helped without objecting.

--John
(double incontinent)