Self Acceptance: What is your journey

[Tewi]

Acceptance does not mean approval. What is .. IS. Accept it. And? Move on with life.

I've dealt with this issue for almost a lifetime. What an improvement in products. Amazing. And what an improvement in having it brought to the fore. June Allyson and advertising Depends. Now websites such as this one.

Smiles ..

[michael_dahlke]

I think this hardly depends on the underlying reason for the continence problems. For me I can say that I had accepted the fact that I have to wear protection (what was also not that easy). How ever - I didn’t gave up to try to improve my continence - or at last don’t let it become worse. I know that there are a lot of people out there who are suffering from IC without UIC problems - so I think there is still a chance for me to make it better. I mean for me it‘s a big improvement that I have meanwhile times where I have none or just one accident over the daytime. Maybe somewhen to get more control incase of an accident and make it to stop earlier so that I can use smaller pads. As long as there is a realistic chance for an improvement I would never accept the situation as it is now.

Of cause there medical situations where no cure is available. In this case you have to find your own way to cope with the problem - and of cause acceptance is maybe most important part here. I probably have to live with my IC for the rest of my live what means that I can’t eat and drink the things that I did before and have to stay with a strict diet. But this doesn’t mean that there‘s no way to improve my continence issues.

I‘m pretty sure that the majority of people who are suffering from continence problems have a chance to improve there situation. Just saying Ok - I‘m in diapers now - so I don’t care anymore and let it go may start a down cycle the let you end up with a complete loss of control. I was at this point for nearly a year and I’m really grateful that I got at last some control back.

[wayne]

I realize this is an old thread now but would like to contribute my own frustrations about this.

In my case, the urinary incontinence is attributed to nerve damage from about 20 years of type-2 diabetes (I'm mid 60s). So I have been wearing pull-ups for accident prevention since this was recently diagnosed. On a few occasions the pull-up has saved the moment (long shopping outings). I was warned by a diabetes seminar 20 years ago that some of us attendees would become IC. But I've always assumed that it would apply to that "other guy". So I was not overly surprised that there might be a need to wear a diaper one day. Once I got over the weirdness of the new normal and developed the notion that nobody else really cares about it, I think I have accepted it. I wear it 24/7 and everywhere. If it is caused by nerve damage, then I also accept that it won't be cured.

Where I struggle most, is in this "for protection phase". Most days are happy discard the dry diaper days. In fact, I'll store them for about a week as backups in case I might need to replace one after a mid-day episode. But if I have a couple of weeks without an incident, then I start to really question the need to wear a diaper. So the doubts weight in. Am I really IC? Yet I know what I experienced earlier and a test confirmed negative for an infection.

This doubt causes me to sometimes test it with the diaper on. If I don't get up and void at 4-5 am as per normal, then wait until I stand up (out of bed) at 7 am, this usually puts it to the test (I don't have overnight issues). I might last for 3-8 minutes until that strong urge arrives. And if our only bathroom is occupied, and that urge arrives, then an episode follows -- but not always! Some days I can hold it. This off and on business drives me mad! If it were more reliable, I can just accept it and move on.

Additionally, thanks to this site, I've come to realize that I have a BPH issue to follow up on. I'll be in touch with my doc to see if I can try an alpha-blocker to relax the prostate. It has become quite weak for some time now.

My journey won't be complete until I know for sure. If some BPH remediation resolves the issue over a couple of months say, then I might not have the nerve damage as is currently assumed. OTOH, if the BPH medication makes the IC worse, then perhaps I'll have a definitive answer. Or there may be no IC change at all. All this doubt is what is killing me at the moment. It's embarrassing because it might look like I am a DL rather than a husband struggling to solve a medical problem.

For now, I'll continue with wearing a diaper as a safety net. If the IC is due to nerve damage it'll be this way for the rest of my life .

I just wish for clarity! Please give me clarity!

If any of you have gradually become IC, I'd love to hear about your experiences.

[Padded53]

Wayne:
Check back on page one (post #4) for my experiences. I've found that being "over protected 24/7" is well worth the reduction in anxiety.

[CityGardener]

Hi Wayne,
That sounds annoying as heck it being so unpredictable. I would better safe than sorry, but then again I walked around "dribbling a little" for 10 years before I finally was woken up to the fact that I can't contain myself.

My self acceptance journey is still in the making. I started last August, scared to buy "light" pads (wrong choice). Then feeling defeated, I bought Depends pull-ups. (Also, the wrong protection to suit my need). Finally, (pride evaporated) I called a medical supply company and got technical advice. That was also before I found this great source of info here. I finally have products that keep me from embarrassing myself in public, (not counting the bulge that I'm unsure of anyone notices) Self acceptance for me is coming to in the form of getting used to the fact that: Yes, I'm wearing diapers, and I'm still pretty much the same otherwise. This is just another hygiene tool I can use like hair gel, or deodorant. I don't want to feel weird, or ashamed of it, and thanks to my amazing wife, and supportive folks here, I'm getting a bit better at. I still would prefer if it wasn't something I had to deal with, but I am attempting to be positive. Honestly, I'm still kind of depressed about it, and nervous about why it has gotten so bad, so quick. (currently getting that all figured out with the doctors).

In summary, as I mentioned self acceptance is still a work in progress for me. I think once I have answers, and know what I'm facing, that will help give me some peace. The shame and embarrassment I feel now will probably fade I'm sure as time goes on. I'm doing the best I can with all of it, so there's nothing I should really stress about. It's just not a thing I expected to deal with at my age. I also wish they made cooler designs on diapers. If they're going to market all the adult baby crap, why don't they make trendy ones for cool people. Why not have some tattoo flash, or rock bands, or nature scenes. I'm glad Northshore has a black one I wear for nights. It makes me feel slighty less like I'm wearing something so I don't pee the bed. Lol. (There goes that acceptance thing I'm not quite getting yet).

Kind regards,
C.G.

[wayne]

Being "overprotected" has been my main take-away from this site and thanks for reinforcing that. Yet, there are times when I doubt. I agree that the simple act of wearing a diaper is much preferred over public accidents, despite the associated stigma. But the temptation to outsmart the future is strong in human nature. I suppose I should just be thankful that my IC has been minor so far.

Q. Knowing what you know now and my starting out in pull-ups due to light IC, would you advise that I purchase some briefs at this point? The only real use-case I would have at the moment is where I didn't want to use the washroom at sporting events (certain dirt track washrooms come to mind). I also suppose that if the IC should suddenly become more agressive, they would be good to have.

[wayne]

Thanks C.G. Indeed - "Yes, I'm wearing diapers, and I'm still pretty much the same otherwise." Me too, except for the self doubt.

I do hope to medicate my BPH, but with this pandemic I have to reach the doc over the phone, thru a secretary leaving messages for him. Such a pain. I wish I could see him directly.

I am mostly positive about this change, since I have no real choice for improvement and many others have it so much worse.

Q. How do most people respond when family members ask "Are you wearing a diaper?"

I'm not too worried about it, though I do think about how I am going to answer my daughters. I've thought I might answer with:

A. "It Depends! On who needs to know."

Outside of family, I'm not that concerned. A simple yes may be enough.

[fiacs]

Hi Wayne,
I started the original post several years ago.
I am glad to see that you have the right attitude. Too often, we get down on ourselves about having IC and wearing the necessary protection to save embarassment.
When I wrote the original post, I was dealing with SEVERE urinary incontinence ALL the time. This required me to use heavy protection both during the day and at night. The tincture of time has slowly healed me. Now my urge incontinence allows me to wait 5-10min before I have an accident so that it allows me to wear pullons when I am at home. I am still wearing diapers when I am out of the house and at night. However, its nice to be able to wear a pullon at home, feel the urge to use the toilet, go to the toilet, use the toilet and know that my pullup has stayed dry. Its a small victory! It doesn't always happen. Sometimes I will go to the toilet, use the toilet and look down at the pullup and realize that I had leaked at some point. That is still a victory because I was able to use the toilet instead of having a full bladder release in my diaper.
At this point, my dresser only has pullups and diapers. That is my normal and its ok because I can live a full life. Before Covid, my pullups and diapers allowed me to travel, see friends, play sports, hike, eat out and go shopping. I am truly blessed that I can still do all that with some different "underwear"
Keep up the hope.

[wayne]

Thanks fiacs. Indeed, that's precisely what I am trying to do -- living my otherwise normal life because "I am not done yet!" It's funny how the toilet gets no respect until you don't have access to it (or access on time). And it saves money. It must get expensive to go through multiple full diapers in a day.

I am glad that you've had a happy progression in the right direction. My doc just phoned over a prescription for Flowmax to the drug store today. So I am looking forward to improvement in my BPH situation, hopefully.

[fiacs]

Yes, it does get expensive. I know that Medicaid will cover the cost of adult diapers but I don't qualify for Medicaid.