www.incontinentsupport.org

I want to start another thread about self-acceptance: accepting our condition, and embracing the full lives that incontinence supplies affords us.

I think it will be useful for us to share our self-acceptance journey especially to help new members recognize that their journeys are often similar to ours.
This self-acceptance can can take several forms:

Examples:
1. Acceptance that we are incontinent and its not temporary
2. Acceptance that we will need diapers for the rest of our lives.

My prostatitis started several years ago. It started with pain and urgency.
-I briefly tried guards. Didn't feel secure so I quickly upgraded to pullons
- Used pullons for some time. It progressed from changing once a day to several times a day to changing after each void which became annoying.
- When the symptoms worsened and I was getting more urgency, more leaks and more volume with each urgency episode, I switched to diapers.
- It took about a 1-2 yrs after I starting diapers for me to accept that I will likely be in diapers for the rest of my life. I came to this realization after I tried conventional meds, herbals, acupuncture, etc. I noticed my symptoms would cyclically improve and worsen with these treatments. The improvement was never sustained and at best I could downgrade to a pullon.

What is your journey and how long did it take for you to find self-acceptance of your incontinence and your protection?
I am willing to do whatever I can with the means that are available to me to live the fullest life possible.

Absolutely agree.

Acceptance is the first step toward being able to cope effectively with incontinence.

We usually arrive at acceptance by degrees and not all at once. Complete acceptance may take years.

A few small tests for acceptance might (or might not) include the following: Do you use the word "diaper?" Have you told your physician that you are incontinent or wear diapers? Do you tell your spouse or partner that you had an "accident?" At home, do you try to hide all indicators that you are incontinent?

As for me, a "diaper" is a "diaper," not a "brief." My diapers are just my underwear. I do not broadcast that I am incontinent and wear diapers, but I wear bulky premium diapers outside the home. However, if you met me you would not know - people who have known me for years would never suspect that I wear diapers. I have diapers openly stored on shelving at home. I do not hide them from the maid. I openly discuss incontinence with a friend. My incontinence is a private matter, but it is not something about which I am ashamed.

Your thoughts?

--John
(double incontinent)

My case may not be typical, because acceptance was never an issue for me. My urinary incontinence announced itself loudly, with intense bladder spasms. I would gladly have paid anything to stop that pain; when my urologist told me that a sphincterotomy would leave me incontinent, saying yes was a no-brainer. Loss of bowel control is a consequence of my paralyzed GI system. I manage it with diet and 8-9 medications; however, it still threatens to asphyxiate me from time to time, and, when I mismanage it, I can have a bowel accident at any time. Acceptance must be tempered by awareness that bowel and bladder incontinence are not fit subjects for polite conversation. I would soon become tiresome for my family and friends if I mentioned them often in conversation. Being able to vent here among folks who live with the same issues as I do is key to my acceptance and successful management.

For some reason self acceptance of my condition and having to wear diapers has never been a problem for me. It might be because my incontinence came on so slowly, and especially early on, was so easy to accommodate with just a pad or two a day. I was actually happy to have such an easy solution to not soaking my underwear and pants. Then once my doctor determined the cause (BPH) even that part of the worry was eliminated. As my incontinence progressed it was just a slow progression to heavier and heavier protection 24/7. I think the fact that there are such good products available that allow us to live a "normal" life, and the fact that my Wife is so supportive is why I have accepted it so easily.
Do I like being incontinent and having to deal with it, no, but I look at it like having to wear eyeglasses or support stockings (both of which I need), it's just something you have to do. Several times my Wife has remarked that she is amazed at how well I have taken my "situation" and it surprises me because I just really don't think about it much. Sure, every once in long while I get down about it a bit but it passes quickly and I just get on with life. Hey, if having to wear diapers for the rest of my life is the biggest curve ball life throws at me I'll be pretty happy about that.

I have lived with severe OAB and urge incontinence for years, brought on by Tarlov Cysts on my S3 sacral nerve root and Cauda Equine Syndrome. I have been in and out of diapers since 1987, and full time since 2006. As you know, managing incontinence is a process, and although I have accepted my condition, I do sometimes grow weary of the management routine. It is helpful to have a site like this were one can come to vent, share experiences and offer advice. Many of us have been at this for decades, so hopefully we can provide perspective and encouragement to each other and especially to those of you who are new to incontinence.

I have a hard time accepting. I understand my condition with a fair amount of medical training and work around the medical industry. I understand my condition however accepting it is completely different trying multiple different types of treatments some causing terrible side effects others that helped little and some none at all. I have a hard time understanding how I can accept the situation I am in. I can wear a cathiter wich was not comfortable at all for me, I can wear protection which I do but it is completely embarrassing to me not nowing if someone can see or hear and the fear of leaks is always in the back of your head or try to manage on my own wich works here and there but always results in an embarrassing accident. Obviously not the best option. It is very apparent I have not accepted my situation and I have a hard time understanding how I can ever come to terms with it. This group has definitely helped me along the way and I definitely have a long way to go to accepting I hope one day I can become more accepting of my situation but for now I have up days that are easier than others down days where I feel so desperate and depressed with my medical conditions. The one thing that makes it bearable is the support and loving guidance of my wife who deals with me through it all.

Yes, I accept that I wear a diaper.

I have a large prostate which causes me to have urgency incontinence. I accept that I have to wear a diaper 24/7. By wearing a diaper I can do anything I want to do and not worry about having to find a restroom every two hours.

One thing that helps is that I can sew. I have made cloth diapers that fit just right for me. This cuts down that cost of disposable diapers. I have also made the plastic pants that I need to wear with the cloth diaper. To me wearing a diaper is “no big thing”. The cost of my diapers is not a burden to me.

I look at a diaper as just my underwear. When I used regular underwear I never went around telling other people “I am wearing tight-ty white-es” and I do not tell others that I am wearing a diaper. It is no one business.

_________________
RetiredRN

Ive come to terms and accepted my Incontinence issue and my need to wear diapers, I no longer worry or think about them or if some one notices.

I think having a diaper I can trust to do its job has helped with the acceptance since leaks are now rare so no more wet spots on my pants.

My incontinence is the result of a surgical mishap and subsequent life-threatening infection when I was 14 years old in 1956. I have never been reliably dry at night since that time. At first I was wet and had to wear a diaper 24/7. But fanatically doing what nowadays are called Kegel exercises got me to the point where I could generally go without a daytime diaper by the time I was about 17. That situation (diapered at night but usually not during the day) went on until I was in my forties, at which time my daytime problems worsened. So I’ve been back in diapers 24/7 for the past 35 years or so. Acceptance of needing to wear a diaper came about with the realization that not wearing a diaper made me a housebound invalid and that wearing a diaper allowed me to go anywhere I wanted to go and do almost anything I wanted to do. In other words, I realized that diapers were something that I should view as part of the solution instead of part of the problem.

Spending time on this forum is a reminder that this community is a village of courage.
We all have our stories of how we became incontinent (injury, surgery, illness, etc)
We also our stories of the challenges of managing our incontinence when it was new to us.
And we also have our stories (as shown above) about how we have overcome the stigma of incontinence and wearing diapers to live a full life.
Thanks everyone!