Hi all! My husband and I took the whole weekend to spend together as a family, something that doesn’t happen often. With the virus issues lately, many of the activities that tend to pull each of us in different (separate) directions has suddenly been canceled or put on hold. Even church was canceled yesterday, though live streaming was offered. Just not the same... Anyway, Saturday morning we stopped at my mom’s house to drop off some groceries and other things and she was the normal loving but stern mom that I’ve always known. We stayed awhile, then went on to my dad’s home. Again, we had some special treats for him and my stepmom. While we were there, my dad wanted me to accompany him to the garden to chat. My thought was that he wanted to show me his new tractor or get advice about the garden, but I quickly realized that he just wanted to talk. As a child, my dad drank a lot and wasn’t a happy drunk. He would come home angry and things usually went downhill from there. My parents divorced years ago and my dad was later forced to stop drinking due to liver and other health issues. What a change over the last 10+ years!! Well, apparently the drinking also caused other health issues as he told me that he went from occasional urine leakage issues to full on urine incontinence. Though my mom never (never!) accepted my incontinence, she herself has had minor incontinence issues for much of her life, which I’ve known about but never understood why she was SO HARD ON ME for my leakage and need for diapers from childhood. My dad on the other hand was a mean drunk but I knew he always loved me, though sometimes was difficult to see past his anger. Over the last 10-15 years, he has been nothing but kind, loving, and accepting of me, though I’ve been somewhat standoffish and maybe protective for much of that time. Well yesterday when he told me about his incontinence issues, all I could do is hug him and cry. The reality of it is that I feel so much closer to him now than mom, though I have to wonder if I haven’t felt that way for years anyway. I think that mom always wanted me to be her sweet, petite, perfect princess, but was somewhat disappointed in that I was “broken”. It was and still is obvious that she is ashamed of my need for diapers, though she herself uses pads! My dad has had his moments but for the most part, I have always felt loved. I think that it’s time for a restart with my dad and enjoy the years that we can. Mom will always be mom, and I love her dearly, but I know she will always see me as damaged goods.
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