www.incontinentsupport.org

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!
Like many here I just returned from an extended holiday to join family and friends, and am THRILLED to be HOME! I usually love the holidays and spending time with extended family, but getting back home and into my routine is so calming.
Getting back into my comfort zone where it comes to incontinence protection routine is equally comforting.
While I was gone from home for nearly TWO weeks, I used disposable products entirely because of the need to be discreet around those who “weren’t” aware of my need for “protection “.... or degree of incontinence....
Unfortunately, I had one absolutely horrific accident a few days ago with oh so many around!! I was sitting on my sister’s beautiful “C” shape leather sectional, when I flooded an Abena M4 that admittedly was ready to be changed. I did not have a booster in and before I knew it, I was sitting in a puddle that leaked down into the gap between two sections. My mom ushered me into a bedroom (like a child) where I got cleaned up and changed. Then I had to deal with watching my brother-in-law pulling apart the sectional and cleaning up.
Well, the secret is null and void, as is my self esteem. I can’t express the degree of total humiliation and embarrassment!!! It was the perfect storm. I doubt I will travel much of anywhere until some time passes and I regain some confidence.
Trying really hard to stay positive and avoid depression. My family is keeping me distracted and being so very kind.

Your 'Welcome to 2020' reminds me of my 'leaks on leather', Ellyn --

My leather car seats have taken a direct hit a few times as well as my
motorcycle leathers when riding. I suppose the embarrassment with the
visible evidence we've left behind can count as some of our 'worst case'
bladder incontinence moments.

No more trying to get by with just enough protection. That added booster
along with a good diaper cover are now my minimum standard when out
and about.

We all learn by doing. We learn from failures and we learn from successes.
Sadly, we learn from deeply embarrassing moments, too.

Good luck.

John.

So glad to see the board up again. It's been down the last few days.

We had a party at our house for NYE, with 20+ people. It was a blast, everyone laughing and enjoying each other. Silly games, lots of food and drinks.

I went through 3 Seni Super Plus between 8pm and 2am. No leaks.

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- Tom

Ellyn,

Welcome home. Here you are among friends who understand your predicament because they have endured it themselves. If there were a topic 'accidents I have endured,' here it would soon become a book with endless pages. I look forward to your correspondence, insights, and support this year.

Just as I believe I am in control of my health issues or my life in general, I find that I control nothing.
I have been getting texts, emails, and even phone calls (!!!) from a few in my family that are concerned for my well being and try to down play my accident but that only refreshes the humiliation that I feel. It’s one thing to have that type of accident while alone or even in front of my family here at home, but extended family!! Everyone in the house knew what happened, whether they witnessed or not, instantaneously! One minute relaxing, laughing, sipping on hot apple cider with my family, the next minute running for the bathroom in shame. I think the worst part was the feelings and memories it brought back in an instant from years past. I guess that the past can never be buried and forgotten, but instead there to haunt forever. For the most part, I have tried to erase my childhood past from memory until something like this happens, then like a flash, it all comes flooding in and I feel like I’m drowning in sadness and hopelessness.
Yes, I’m a little depressed, but holding up. I guess that I don’t need to try nearly as hard to hide my incontinence issues next time we gather, which may make things easier, until someone brings up this Christmas, stares at me trying to distinguish a diaper outline, offers an underpaid to protect their bed,... GOD!!!!!!
In the meanwhile, I find comfort in being able to share my feelings here with those having similar experiences and willing to listen.

Ellyn said: "I find comfort in being able to share my feelings here with those having similar experiences and willing to listen.[/quote]"

Yes. We know what you say and how you feel.

We are the best listeners you can find.

With incontinence, we take our best efforts so that an 'accident' is planned for and handled with discretion. It should be isolated from
notice so that we can continue to function like everyone else until a private moment that allows us to change if necessary. We strive to
conceal not so much the protection itself (diaper), but any accidental leaking or release that we cannot hold. From that point,
we want to trust our protection enough that our lack of 'hold' is completely arrested by the best garments we know to wear.

Hey, it happens and people knew. Ideally, when an accident happens, 98% of the time, NO ONE knows. Dammit! Why can't
it be 100% ?

John.

According to the Simon Foundation, there are some 33,000,000 incontinent older children, adolescents, and adults in the USA. We are as common as dirt. Your accident and its attendant humiliation could be a useful teaching moment for those family members who never encountered an incontinent adult before. The next time they see a stranger carrying a gym bag, going into a handicapped accessible restroom, they will know better. It is a high price to pay, but you may have done us all a valuable service.

Well, If I have “helped” pave the way to acceptance of the 33MM of us, then I guess that’s the only positive that came out of that horrible experience for me.
The reality of it is that most likely knew that I was incontinent to some degree anyway as I’ve been incontinent my whole life. What they probably didn’t know was the extent that I’ve progressed to. I personally know a large number of women (10 or more) that experience leakage, most of them “stress” incontinent, requiring a pad or as much as absorbent underwear (Tena, Depends, Always, and the like). Now they all likely realize that I’m full on diapers.
Again though it’s not so much knowing that they all know about my “medical issue”, that they probably knew anyway, but more the memories that the incident stirred up. My childhood SUCKED! Sorry. I love my mom but the way she got me up and hauled me off was SO reminiscent of the past. The look in her face wasn’t that of concern or sympathy but more of disappointment. Yes, I’ve talked with professionals about this before... Yes, I love my mom and myself.... Yes, I forgave my father... This is just one of those pieces of baggage I (like all of us) carry around.
When I returned to the living room, I got to witness the guys putting the sectional back together after cleaning -my pee-! It’s not like I could have simply left. No, I was there for two more days to have to deal with the fallout.
I’m SO GLAD it’s over!!

So sorry you have to deal with this @Ellyn. Though it is embarrassing to get the texts, emails, and phone calls, it sounds like your family is at least trying to understand and make sure you are OK, but I can definitely understand wishing they would just drop it and not bring it up. Hang in there! You are among friends here. Wishing you an exceptional 2020!

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"When you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."