www.incontinentsupport.org

My mom used to pat my butt with every change. She also did it after I began changing myself as I walked past her. I got to the point of avoiding her, which at that point she started making me feel guilty about the distance. I don’t recall complaining about the pats, which is my fault.
My husband does it playfully, which at times irritates me, but at others leads to other things. He’s a lot taller than me so he has to reach down a bit to pat my butt, but at least I know he’s interested in the connection, even if it does provoke a reaction from me, good or not so good.
Even when it irritates me, I try to keep it lite, which probably sends the wrong signal.

My mom and sister would pat my butt occasionally but it was more of a "get out of the way" kind of thing. It usually happened in the kitchen after a family dinner when I was trying to be helpful by doing the dishes or putting leftovers away. As mom's are want to do she would say, "I got this, go sit..." My sister would do the same thing if she saw me playing dishwasher Tetris.
With my back and nerve pain problems it kills me to stand for any length of time so they were just being kind.

I am in a wheelchair. And need constant aid. my caregivers or husband know that if I leave the home. To make sure I'm wearing a loose fitting dress or pants. As so nobody will notice I'm basically wearing a adult diaper. Especially if I'm going to be out and away from home for any length of time. So I try not to concern Myself with the bulk of the products.

It might be worth telling him. We men do not always realize when we are misbehaving towards women. I'm not talking about domestic violence (which is even worse) but about little things that matter to women.



This reason looks somewhat different. Good luck with your back and nerve pain problems. I have also frequent low back pain problems so I feel for you. I also suffer from meralgia paraesthetica (skinny pants syndrome).

Tell him that what he's doing upsets you, and why, and to stop.

If he wants the connection, he has the entire rest of your body he can touch, rather than the outside of your diaper.

It’s a slippery slope when couples begin to deny their husbands / wives. This is a small thing that sometimes bothers me a little. There are times that it leads to other things.
A long while back, I did a blog here on intimacy. It’s difficult being intimate with your mate sometimes when you’re incontinent. You need to make plans so spontaneity is usually out the window. Loving and sharing your life takes many elements to make it successful, as we all know. One important element is patience.... My husband probably doesn’t realize that patting my bottom bothers me sometimes, as sometimes I respond in a very positive way. He puts up with a a lot from me sometimes.

With the knowledge of the bad early diaper experiences many of you have had I can certainly understand why a pat on your diapered bottom could be upsetting. However, my incontinence is much more recent (only about 5 years) and I've never had a truly traumatic event associated with my diapers. Sure they are pain to deal with sometimes but nothing traumatic. So when my Wife playfully pats my diapered rear I take it as a sign of her acceptance of my condition and I have to say I rather like it. This may be what Ellyn's Husband is thinking too, but please understand that in no way am I saying one should like it, but rather just expressing a different viewpoint.

That's why I suggested to tell him. As Padded53 said, some people might like it. It's not because he puts up with a lot from you that you can't ask him a favor.
Far be it for me to interfere in your relationship. I don't have much experience in being a couple. I don't have a good self-image so I never dare to have a date with a girl. (mainly due to my wetting issues but also other things)

When my husband married me, we were finished with school (college, at least for the moment) and I was approaching the end of my lighter leakage. I was wearing cloth diapers to bed and usually a single cloth diaper or Attends during the day as flooding was seldom. He knew what he was getting into but probably didn’t realize that leakage would become much (much) worse. When we were together, only a pad under us was necessary. Now, provisions must be made for flooding, which certainly takes planning. I think that he does the gentle pats as maybe a signal or clue that he’s ready to make plans...
For me, it’s the sound that gets to me. The sound with disposable diapers doesn’t bother me as much as cloth. It’s kind of a muffled popping sound that reminds me and anyone within earshot that I’m well padded.
When I was a young girl, before the diagnosis, my mom used to put me over her knee and spank me for wetting at school or during the day. She didn’t seem concerned as much about nighttime soaking. Luckily she would double diaper me beforehand, which was great as the spankings didn’t hurt, though I didn’t tell her that. I think she probably knew that and simply wanted to humiliate me through the process, but it was that popping sound that I associated with shame and humiliation.
When I finally was diagnosed with the nerve issues and deformations, the spankings went away, but I had entered my teens and the emotional damage was done. For years before and after, she would make me hang the diapers and plastic pants on the clothesline to dry as soon as I was tall enough to reach it. We had a dryer but she claimed they took too long to dry., which she had a point. When I went away for college, I admit I went a little wild. I was SO HAPPY to be away from home!!!

Ellyn, I knew you had a difficult childhood (you told us about it in your post about acceptance). I couldn't imagine how badly it had been. I feel so sorry for you. I was humiliated by my classmates but never by my parents.

(I wish I had been spanked wearing my diaper. It wouldn't have hurt so much, lol)