www.incontinentsupport.org

Hi All! I've become a little conflicted lately and would welcome your thoughts as I struggle with something.

First some quick background: I've been wearing diapers for neurogenic bladder & OAB for a couple years now (has it been that long???). First it was only to bed for night time accidents that evolved into nightly wettings. Then daytime issues became frequent enough that I decided to go 24/7. My urologist determined that my issues must have been caused by overuse of sinus pills (yeah, I know, didn't make sense to me, either, but he's the doc) and did TUIP surgery to help flow and empty my bladder. After the surgery, I lost all control, but after a few months regained enough control that, most days I could go without a diaper as long as I was close to a bathroom and did timed voiding.

Over this past summer, I found out after going to the spine clinic, that my issues are actually due to low back injury and degeration, which I'm told will get progressively worse over time, and the best I can do is try to slow the process and manage the pain. A few months ago I started having bowel incontinence that has progressed to daily occurrences. Fortunately, it happens in the morning, so as of now, I don't worry about it too much the rest of the day. How this all plays out is that I am diapered at least from the time I go to bed until I get through my morning routine. If things seem to be cooperating, I can still usually go without a diaper most of the day. What I am finding recently, however, is that the times I feel comfortable risking it are lessening. The northeast Ohio winter doesn't help, as the cold makes me instantly have to go, and I don't have much ability to hold it. So, for the past couple weeks, I'm back to 24/7.


Now for the $64,000 question (youngsters can Google the reference, lol): Do I keep fighting it and trying to maintain what control I have left? I've been struggling with this recently. I managed to live pretty well during the 9 months I was 24/7 before, so I know that it won't significantly affect my world. The reality is that, even when things are cooperating, I am still spending well over half my life diapered, including every night and morning, meetings, travel, long car rides, whenever things don't seem to be cooperating, and any other time getting to a restroom quickly would be problematic. I guess I'm at a crossroads in that I'm not sure I see the point in continuing to try to maintain that little bit of control. It is stressful and, frankly, control is only good if you can count on it. Conversely, I feel that if I go back to diapers 24/7, there will be no turning back at this point...I'm sure I will lose what control I have left. But is it really worth prolonging the inevitable? I just keep hearing "why bother" going through my head...

I usually try to be very positive about my situation and try to help others on here and other sites, but once in a while, I do still struggle. I know my question is nothing new here - just throwing it out there for any thoughts you all might have. You, collectively, have helped me immensely throughout this journey, and I truly appreciate your input.

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"When you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

I just finally gave up years ago and started wearing 24/7 as it was progressively getting worse. I still consider it an accomplishment if I can make it to the bathroom and I can stay dry just a little longer, but that doesn't happen often.

I have had several TURP surgeries and have urgency incontinence so I wear diapers 24/7. This gives me a secure feeling so I do not have to worry about incontinence. Read: Stress Free. I am retired and diapers let me do ANYTHING I want to do.

My advice is to wear a diaper and do not worry about it. You have a valid reason for having to wear diapers, post TURP.

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RetiredRN

not having to constantly worry about where the nearest bathroom is most of the time. and not making it anyway is a huge stress reliever.

If I did not wear protection (diapers) I would be chained to a bathroom; my house would soon smell like a porta-potty, and I would still have accidents. Ignoring what that would do to my marriage and family life, I would still be governed by incontinence. But I have a life to lead, work to do, snow to shovel, grass to mow, and family gatherings to host. I do not see wearing diapers as a surrender of any kind; rather, they are positively liberating. They enable me to meet my responsibilities and get on with life.

Patrick, thank you so much for sharing. This message of confidence will certainly help nudge a lot of people into making some changes to try to gain control of their incontinence. How long did it take you to get to this point? Did your incontinence happen gradually, or suddenly?

well said!

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Thank you all for the input. I have historically been known to give people the same feedback as above, and I am completely comfortable and "ok" with wearing diapers, so I'm surprised to be struggling with this myself. It must be because I did regain some control and have some freedom for several months. It's hard to put into words, but part of me thinks I'm just being lazy and giving up. On the other hand, regaining some control and being able to go without a diaper at times does have its perks, but the added stress of "what if" is always in the back of my mind, as even when I've been gone without, it seems like a bit of a crap shoot.

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"When you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

My urinary incontinence is neurogenic, caused by a genetic disease. It caused intense bladder pain and threatened my kidneys, until a sphincterotomy granted me blessed relief, at the cost of uncontrolled bladder leakage for the rest of my life. My bowel incontinence is largely caused by a paralyzed GI system. Of the two, the GI paralysis is the more threatening. In addition to bowel accidents, it makes me vomit, sometimes in my sleep, very nearly asphyxiating me several times. It makes eating a chore, and could make me lose weight if not controlled. It makes starvation a real threat. I cannot remember a time when I had a choice about whether or not to wear protection, so coming to terms with needing to wear protection was not an issue that I faced. My body may be somewhat the worse for wear, but it still is my body, and I need to find a way to make it work.

My cause is general stated as weak bladder muscles and have been wearing since birth. After more than 20 years, it still is a hassle.

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Incontinent since young, wearing Abena M4 or Tena Slip Maxi.