www.incontinentsupport.org

This board is filled with people with great hearts who are willing to help others cope with incontinence. I think we would naturally help people we know cope with incontinence too.
I have finally convinced my mom's best friend to enjoy life by wearing a diaper. My mom asked me to talk to her best friend last month because her urinary symptoms have impeded her quality of life. She has pulled herself out of social activities. By our standards her urgency does not seem to bad. She can hold it for 30-45 min after the initial urge. Sometimes its close to an hour if she uses the bathroom. Its not a problem unless she is in a situation where she is stuck such as long car trips, movies, shows, etc. She rationalized that if she avoids those situations, all is well. However, she did not realize all that she was giving up because of her problem.
I understand the stigma of wearing a diaper. I suggested that she can wear one just in case. First it was for a long bus car trip across the state. She didn't use it but it gave her confidence that she would be ok if she needed to. Then she was able to go to a symphony performance. Once again she wore it but could wait until intermission to use the bathroom. She seems much happier and is going out with friends again. All she needed was a reorientation of how a diaper can help her life.

Well done!

good job. Did she know you had to wear them?

Bravo! Incontinence is slowly coming out of the closet; hopefully, future generations will look on the current stigma as a quaint relic of the past, and do what they need to do to get on with life.

My mom approached me about her friend's increasingly self-isolating behavior. My mom told me that her friend (Rose) had confided to her about her worries of having an accident only during certain situations.
I really didn't know what to do at first. After thinking about it, I asked my mom to invite Rose for coffee. It was very casual and I found an opportunity to open up about my incontinence. In fact, I brought up the topic as if I was talking to my mom with Rose as bystander. I mentioned to my mom that I have found a routine with my diapers and that my life has become less stressful. I have new found freedom to do things and told my mom about my upcoming ski trip and other trips in 2019.
Rose didn't say anything at first. The topics changed and when there was a break in conversation, Rose opened up about her urgency issues. She said that it normally isn't an issue. She can go to work and complete her daily tasks without a problem. Her anxiety occurs when she is away from a bathroom for a prolonged period of time. Accidents have been rare but emotionally devastating enough for her to avoid certain situations. I advised her to wear a premium diaper for those situations. I told her that its like wearing a helmet or any other safety equipment. I told her to wear it to an event and to continue using the bathroom and timed voiding as she normally does. If she stays dry, take it off and throw it away. If she has to go to the bathroom, then she should still try. If she makes it, then thats great. If she doesn't make it to the toilet, and wets the diapers, then so be it. I was able to take away the taboo away from wearing an adult diaper and she would be willing to try it. I told her that the pullup style may be easier to take off to use the bathroom but the taped diapers are easier to change and to put a new one on if she has an accident. The taped diapers also offer more protection. I left it at that.

great work!

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good soft approach by not just saying, my mom told me you are having issues.

Fiacs:
Great job with helping out your Mom's friend, your experience reminded me of a few that occurred a while back...

Once was when my Wife and I were going to a long duration outside event. Before we left my Wife mentioned that she wasn't looking forward to having to find and use a Porta-Potty (she hates them) but knew due to the length of the event that she would probably have to. I knew that I would be fine with my usual protection (at last a benefit!) so I said that she could just wear a diaper and she wouldn't have to use the Porta-Potty. A strange look came over her face and I could see she was imagining wearing a diaper and was seriously considering it. Then that look changed dramatically, and at that point I could see she was imagining actually (horrors!) using the diaper, and that was it, she said "No thanks, I'll be fine". I didn't push the offer.

Another time a very good friend of mine had recently undergone prostate radiation therapy and was running off to the bathroom what seemed like a couple of times an hour due to the minor urges he was having. I mentioned to him that he might consider a "pad" and I now remember that I got both of the same looks that my Wife gave me followed by an abrupt and final "No". As in the first case I didn't even consider pushing the point.

These instances showed me that there are actually two additional stigmas attached to diapers other than just the awful "D" word. First there is wearing a diaper, hmmm maybe not so bad. But then there's actually using it, WHOA! game over, I'm not going to do THAT! Interesting psychology at work there, and something that we diaper wearers went through, easily or not so easily, at some point.