Diaper issues and resulting frustration

[Ellyn]

Hi all
I have had incontinence issues most of my life due to birth defects of the bladder. I’m in my early 40’s (...) and for the most part, live a pretty active and fulfilling lifestyle. I have been able to manage my urinary malfunction well and am generally okay with my physical ailments as I’ve delt with them pretty well most of my life.
I have gone through what I believe to be most of the testing and have tried most of the meds in an attempt to control my leakage issues, but most drugs, I’ve found, result in various side effects that are difficult to deal with. As a result, I chose years ago to skip the “treatments” and accept my condition for what it is. Thank God, I’m in very good health otherwise, so I feel blessed in so many ways.
Now, for the issues...
I hate disposable diapers, but they are a necessary for so many times in society due to the ability to conceal them. I’ve tried what I believe to be most to all disposables available to me and have found several misgivings with most... They tend to break down and bunch when wet after a short time! I found that compression panties help with this somewhat.
With disposable diapers, you generally get what you pay for. Cheap diapers are cheap.... I’ve generally settled on Abena M4 and Comfidry 24/7, changing about every 4-6 hrs.
I wear Tena Pull-ups when possible but found that pull-ups alone can leak when I’m too active or in them too long! Lately I’ve used a Tena Intimates pad inside the pull-up, which works well BUT with the combined cost, a quality tape diaper costs less. The pull-up is much less conspicuous though... For me, a pad in my panties simply will not work and will occasionally leak, usually when I’m very active (running, exercise, sports, etc).
In the evening and overnight, I’m a cloth girl, mostly due to the comfort and zero leakage issues at night. Though a great choice at night, they aren’t always a good choice during the day. Changing is always an issue when out and about for extended periods of time or at work. They are a good choice for me under a skirt if I’m out for less than 4 hours, and always with compression panties or pantyhose/leggings. At night, I have found that a nighttime prefold is simply not enough thickness for comfort! Double diapers are best for me as a single gets very uncomfortable (damp feeling) after a few hours. With double diapers, I sleep very well all night, but need to run the washer and dryer DAILY. I tried a pail for awhile but they are pretty nasty after a day or two. Gross to deal with after two days!
Given a choice, I’d wear double cloth all the time due to the comfort factor but other than weekends or time off otherwise, society dictates otherwise.
There you have it. No one said life would be easy, but we all do what we have to to make the very best of it possible! I count my blessings often and thank God my boys and husband are healthy!

[Patrick]

Welcome.

Your situation is similar to mine, gender differences aside. I wear cloth when I'm home or out and about locally, and reserve disposables for travel.

I look forward to your wisdom and insights.

[batman381327]

Welcome to the group. A lot of support here and as Patrick said look forward to your advise.

[mattwp]

have you looked at the abena pull ups they have also northshore has a line of pull ups they both have some good ones have a look at them and or give them a try may be worth it to try them

[Ellyn]

Thank you Patrick and Batman for your kindness!
As for advice, I continue to learn and evolve where my needs are concerned.
I run through rough spots in my life, like everyone else in the world I guess. I’ve had my share of depression as an outcome, but always work through to the other side. It’s the whole lemons and lemonade thing. Incontinence is not for weak of heart. It’s not fun dealing with the whole thing BUT there are advantages and sometimes you can even have a little fun....
We all likely know the disadvantages of incontinence... BUT:
Not having to be toilet dependent is one great advantage! Two cups of coffee and stuck in traffic = no stress, except for dealing with idiots on the road!
Worrying much less about women’s monthly issues.
I could go on and on.
You can have some fun too... Let your imagination run a little wild. Most important caution here though is to NEVER EVER involve others in your fun, other than your husband, wife, or partner.

[Ellyn]

have you looked at the abena pull ups they have also northshore has a line of pull ups they both have some good ones have a look at them and or give them a try may be worth it to try them

Thank you! I have not tried Northshore yet. I did try Abena pull-ups a year or more ago but found that Tena are very absorbent and fit my waist and hips well. They are also available at most drug stores (at least in Texas), and are less costly. Unfortunately, I have occasional issues with very heavy flooding that most pull-ups have difficulties containing that much fluid quickly. For those times I insert a Tena pad, which has solved that leakage issue. Combined cost is excessive though, but there are times when an Abena M4 is inappropriate for my attire.
I’ve tried thinner tape on diapers but for those heavy flow times, they bunch terribly, making them very conspicuous! Pads in panties is a disaster waiting to happen, even with the most absorbent that I’ve tried.
It’s a learning curve and I continue to try different solutions.

[Padded53]

Not sure if you are aware of it but Molicare also makes a premium pull-up called "Molicare Mobile". I've tried the Abena, Northshore, and Molicare and have to say they all are about the same to me with only minor differences in cut and feel, but you never know, one rather than the others may just work out well for you.
You mentioned adding a pad to a pull-up and I have to say I do that quite often. In my case I use a "Male Guard" pad (Walmart Assurance brand, 22 cents each) and have found them to be very effective. Who knows, the male guard pad may just work well for you as it absorbs floods quickly and has a good bit of SAP to contain it. As we all know when dealing with incontinence it's what works, not what it's called or who it's "supposed" to be for, that's important.

[Ellyn]

One more thing that’s been bothering me a lot lately...
As close friends and not so close family members find out about my incontinance issues, the one and Soooo irritating question asked is “have you seen a doctor”!!!
I was eventually diagnosed with two specific birth defects that sense my bladder capacity and ability to control the release.
It all started when I had heavy voiding at night as a little girl. “Oh, she’ll grow out of it”.... then came the accidents at school.... “Maybe she’s not paying attention to her need to go”, or “she’s just lazy...”!!!
Then came the tests.... and the drugs.... and the side effects.... For me, most drugs prescribed made me sick, extremely hyper, or very drowsy.
When I wet the bed as a young girl, I wasn’t treated with compassion for something I couldn’t control. Instead I was diapered and shamed. When I was having daytime accidents, I was punished by having my toys and such removed and diapered in thick cloth diapers on weekends as punishment.
I went through a very difficult time back then and my self esteem was broken into bits. I had very few friends and things like play dates and sleepovers were non-existent. I was alway in some form of protection from pads to large toddler diapers (I was and am very petite), which made gym class and school in general agonizing.
It wasn’t until I was a teenager and started my periods that a gynecologist decided that there was much more to my leakage issues, so MORE TESTS. Surgery was discussed with my parents, but the medical coverage apparently wasn’t the greatest and the likelihood of solving the issues were far from guaranteed, the major issue being nerve damage and subsequent loss of muscle control.
In my early 20’s, more tests. More surgical options with limited prospects of normal control. I chose the wait and see approach, though the depression that followed was at times unbearable. Young women are supposed to enjoy their college days, dating, and all. Not so much for me. There was always the trust and confidence issues with dating. Eventually, I met my husband. We dated a few years, married, and had two wonderful boys!
Life has had (and continues to have) ups and downs, but thankfully much more ups!
I still discuss meds and surgery with my doctors but sometimes the potential cure is shadowed by the potential additional damage. Over the years, most doctors have been reluctant to do surgery, but more than happy to prescribe new drugs.... Thanks, but no,for now as least. Most drugs that “treat” my symptoms removes the “me” from me.

[Patrick]

You have been through the mill; however, you have emerged triumphant. Congratulations. Success comes in many forms, which makes your experience so valuable to everyone else here. I am in your debt. Thank you.

[batman381327]

I still discuss meds and surgery with my doctors but sometimes the potential cure is shadowed by the potential additional damage. Over the years, most doctors have been reluctant to do surgery, but more than happy to prescribe new drugs.... Thanks, but no,for now as least. Most drugs that “treat” my symptoms removes the “me” from me.

My thoughts exactly.