It’s Scary and Confusing
Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2018 7:17 pm
I’ve had ongoing issues with symptoms of OAB over the last year. Night time accidents returned as week a year ago after about a two year absence. The urologist gave me mybetriq which helps during the day to some degree - but it’s very up and down, super variable in terms of how much urgency I have, how much frequency, and if I have accidents or leakage. It’s so confusing to know what causes symptoms to get worse or better. Some days I feel as though I’m totally normal and crazy for having gone to the urologist in the first place. Other days, like today, I feel like I need to be in full blown diapers all the time.
It was pretty scary actually - exposing. I have graduated to the place where I only wear a male pad or a pull-up when I’m out and about in places that are unusual to me, if I don’t already know what and where the bathrooms are, etc, or when I know I’ll not easily be able to access a bathroom for an hour or two at a time. I generally don’t need to wear anything at home because I can run to the toilet at the first sign and it’s all good.
Well - today I was at work talking to some colleagues in a circle of four men in a hallway. I had had a slight urge a few minutes prior but did some deep kegal squeezes and the sensation had passed. After doing a small 2 minute task with these men, after I had that urge, then standing in the hallway, an urge returned that I honestly don’t know how I kept from flooding my pants. It was awful and scary. They were talking to me and all I could do was nod and smile and plead with myself not to let it happen right in front of them. I was only wearing a male pad and brown lightish tight fitting pants. It would’ve been terrible.
A few spurts came out but I was able to make it pass and that was that.
Ironically, I wouldn’t have had such fear had I been in a regular diaper or even a heavier duty Ns pull-up. But then I am anxious about people noticing that I have a diaper. Ugh. It’d be so much easier to just have pills that work all the way or at least in a reliable way even if the effect was limited. Not being able to know how my bladder will behave is anxiety ridden.
I’m sure I’m not alone - just wanted to share the emotional weight of this stupid thing - at least for me.
It was pretty scary actually - exposing. I have graduated to the place where I only wear a male pad or a pull-up when I’m out and about in places that are unusual to me, if I don’t already know what and where the bathrooms are, etc, or when I know I’ll not easily be able to access a bathroom for an hour or two at a time. I generally don’t need to wear anything at home because I can run to the toilet at the first sign and it’s all good.
Well - today I was at work talking to some colleagues in a circle of four men in a hallway. I had had a slight urge a few minutes prior but did some deep kegal squeezes and the sensation had passed. After doing a small 2 minute task with these men, after I had that urge, then standing in the hallway, an urge returned that I honestly don’t know how I kept from flooding my pants. It was awful and scary. They were talking to me and all I could do was nod and smile and plead with myself not to let it happen right in front of them. I was only wearing a male pad and brown lightish tight fitting pants. It would’ve been terrible.
A few spurts came out but I was able to make it pass and that was that.
Ironically, I wouldn’t have had such fear had I been in a regular diaper or even a heavier duty Ns pull-up. But then I am anxious about people noticing that I have a diaper. Ugh. It’d be so much easier to just have pills that work all the way or at least in a reliable way even if the effect was limited. Not being able to know how my bladder will behave is anxiety ridden.
I’m sure I’m not alone - just wanted to share the emotional weight of this stupid thing - at least for me.