www.incontinentsupport.org

Hi everyone,

I'm only 38 and just became incontinent within this month and it is devastating! I have urge incontinence and leak when I run to the bathroom. Right now I'm wearing Always Discreet moderate pads as the liners were not enough to hold the liquid. I'm so scared this is going to progress and I'll have to wear Always Discreet Boutique underwear one day!

I have had a history of UTIs and I had a kidney stone last year. Could this all be related? I read on this forum that the sphincter can loosen with passage of a kidney stone.

This is beyond depressing...I was fairly active before this all started. How can I go to the beach now? To the gym swimming? To a hot tub? Do I have to give up on the activities I love? I hope I don't have Parkinsons or some neurological disorder. I'm so young to develop this!

Hi icgirl welcome. I became incontinent around the age of 36 (I'll be 41 next month) due to an accident resulting in nerve damage. I too thought "I'm too young for this." But thanks to this site and my doctors I learned people of all ages suffer from incontinence. I also didnt think I'd ever have a life. But as an example I am on my way to the airport from a week long vacation visiting my family where I went to a baseball game and tons of other things. It takes some planning but just know, life is not over. This site has been a blessing for me and I hope it is beneficial for you too.

I would also recommend seeing a doctor. Most start with their gp and then get a referral to a urologist.

Thank you for your response, justej. It means the world to me. It is hard dealing with this so young. I'm worried that my spouse will leave me once the news of this settles in. I will be all alone.

Can you or someone please let me know if this is supposed to progress or can it stay stable for many years? Can I continue to use pads? Do I have to kiss the beach goodbye?

I cannot give advice on your spouse as I don't have one (years of repeated surgeries, medical problems, etc haven't left much room for dating) but I would think if your spouse really cares they would stick it through with you.

Without knowing what exactly is going on we cant tell you if it will get better, worse, or stay the same. That's something you would need to talk about with your doctor. If pads work I say go ahead and use them. And lots of incontinent folks go to the beach. Like I said before it may take some planning but I don't see why not.

Justej, what I mean is I can go to the beach, but I can't go swimming in a swimsuit anymore. Sorry to be so negative. I know there are other activities I can still do. You are close to my age. If you want to chat, pm me anytime.

icgirl,

There could be many reasons for your incontinence. Most women will experience it before and after child birth as I am sure you know. I would schedule a doctors appointment to discuss what is going on. There will be test that will have to be done, but try not to be scared or embarrassed about them. This is something your doctor does all the time.
You will have to decide what and when to tell you husband. There has only been a few in the past on here who's spouse didn't understand, but they were still supportive. Mine for example, was very understanding, but we really don't discuss it further unless the need comes up. Now it has become part of our lives and we just deal with it.
The only activity you have to give up on, is the one you don't want to do anymore. It just takes a little more planning. At first, I was nervous to carry a bag into a public bathroom when outside of the house as I am a guy. Well I soon realized no one really cares and they just do their business and leave. Only at work do I have an issue, because the bathrooms offer little to no privacy along with I work with the military and they are very observant. Luckily, I have a private office I can take care of it. As for the public side, my bag has only been searched at a check point for a NBA game and once by security at a casino asking what was in the bag. The NBA game I understood as they search every bag, purse or other items being brought in. The casino was after what happen in Las Vegas. I just quietly told security I have incontinence and the bag had my items in it. He asked for me to open at least one of the sides and as soon as it saw the diapers he just said thank you for being understanding and letting him look inside without causing a scene.
I can keep going, but want to keep this short. Ultimately, talk to you doctor and decide what to tell you husband. Research the site or just ask and someone here can up with suggestions.

You can do almost anything you want. The advice to see your GP is correct, he/she will be able to help. It may take several visits as medicine requires some trials, some do not always work. If you need to wear a diaper when seeing your doctor do not let that bother you. To them seeing a person with a diaper is just "another day at the office". I am a retired registered nurse and I have seen men and women in the hospital wearing a diaper. I never thought anything about that.

I do not know your spouse, however mine is very supportive. Remember you were married "for better or worse". This is just a hurdle that must be over come. It is not the end of your life.

Advice is easy to give however it can be difficult to take. Just try to keep a positive attitude.

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RetiredRN

Thank you, your responses have made me feel a little better. If my spouse really cares about me and the relationship, he will try to make it work. Otherwise maybe it's better for both of us if we part ways. It's true that the vows were for better or worse.

My problem is not due to childbirth as I have no kids. The only thing I can come up with is the kidney stone I had last year loosened the sphincter and also I may be going through perimenopause so hormonal changes could be playing a role. Also I take medication which has the side effect of loss of bladder control I just realized last night. I'm going to try stopping the medication for a week under a doctor's supervision and see what happens.

I'm reluctant about going to a doctor about urge incontinence. The reason why is they often run a battery of unnecessary tests that involve a lot of poking and prodding and pain. It is expensive too and at the end the tests do not help with the problem. This is my impression of doctors.

PS Batman, thank you for the heads up about my email address, I edited my post.

ic girl i have been double ic all my life they tried all kinds of things to get me clean and dry all the cath ideas only ended up with nasty infections within days of them doing them would end up sick and on anti b's i got sick of being sick and talked with aide at school while she was change me and she told my mom and they pulled all the caths idea off the board also pulled all the enima crud off to i dont get sick from infections any more and doing great yes i am in diapers 24/7 and dont mind them at all and i still get to do some things just have to plan around changes but that is very very easy with all the things that we have to choose from first thing i would do if i was you is look at www.northshorecare.com very nice people to work with this is also the same company i have been with for many years and been super happy with them with some searching for what works best for you for what you are doing a little bit of packing you will get along fine takes time but you will be ok