www.incontinentsupport.org

Having recently retired from the FD, I was asked by the Chief from another department to help cover openings and vacations on an "as needed" basis at his station - a day or two a week at most, some teaching, advising, etc. We met to discuss it this afternoon. I struggled with whether I should tell him of my situation, as it doesn't affect my ability to do the job. I finally decided he should know, based on a couple scenarios: 1. Someone could find out, say something to him, and it would come out of nowhere, or 2. (more significantly) On a busy day running back-to-back calls or a long-lasting emergency scene, I may have to get away for a few minutes to change my diaper. While neither situation is likely to happen working one or two days a week, it was something I felt I should disclose. Ya know what??? He was completely good with it and understanding. He had no idea I had to wear diapers, and said it seemed that I was dealing with it well! He asked if things would get better, etc., then we moved on to what roles he wanted me to fill.

I wanted to share this to show that, while there are some people out there who would make an issue of it, there are also those who understand, don't bat an eye, and don't see you any differently. I know not everyone has been as lucky as I have, but maybe reading this will help someone who dreads having to tell a boss, co-worker, etc. about their situation. At least in my experience so far, I've been really fortunate that anyone I've told has been cool about it and supportive.

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"When you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

Glad to hear it went well. I am on the fence about asking for reasonable accommodations where I work at. I have two options the first one is to show proof of my disability or request my doctor write a short note without discussion my condition. Either way my work will know something is up.

I was glad to read that your boss was so understanding. Times are indeed changing, and, this time, for the better. Hooray!

You give me hope. My wife and I will be traveling on a couple of occasions this spring. Some know of my incontinence issues, others do not. I'm trying to get the nerve to explain why I carry a "man bag/diaper bag" to those that don't know of my situation. I know some will ask what is this purse for? I'm thinking, reveal the reasons, and move on. My friends are all in the senior citizen category. I would hope they would understand. However, it's still difficult to reveal this.

The goal, for me, is being sensitive to the others in the conversation, and, while explaining my situation, not volunteering any more than they want to know.

Patrick, I am as sensitive an discrete as I can be. There are friends and family that know of my issues, but how do I approach those that are not? If I'm carrying a man bag/diaper bag around and am asked why and what is in it, what do I say? I'm almost to the point of saying that you know iI have had prostate surgery, so take a guess at what is in the bag.

@DP66 I don't get too deep into the details, unless someone asks, but a simple, "I have a medical condition that has caused me to have difficulties with urination (or depending on who I'm talking to, incontinence) and I have to wear protection" seems to work. A couple have delved deeper into the details, ie: what's wrong? will it get better? what caused it? what kind of protection? have you tried Dr. XXX? etc. One female friend's motherly instinct must have kicked in, as she suggested different things I could try to improve things, different products I could try, etc! I have found that women seem to be more understanding and inquisitive - maybe because they are used to using absorbent products so they "get it" better than guys. I was still on the job in November when I took 2 weeks off for the TUIP surgery, so they were pretty relieved that it was "just" bladder/urinary issues instead of the cardiac or cancer issues they automatically jumped to - LOL.

As for your trip, my suggestion would be if someone asks what your bag is for, explain the basics and move on to the next topic like it's no big deal, unless they have questions. If they are all seniors, they will all most likely be dealing with their own medical conditions. What I've found is that those in my "inner circle" are all at an age where they are starting to have various issues, and it either makes them feel better that at least they don't have to deal with it, or they say something like, "well it could be worse..."

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"When you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

I may not have the best advice here, because I walk like a drunk, which almost always distracts folks' attention from my gym/diaper bag/briefcase. However, on those occasions when I have been forced to explain my situation, such as a family vacation to Orlando, I try to respond in broad, general terms, with as few details as necessary to satisfy their curiosity.

Over the Christmas holiday, I went with my wife to see her family in Orlando. We stayed in a time share about 15 minutes from Disney World. There were about 25 family members all together. We are all pretty close however only a few of them know of my incontinence issues. My father in law knows. He’s a radiologist. He sees it every day. Also my sister in law knows. She too works in healthcare. So they get it. Other than that, out of all those people, being as close as we were, nobody found out my need to wear protective garments. I didn’t tell anybody. I also frequently go camping with my boys scout troop. I don’t tell them either. I do carry a backpack with supplies. It stays in my car till I need it. Nobody has ever asked about it except my physicians. Not even relatives. Most people could care less and don’t pay attention to such things. So your friends may not even ask. If they do, don’t be too forthcoming. Just tell them you have some minor health issues, nothing to be alarmed at, and you have some essentials should the need arise. They may drop the conversation. When I meet people for events, whether it be family or friends, I don’t run off and disclose my health issues. That’s not necessary. I get to where I’m going and develop a game plan. Basically, I ask myself how I can be as discreet as possible to protect my privacy. People don’t need to know. It just takes a little planning. In the end, if someone does find out, the majority of people out there will probably be understanding. I’m just a very private person.

Thanks for the advice. I will heed your suggestions, and not divulge any extra details about my condition unless asked. Most of our traveling companions know of my prostate cancer surgery/robotic prostatectomy, and have a pretty good idea of why I carry a "man bag". Those that don't know me, as you all mentioned, probably won't ask.