www.incontinentsupport.org

I now know the reason why I haven't heard from my boyfriend since July.

I found out this afternoon from a friend, that my boyfriend passed away on the 12th September.
and this news has devastated me.
I spoke to a neighbour today, who knew him well, and she told me that his funeral was held on
the 16th October.
Apparently the cause of death was due to liver and kidney failure.
I have been blaming myself, because I never saw the signs leading up to this.
If only I had moved in with him, perhaps this would not have happened.
I told a friend, and she said that it wasn't my fault. She said he must have
been drinking for some time, over a period of years for this to have happened.
I keep wondering if there was anything I could have done to help, if only I had
known about the problem. He never drank in front of me.

I don't know how to get over this and I don't know how to move on either.
The pain I am feeling is immense!

Please, do not feel any guilt over this. Not that this was out of your hands; the truth is, it was never in your hands. The addict must make the decision to change; no one can do that for him/her. I hope you will be able to heal from this, and go on to the bigger and better things you deserve.

I am so sorry to hear you news of your boyfriend. I Will pray for healing for your broken heart. You are very cared. For
H
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Thank you Patrick and Tom, for your kind words. I think the situation is ten times as worse now,
because the other day I did a very rash thing!
My emotions are all over the place at the moment, and I was not thinking clearly! I went to
his mother's house two days ago, to give her my condolences. (She used to be a friend of mine,
a long time ago, but she has such a cruel and manipulative nature, that I severed our relationship
years ago)
Anyway, she came to the door and I said how sad and sorry I was to hear the news, and she
told me to save the crocodile tears and go dance on her son's grave!
She obviously found out that her son and I had a relationship, and didn't like this!
But she was the one who initiated this in the first place!

She used to tell me, that Michael liked me in a romantic way and even said that
we should get together.
Over the years she and I were friends, I did not initiate any relationship with her
son. It wasn't until her and my friendship had terminated, and it was at a good
five or so years after our friendship dissolved, that her son and I got together.
he was forty five years old, and had a mind of his own. So therefore he
was able to decide who he fell in love with.
I never took him away from her, or denied him a relationship with her,
but I don't think he saw her that much, and she obviously didn't
bother to get in touch with him much, whilst he was alive.
I think she found out about us through a neighbour, or quite possibly
she discovered a phone message I had sent him, in the August.

I last saw him at the end of July, and after that there was no more contact, so
I did try ringing and got no reply. In the phone message I left, I just said that I
was missing him and to please get in touch and I said I loved him.
I didn't even know that he had died in the September, as no one bothered to let me
know.
Is she angry and upset about me having a relationship with her son, and I know she
is grieving, but it takes two to make a relationship, and I do know that he loved me
deeply.
I think she blames me for his death, and perhaps she hates me for having a relationship
with him, when she obviously didn't have a very good relationship with her son.
Perhaps he didn't visit her as often as he should have, but that was not down to me.
She is a very manipulative person, so I don't know what she may do to me!
Hopefully, she will leave me alone.

Was it wrong of me, to have had that relationship with him?
I certainly don't regret the short time we had together, and
I will cherish the memories I have of him, she can't take that
away from me, but I can't help feeling that perhaps I shouldn't
have reciprocated the relationship!

There is absolutely nothing you did wrong. I am so sorry you have an additional burdrn. I will keep praying for you.

I am very sorry about your loss and about the hostility of your boyfriend’s family. This is the kind of tribulation that life throws at us sometimes. Be gentle with yourself and heal.

Thank you Tom and Inconinmiss for your kind words, as they mean a lot to me!
I am trying to heal although it is hard, as I feel even that privilege has been
taken away from me.

I wish with all my heart that he was still here, but he is gone and I must except that!
My friends have been very supportive, and tell me to remember the times he and
I had together and to cherish his memory.
I bless the day he walked into my life, and at least I had a few good years with him,
as they have been the best times of my life!

I do not regret a single moment, but I wish he was still here to share the oncoming
years with me!
I know I must find the courage to move on, without him but it is so hard to do!

I am still finding life very hard, and everywhere I go, there is constant reminders of my boyfriend!
His memory is locked away in my heart, and he will always remain a big part of my life, and I
will never forget him.
Today was a particularly hard day, as I was out walking round my neighbourhood and I
wandered down paths and streets where we used to walk as a couple.
Certain things trigger off memories and times that we shared together.

each day is still hard to get through, but I am trying to stay strong. I know it is what he would
have wanted me to do!
I am dreading the approach of Christmas, because we had made plans to spend it together!
Now this is no longer possible, so I think I will forego the festivities and just remain home
and not even celebrate, as I feel there is nothing to be cheerful about.

I know that he would have wanted me to get on with my life, but since his passing a huge
chunk of my heart and soul went with him!
I particularly miss meeting up with him, and seeing his cheerful demeanour. he had a way of
making me feel better, whenever I felt down or depressed about certain things.

We shared so many things together, and I thought we would be together for a very long time!
it just proves how short life is, and to make the most of every opportunity!
we certainly did that! We made so many memories together, and these are what I turn to on bad days.
he was my heart and soul; the light in my life. Now this has been extinguished, and I must now face
a future without him, which is tearing me apart!

Although I was only with him for a relatively short time, (nearly three years) we packed a lot in in that space.
he has given me memories I will carry forward with me, and I only wish I had a photograph of him as I am
afraid of forgetting what he looks like, as the years roll on!

Where-ever he has gone, I hope that he is not alone! I am not big on religion or faith, but I like to
think, that at the end of our lives, we do meet up with our loved ones, who passed before us!
Perhaps I will see him again, when my time comes? I just hope that I pass with the same dignity
and courage that he possessed upon his death!
It must have taken him much courage and strength not to tell me that he was dying!

of course, I will live with that guilt! I knew something was wrong, and repeatedly asked him, but
he chose to shut me out, and he did this unselfishly, to protect me from the pain, he knew it
would cause me!
I will love him for eternity.

A bit of advice. Passed on to me when my first wife died of cancer at 51. I asked a friend who had lost her husband 10 years before if it ever got better. She thought a bit and said No it only gets different. Papa

aurora borealis

My heart goes out to you words can only go so far however you have people here who care for you and as you have seen are ready to help! You will have dark days but please remember problems shared are problems harved! Christmas will be tough the best way is not to be alone invite friends and family over for support or see if a neighbour can invite you in. When you are feeling better perhaps go out and purchase a tree and see if a local park can plant it as an earthly tribute to all the good times you had. As studies have showed talking to plants can help them grow.

You are a loved person you are in my thoughts.

Take care

Greenbank