www.incontinentsupport.org

Hello everyone,

I have missed all you guys and gals so much but I have been needing this time away. Sence I last posted, things are going very well up till about two months ago. I was at work and injured my right shoulder moving a patient. I felt the pop and the sudden pain and knew something was wrong. I got seen a a local urgent care and because it was a work related injury, they wanted to try physical therapy first. I did that and was referred to a orthopedic doctor. MRI showed the tear and now I have to have the surgery.
I'm a little freaked out because for all the years I have been dealing with my incontinence, only one other time have I ever had another person change me or clean me up and I was sedated and don't remember it happening. There is no getting around it this time, I will need help. My wife has told me she will help and do what ever I need and I am super grateful but she can't be there all the time. She will need to go back to work a few days after the surgery and I'll be home alone till she gets back. I don't really care for pull ups but this is the only way I will be able to even try to manage this alone and even then it will be a struggle. I have thought about taping two or three tabs on a tape on diaper and step into it but that will be hard too.
Only other thing I have thought of would have a home health nurse come by once a day during the week to help me out. Now, the idea of my wife helping me has me very anxious but he image of a stranger doing it freaks me out. Only good thing is I have almost a month to work things out before I go under the knife.
I'm sure I'll do fine but I was told I had three months before I could even start physical therapy. Sorry for the rant but I just need to blow off some steam to some friends and people that have a clue and can wrap their head around why this is such a big deal.

Glad to see you back here Rope. Sorry to hear about the shoulder, mine too popped about 3 weeks ago reaching behind me to scratch my backside and pop. I could move it and somewhat do things so I didn't think too much about it, but the next morning I couldn't even pick up a gallon of water or lift a pan of biscuits out of the oven. let alone struggling to dress myself without asking my wife to help. Called the tele-a-nurse and off to the ER I went. Well, the bathrooms on the ER floor was out of service and by the time I found the next bathroom, I had to ask my wife to go get the change bag. Before I could get changed I was called back. I went to change after the Doc was done with me, but I was in tears in pain trying to change myself. All I could think of was I don't want my wife to have to come into the bathroom to help. First time I used a wall in a public bathroom to change. Needless to say I was sent home with muscle relaxers and call back if it doesn't get better. Well it still hurts and the VA of course wants to do physical therapy first also.

On your other posts you have been able to figure things out and work through them. At least you have some time to think about it and how you will get around it. Just like a lot of others say on here the medical staff has seen it all and seeing an adult wearing a diaper is probably something they have seen before and not the last. If it makes you feel any better, I asked one of my enlisted docs when I was in the Navy how they do it and still talk to us normally outside of the clinic. He said something like this, not to be cold but for the most part we see you as your last four of your SSN when you are in the clinic. Sure we will call you by your name, but you are a number to us and that is how I separate my feelings from the patient. It might not be that way with all medical people, but that was his take on it.

Good luck on the surgery.

Rope,

Sorry to learn of your troubles. Having been there myself, I can sympathize.

I have no ideal solution but what I did was to pre-tape three of the four tapes on a batch of Dry 24/7 diapers and stock them before the surgery. Even then it was difficult and at first I needed my wife's help. I supplemented the pre-taped diapers with premium pull-ons.

A worse problem is if you are forced to change a messy diaper one-handed. For me, that was almost impossible without help. The cleanup was not only almost impossible - much more difficult than changing the diaper - but horribly yucky . Try rolling up a messy diaper with one hand and trying to stuff it into a disposal bag:(

Please get used to the idea of accepting any help you may be offered, whether from your wife or a visiting nurse. You will need it and it will make the experience so much easier. Talk it out with your wife before the surgery. That will make it less stressful for both of you. Straining too much to do everything yourself without help during the first few days can slow down your recovery. Think through your schedule and try to arrange those things which require the most assistance for when help is available.

Good luck, Rope!

--John

I totally understand, last week I injured my hand and it's going to be in a brace for a few weeks and it's so awkward cause my mother has to change me. She hasn't done that in so long and I'm feeling so embarrassed cause I'll be turning 19 this year, another year without control -.-
It's really inconvenient I can tell because changing me 4+ times a day though she doesn't say anything it's not easy...... But as most of you'll said when you need help accept it, there's nothing else is there? I'm just glad it's my mother and not a total stranger/caretaker.

The biggest concern you "should" have is resting your shoulder and letting it heal. I know full well how embarassing it feels at first with having a stranger/nurse change you. Just try to keep in mind they do this all the time. After the first few times it gets much easier on you.

Rope

Im real sorry to hear that you injured your shoulder and needs surgery to fix it.
I hope that it goes well and you get back on your feet again soon.

I know that it can be embarrassing having another person change you, let alone a stranger doing it.
When I had to go through it after one of the surgeries I had it was hard at first but it did get a lot easier after a while.
The most important thing about going through the surgery is to get your shoulder fixed, and to get full mobility in it.
The dr's and nurses have all seen it before and will help you with no problem.
Dont be afraid to ask for help on anything you do.

Schoppy

Hi everyone,

Well, I survived the surgery and its been just under a week. I have some good news. I am one of those rare cases where workers comp has been very good to me. They have not bucked me on anything the doctors have asked me for and have been very good to work with.
As far as the injury, turns out the tare was not as bad as he was first thinking it was going to be but he did find a substantial bone spur not allowing the tear to heal so while he was there, he smoothed it all down. The down time should be much less then the six months they first told me but I do have at least three months of recovery time.
As far as the incontinence, my wife has been awesome. She has been helping with all my changes and getting better with eash one but she could only stay with me to help for a week and will have to go back to work. I got the call today that workers comp has approved and scheduled a home health assistant to come and help me till I can take care of myself. The main nurse will be here tomorrow to see exactly what I need and Wednesday they will send some one out. I toyed with the idea of seeing if I could do without but my wife said she would beel better knowing I would have the extra help so I am going to give it a try.
So, moral of the story, it was tough at first to have to ask and let someone else change you by once you swallow your pride a little, it's not too bad but letting someone you love help is much easier then letting a stranger o this. I'll try to post again after the home health care person comes out. Thanks for the continued support ad suggestions.

Rope

Rope, Welcome back! Three years ago I had an accident on the dock. I fell between the dock and my boat. I wound up underwater and almost out but the water (cold) revived me. I swam up and grabbed the dock. My son, daughter in law and grandkids were on the boat. I was taking them fishing. No one knew I had fallen in. I tried to pull my self out but realized something was really bad. I could barely use my arm. I managed to finally get out, using the bad arm. It was broken as well as the collar bone and I had a torn rotator cuff. They realized my problem, moaning I guess. I had contusions also and since I am on blood thinners a lot of blood. I still insisted on going out. four days later I went to doctor. X-rays confirmed the broken arm and collar bone. MRI confirmed the rotator cuff. (I am a bit of a stubbon person, obviously. I refused surgery on cuff and two months later the surgeon was amazed that the cuff seemed to have healed, mostly. The first month though I had a lot of pain from all the above. I had no choice but to let the wife change my diapers. Even though she has seen me obviously in them and seen me changing myself it was embarrassing to have her diaper me. She even insisted i continue using cloth diapers at night. Even more embarrassing. It all worked out though. But I do not know how I could have handled a stranger diapering me. We survive, esp with a good friend there to help. Good luck. Papa

Rope, Welcome back! Three years ago I had an accident on the dock. I fell between the dock and my boat. I wound up underwater and almost out but the water (cold) revived me. I swam up and grabbed the dock. My son, daughter in law and grandkids were on the boat. I was taking them fishing. No one knew I had fallen in. I tried to pull my self out but realized something was really bad. I could barely use my arm. I managed to finally get out, using the bad arm. It was broken as well as the collar bone and I had a torn rotator cuff. They realized my problem, moaning I guess. I had contusions also and since I am on blood thinners a lot of blood. I still insisted on going out. four days later I went to doctor. X-rays confirmed the broken arm and collar bone. MRI confirmed the rotator cuff. (I am a bit of a stubbon person, obviously. I refused surgery on cuff and two months later the surgeon was amazed that the cuff seemed to have healed, mostly. The first month though I had a lot of pain from all the above. I had no choice but to let the wife change my diapers. Even though she has seen me obviously in them and seen me changing myself it was embarrassing to have her diaper me. She even insisted i continue using cloth diapers at night. Even more embarrassing. It all worked out though. But I do not know how I could have handled a stranger diapering me. We survive, esp with a good friend there to help. Good luck. Papa

Hi Rope!

It is good to hear that you are recovering from your surgery. I had rotator cuff surgery and know that changing diapers post-surgery can range from very difficult to nearly impossible. Your wife sounds awesome. Let her know how much you appreciate her. I'm glad you will have the services of a home health assistant and nurse.

--John