www.incontinentsupport.org

Hi all,

found this site looking for answers. I'm having a lot of bedwetting issues and some pretty minor day time leaks. I'm 35, male if that matters.

I've been hiding bedwetting from my wife for quite a while. Usually it would be small amounts where I'd awake mid stream and be able to stop it. Often only my shorts would be wet and maybe a very small spot on the bed that would be dry by morning. I've wet the bed maybe 1-2 times a year my entire life and honestly always thought this was normal. However, in the last year the frequency has increased to 1-2 times a month. More recently, weekly. Usually I've been able to get up, wash up, change shorts and go back to bed and my wife never knew.

A little while back I had a major accident. Soaked the bed. She didn't wake up so I got up, cleaned up, changed and then slept on a bunch of towels. I had to tell her about it in the morning because we always get out of bed at the same time and she instantly makes the bed so she'd have seen the towels and wet spot. She was a good sport about it. Thought it was a bit odd and made a few lighthearted jokes. She wasn't being mean, she knew how embarrassed I was and I think was trying to bring a little levity to the situation.

I thought it was a fluke and would probably return to my older pattern on very light wetting. However, less than 2 weeks later it happened again. And then again the next night. My wife and became more concerned and she wants me to see the doctor. I've been stalling on that, but I know now that I have to. I put calling the doctor off for a few weeks, and in the meantime had several more accidents. I told my wife I knew I needed to buy some mattress protection and suggested that as humiliated as I am maybe I need to wear some kind of protection to bed. I've started doing that this week and I'm so embarrassed by it. My wife is being cool and supportive though.

I decided with all of this going on I decided to tell my wife that I've also been "hiding" the fact that I've been having very occaisional and small day time leaks that happen only when I get a strong and very sudden, but intense urge to "go". It isn't like this all the time. Many times my urge is normal and builds gradually but sometimes it comes out of nowhere and I go from not having to pee to feeling like I have to go really really badly. On a handful of occasions I leaked an ounce or two on my way to the toilet. luckily both times were at home. The amounts might not have even been enough to show through my pants. But I "pinched it off" and finished in the toilet so I'm not really sure how much I could have leaked.

At home and work I'm almost always within a 20 second walk to a restroom so even when I've had severe and sudden urges at work or home it hasn't been a problem. The few times it was a problem were do to a delay in getting there. Once trying to finish mowing the lawn because I was almost done and didn't want to stop and once coming home from work on the train I got hit with a strong urge. By the time I got to my car I almost wanted to go behind it in the parking garage but there are cameras and rush hour.....I got home but leaked a bit as I was using my keys to get in the house and a bit on the way up to the bathroom. It wasn't like full force stream either time, it was more like I was holding 80% of the pressure back but my sphincter muscles weren't strong enough to hold 20% of that pressure, if that makes any sense. All in all this has happened to me a handful of times, less than 10 in the last 8 months. Always small amounts and always because something (myself or otherwise) preventing me from getting to the bathroom in time.

I finally had a urology appointment today. Talk about humiliating. I had a cystoscopy, PVR test and urodynamics, and digital rectal check. Good news is I don't have bladder cancer, and my prostate is normal size with no signs of disease. But he said I have overactive bladder with urge incontinence and gave me some literature on behavioral modification, kegels, keeping a journal etc. He told me there's good info on the net that covers this all in more detail or he could refer me to a continence nurse if I wanted (no thanks, I'd rather read/youtube this thank you than deal with anymore humiliation). He says the urodynamics test didn't really confirm bladder spasms or leakage but this makes sense to me since this isn't something that happens every single time I have to go.

He gave me some samples of mens guards and told me that I can choose to use them or not but that they can be helpful if I'm knowingly going somewhere where it could be hard to find a restroom. He says he would like to try the behavior mods and exercises first and then see if a drug might help. He suggested to continue "padding up" at night if it's agreeable to me and working for me. I guess I can deal with it for now.

I generally don't tolerate side effects well and reading up on OAB meds it looks like they can be pretty lousy. I'll totally give them an honest shot but I'm not incredibly optimistic about it.

Anyway that's my story. 35 year old man with continence issues. Trying not to feel sorry for myself or let it get me down but that's easier said than done.

MikeJames,

Welcome. You are among a group of folks who live in your shoes daily. I was glad to read that your wife is supportive; not all spouses are. However, keeping this support alive means that you will need to deal successfully with your bedtime issues. Experiment with different brands of protection while you and your doctor sort this out. Perhaps you will find a medication that works for you, and has tolerable side effects. If a suitable medical treatment eludes you, and if other measures are unsuccessful as well, learning what protection works will be useful. Keep us informed.

You should not feel humiliated when you are in a doctors office. They are only doing what is needed to find out how to treat your condition. I also have urgency incontinence and have had the same test that you indicated. These test are done hundreds of times, and to the staff it is “just another day at the office”.

As for a consult with a continence nurse, you should consider it. He/she will be a good resource for solutions to your incontinence. Again it is “just another day at the office” for the nurse.

Do not worry about any one talking about your incontinence, your medical information will be kept in strict confidence. No one needs to know unless you tell them.

Now for what to do at night. You should give serious thought on using an adult diaper. There are many brands available some are very good while others are not. If you read some of the old posts you can find a lot of information on the different kinds. I also suggest you read the diaper primer from this site.

As you can see from my user name I am a retired RN. When I was working I took care of a lot of adults (young and old) that had to wear a diaper. Again “just another day at the office”. Now that I have urgency incontinence I wear an adult diaper. I think of it as my underwear.

You will find a lot of advice on this board. Please note what works for others may not work for you. The learning curve to incontinence has a lot of trials and errors. You need to keep at it until you find what works for you.

_________________
RetiredRN

Welcome aboard. We've all been there. I'm a strong opponent of medications because, frankly, none of them worked for me and all I got was side effects. I just put on a diaper and get on with life. I think most people here would agree here that diapers have been one of the least invasive treatment/management options. It doesn't sound like you need a full tape on style diaper for your level of incontinence, though it is definitely the most secure at night. Pullups or a pullup/pad combo could work well for your daytime needs. Abena abriflex is a great pullup. Pullups work really well for the lightest leakage. For a comparable tape on diaper, the Tena Ultra is great, it's thin, discreet, and absorbent. Good luck with the meds, if they work, good for you. If not diaper up like we do and go about your day.

Thanks RN.

I know rationally everything you say is true re: just another day at the office and all but it's still embarrassing. I know I'll adapt. I'm resilient.

I did buy diapers for bed. Depends with tapes but they're useless. I bought them locally and knew depend products don't have the best rep for quality. I needed something just to get me by. I found online that Abena is very popular so I ordered some samples and a bag of each medium and large. Once I get the size right I'll return the unopened full bag of the wrong size.

I decided to test the guards the doctor gave me samples of. Again depends and again useless. I found oddly that it was almost impossible for me to intentionally wet them (in my underwear standing in the shower lol....can only imagine if my wife walked in!). So I tested them by pouring small amounts of water down the front. Leaked almost immediately...like 2 ounces so I tossed them. I just ordered a small pack of the tena guards online. I'm really not at the point in the daytime where I feel like I even need protection on a day to day basis...but I think they could give me peace of mind if I go somewhere where bathrooms aren't quickly available. That's assuming the tena ones work better than the depend junk. Honestly I'd rather avoid depend products altogether bc the brand is synonymous to me with nursing homes and cancer deaths...I've seen a few grandparents and aunts/uncles end up old or sick in depends. The brand just has such a strong "sick" connotation to me and I don't think k of myself as being sick with this.

Anyway thx again for your support. We'll just have to see what lies ahead I suppose.

Hi Mike,

I'd like to add my welcome to the group. I'm glad that there was nothing major found in your exams. Compared to cancer and other possible issues, OAB is much easier to deal with, it just doesn't always feel like it.

Your symptoms and situation sound very similar to mine, except reversed in terms of time of day. I have more problems during the day than I do at night. I also have gone through several of the anticholinergics available and can attest to the difficulty of living with their side-effects. Only you will be able to judge if the benefits outweigh the drawbacks of them, and trying each of them takes time.

Speaking to your daytime issues, I've found living the adage "Never pass up the opportunity to use a restroom" helps, as it means your bladder is almost always empty and the likelihood of leaks is minimized, as well as the urges and any uncomfortable spasms you may have. When I leave home, I typically use pullups as "just in case" protection against leaks, and very seldom use anything at home. I'm trying to maintain as much control and what bladder capacity I can, which I find waning as the months go on.

As to your nighttime issues, there are others who can, and have, addressed those issues here before. As a former bedwetter I sympathize deeply with those that suffer waking up to a wet bed. Trial and error seems to be the usual method of figuring out what works for you, but there are several discussions about what works well for others to be found here.


Mike

Welcome MikeJames!

As you can tell, you have come to the right place. You can say anything here and ask anything here and no one will be shocked. It also is a good place to just vent when life is unfair. We are a very supportive group. Do take the time to read through the old messages - there is a wealth of accumulated wisdom there that may help you.

--John

Hello mike,

Except for the leaking at night part, your situation describes how mine started. Occasionally id wet myself a little bit trying to get to the bathroom. Or id have dribles after going to the bathroom. Eventually that little bit became a full stream. I started out with guards, but felt that they were not comfortable and reliable, because they ddint stick in my underwear. You might have better luck than I did. I hate to say this.. but for men, unless your incon is really light.. the best protection is a full on tape on brief. THis is because our anatomy is such that the exit point can shift and if your pointed where there is no paddding, then you have a leak. Ive tried all the products out htere and setled on tape on briefs 24/7 for moderate to heavy mixed incontinence. As you already found, Abena is a good brand of products, and XP Medical is a great company to buy from. Friendly service, and rocket fast shipping.
I don't know if yours will get worse, but i would try different products and see what works best for you. Maybe a quality pullup durng the day and a brief at night. Any questions just ask!

Peace out!

Rob

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"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II

MikeJames Welcome to our group

Never feel embaressed or ashamed asking any question here we are all dealing with IC issues and are here to help each other deal with IC issues.

you mentioned you can see an continence nurse to help you with your options, the more support you get the faster you will find what works best for you and you can start to adapt to your medical issue.

Rob

hi mikejames,
i dont have much to offer that hasnt already been said im around your age (38) and my incontinence issues started last year after a surgery. like others have said, i recommend a full tape on diaper. i tried using pullups and it just wasnt enough.

anyway, welcome and i hope you get some answers