www.incontinentsupport.org

Hi guys and folks. It's been a while since I've been on here.
Recently I have been wracking my nerves about finding a roommate to help share the housing costs with
It isn't so much the finding roommate part that stresses me and freaks me out. Nor is it the incontinence, leaking and wearing diapers or PTSd by itself that causes me this anxiety(yes they are crappy conditions but I am trying to move on...). But it seems to be a combination of the two that concerns me- finding a roommate while having my continence and ptsd and health issues and being worried what they may think. I suppose I am afraid that telling them will make them repulsed and disgusted and reject me as a roommate. Yet at same time, if I don't tell them, they will likely find out even if I keep my diapers in my room, gym and work bag only and such due to close proximity we will be living in. And in that case they may be even more repulsed and feel "betrayed" or misled somehow. So I know that j am likely to have some panic attack, terror Or leaking accident or so on and that will likely draw attention. that is the dilemma going on inside my head.

How have you guys found a roommate, dealt with or told your roommate about your incontinence, diapers and condition? How did they react when you told them? How did it make you feel afterwards? Any tips to make the experience less painful? Have you kept it hidden from roomies? Ann's if so, how?

kdlstar, you haven't stated what type of housing you currently have or clarified whether you plan to have someone move in with you, move into someone's place, or find a new place together. You had previously shared with the forum here that you are able to work, but that you have PTSD due to an auto collision, which has caused and/or contributed to your incontinence.

I'm not a mental health professional, and I feel that you should discuss your plans with a counselor to explore the impact that a change of this type might have on you. For example you might need to change your public transportation route, if applicable, shop at a different grocery store, etc. You also would need to adjust somewhat to another person's habits and presence.

IMHO, you would need to tell potential roommates about your PTSD. A person has a right to know what he/she's getting into, and it's best for you if people know how to react if you go into crisis. Also, if you tend to have wetting accidents on furniture in the common areas of the dwelling, folks would need to be made aware of it, even if you use chair pads, etc. and are doing your best to minimize the occurrences.

Are the logistics such that you can live with your parents or another family member? If not, I strongly suggest that you contact social services in your community to locate whatever group living arrangements may be available.

W.

Kdlstar,
Im with Wetter on this, I think you need to seek advice on this, to get a room mate that is understanding to your issues. Hope everything works out great for you.

"kdlstar, you haven't stated what type of housing you currently have or clarified whether you plan to have someone move in with you, move into someone's place, or find a new place together. You had previously shared with the forum here that you are able to work, but that you have PTSD due to an auto collision, which has caused and/or contributed to your incontinence."

Hi Wetters, its been a while. But glad to see you are still around So I am currently living in my parents house and am still able to work (thank goodness). A while back things really got very intrusive but generally its better now. I have couple empty rooms in the house and want to find roommate to help split the costs so it is not as big a burden living here.

"MHO, you would need to tell potential roommates about your PTSD. A person has a right to know what he/she's getting into, and it's best for you if people know how to react if you go into crisis. Also, if you tend to have wetting accidents on furniture in the common areas of the dwelling, folks would need to be made aware of it, even if you use chair pads, etc. and are doing your best to minimize the occurrences.

Are the logistics such that you can live with your parents or another family member? If not, I strongly suggest that you contact social services in your community to locate whatever group living arrangements may be available."

I suspect as much that I would need to relay such information to them. I suppose the question is more of how and when... I am not too clear if there are laws forbidding discussion or mandating such... and on top of it, I don't want to be an unnecessary burden to them. And I hope they are not a huge burden on me either...
My dad is overseas and my mother passed away number of years ago from cancer. So i am living in the family home currently.
I am also not clear whether I as a landlord can screen for health issues....

The rental income would be very helpful as would having someone around. But I also understand roommates can be a pain which makes finding a good one very hard... especially when have some personal health issues.

mlhjr wrote:Kdlstar,
Im with Wetter on this, I think you need to seek advice on this, to get a room mate that is understanding to your issues. Hope everything works out great for you.

Yeah that is one of reason i am here asking for any tips or advice.... I mean the ptsd i ask on the forum and i do have some emergency contacts, sheet and such but idk... it is frustrating, scary, and very worrisome trying to find a roommate/housemate while having such health issues.

Kdlstar,
My reason for stating that was because people can be extremely unkind, I have been on the receiving end of unkind people. I wish the best for you on this, hope it works out great and yes it never hurts to have a little help on paying the bills.

the only roommates I have had was with friends.
my first roommate I had was when I first became incontinent last year. I couldn't hide it from him because we were living in such a small space.
I was dealing with being housebound because of my accident and he more or less just felt bad that I was dealing with incontinence on top of that.
I wasn't making it to the bathroom and always had wet clothes, so when I finally resorted to wearing diapers he just accepted it.
my next roommate was another close friend who had bladder issues of his own (he wasn't incontinent, but he had kidney stones and a small bladder) so he was cool with it.
I live on my own now. but my advice is to be upfront and honest from the beginning. it will prevent awkward situations.

If it's your house, then it's your rules and conditions. If a potential room mate doesn't like them, then that person can look somewhere else. I say try not to worry about what some potential person "might" think, and just just tell them before they sign anything. That person has a right to know what they are getting into, and you have a right to live comfortably in your own home.