Three old men are comparing ailments. ‘I’ve got problems,’ says one. ‘Every morning at seven o’clock I get up and try to urinate, but I can never manage it.’ The second old man says, ‘You think you have problems. Every morning at eight o’clock I get up and try to move my bowels, but it never works.’ The third old man speaks up, ‘Every morning at seven o’clock I urinate and every morning at eight o’clock I defecate.’ ‘You’ve got no problem then,’ says the first man. ‘Yes I do,’ says the third man. ‘I don’t wake up till nine.’
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A man returns from safari and tells his friend about a narrow escape he had. ‘I was by the water hole when a lion jumped out at me, so I ran for the tents,’ says the man. ‘It had just about caught up with me when it slipped and I managed to vault over log. The lion jumped over the log too, but then it slipped up and landed on its back. By that time I was almost at the tents and I could see the safari guide with his gun, so I called out and he took aim. But he couldn’t fire because the lion was only a few feet behind me. It bounded up at me, then it slipped again, and I had just enough time to duck in the camp before the guide shot it.’ ‘Bloody hell,’ says this friend. ‘If that had happened to me, I’d have crapped myself.’ ‘I did,’ replies the man. ‘Why do you think the lion kept slipping.’
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Two bats hanging in a cave and one says to the other
"The thing that worries me most about getting old is incontinence".
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