It ain't easy, Matt, that's for sure!
The majority of us, and incons in general, are urinary incon and that poses far fewer management issues than fecal incon. I can't offer any help with fecal incon but there are folks here suffering with that problem.
I would say start with talking to your doctor and try to sort out why your bowels are a problem. Diet, enamas, drug therapy all may play a role in managing that most difficult problem. Maybe you've talked to the Dr already but so many times we find that people will suffer in silence....and turn to boards like this one, rather than a face to face discussion with the Dr. But believe me when I tell you, the drs have heard it all and that is a necessary first step to your quest for help!
Good luck! JoeK
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