www.incontinentsupport.org

I can't help but wonder if the commercials help or hurt. They can give the impression that incontinence is completely curable and all you have to do is take that little white pill and it will go away.

My wife is fairly supportive but occasionally makes little remarks that I should go back to the doctor or get a new doctor, or keep trying new drugs. I essentially lost a friend who drove me away with his insisting that I spend the rest of my life going to doctors, trying eastern medicine, herb therapy, faith healing, you name it.

Leave me the hell alone. I'm coping very well and really don't need advice, except if I see fit to ask for it.

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Fred

My better half has asked me a couple years ago if I tried going to a different doctor or whether or not I got a second opinion. I told her that I had seen all kinds of medical professionals from urologists to neurologists and had all kinds of tests including a couple MRI's. I was poked and prodded for the better part of 2 years. She has always been very supportive and understanding and pretty much accepts it better than I do. I have not gone to get a second opinion simply because I trust the professionals in the clinic I have been going to for 32 years. I really don't wish to go through all of the tests that I went through between 1998 and 2000 only to find out that I suffered permanent nerve damage and damage to my lower spine which I already know. The diagnosis explains quite well why I have no control or feeling in my bladder as well as the numb and dead areas I have on my legs and rear end. I know there is no miracle cure no matter how much I still hope for one.

I have been tested and retested. My doctors pretty much leave me alone about my incontinence as does my family. I can't do anything about it. I have tried the meds and they didn't work. All it did was make me constipated. I didn't stop the urge incon. I also have fecal incon so drying my bladder up wouldn't really do much to get me out of diapers. My doctors and family know this. I recently told my wifes parents that I was incon on vacation. All they said was...thats terrible. They offered their support but asked no questions. They weren't nosey. I am very selective about who I tell of my incontinence. Only select people know and nobody makes fun of me. I like it that way.

I too was poked and prodded for a couple of years. I tried a couple of different meds but found that the side effects were generally worse than the wetting they were trying to stop.

I just live with the diapers and try get as much out of life as best I can. Thankfully I found a wife whose lifestyle and preferences enable me to enjoy some aspects of being diapered.

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~~PuddleGuy

JRB, I think Sandy's advice is excellent - a smart, short reply to shove it right back at them is a good way to go but if that doesn't work then I would simply cut off the relationship with these people (yes, even your relatives).

If you don't want to be face to face, then I would just avoid contact at every situation, and if you want to be face to face (that is, the next time they joke about you), which is my preferred method - so everything is out in the open, then I would not tell them to piss off, I would bluntly tell them "This is the last of the teasing I am taking from you, I am cutting off our friendship." and then go your way and have no further contact.

I am sorry, but my bull**** meter is very finely tuned and I just don't, at the age of 43, put up with this behavior from people anymore. We are adults, not junior high schoolers!

I am one of the fortunate few who had successful incontinence surgery but have had to employ this method over a few other physical 'defects' in my life that people are callous about towards me over. They wonder later "Gee, we haven't seen or talked to you in ages." I don't say anything unless they pry. Then I tell them the truth and boy do they get a rude awakening. Sometimes it knocks sense into them at that point, sometimes it doesn't, and I really don't care one way or the other.

I don't deal with people who are toxic to me - I cut them out completely. I encourage you to take your stand and stick by it. I wouldn't worry at all about hurting their feelings or what they think - they obviously don't care about yours.

My two cents, for whatever it's worth.

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"Cats' whiskers are so sensitive, they can find their way through the narrowest cracks of a broken heart"