www.incontinentsupport.org

Hi everyone! I recently posted about being new to the forum and deciding to ask for help from counseling to help me deal with it better. I had that appointment yesterday and the actual appointment went really well. We discussed using the next session to use some coping skills to deal with it and practicing reducing anxiety at the actual urologist's appointment, in addition to utilizing community resources as I am low income. I didn't discuss the anxiety about being in public yet and such and some other personal things, but I did manage to put it out there. I felt super hopeful, very motivated that I have a bit more control of my situation.

So the appointment ended and I went to go pay and reschedule. I bent over and tried to find my check (I had two at the time, as I had to go pay a bill elsewhere after) and couldn't find it save my life. I stood up and I have NO idea what happened, but I just peed... a lot. I was wearing a brief, but it was already wet from during the appointment (I don't do well with prolonged periods of sitting bladder wise) but I figured I'd just go elsewhere and change. I felt no urge whatsoever until it happened (this is how my UUI has seemed to progress) so piss just streamed out the back of my brief down my pants. I stood there for a hot a second and just said "SHIT!!!! Uh, I have to go home now" and bolted for the door, which I could not open (some stupid lever is attached to the handle, and you have to push the lever before you can open the door, in a moment of panic, I just wasn't thinking). I don't think she would have noticed if I wouldn't have been unable to open the door, but then she came to the window and told me to pull the lever, then push with my back turned, so yeah it was probably noticed.

I ran to my car and sat there for a hot second not knowing what to do next. I was unsure of the damage, but I suspected it was bad. I could feel my face breaking out in hives from the embarrassment (happens to me a lot, blah). I drove 20 minutes or so to a recreational area (a state park) in what felt like a mortified stupor, that has large port-a-johns and changed into a different brief, different clothes, and assessed the damage. It was bad. I went back to work after (I take care of horses) and fed them, went home, and cried. I also felt the biggest asshole for not having the right check. I found it when I got home, and this just added to my frustration.

Today I went back and dropped off the check, god that was hard. I didn't have a chance to reschedule, and after that episode I don't even know if I can, or if I want to. I have never been so ashamed in my life, especially because it was just me and one other person at the desk, the leak was so obvious and I just bolted. I just had to get this off of my chest (I did talk to a friend who knows about all of my health issues) but I have never been so frustrated before. It's taken a hot second to find a decent mental health worker who is understanding in chronic health conditions as well, and now I don't know if I could return for another appointment. I'm hoping in a few weeks I can laugh about it, but it's been a rough day or so getting over that.

Thanks for reading, any support would be welcome. Going to bury my face in sand!

My heart goes out to you. We have all been there. What brand were you wearing? Have you considered using plastic pants over your diaper? Have you considered using cloth? You can add more absorbency easily with cloth than you can with disposables. With disposables, you pretty much are stuck wit the absorbency of the diaper and putting in pads to boost it.. and the diaper doesn't all get used. But with cloth you can layer and the diaper will wick wetness to every part it can absorb. Right now im wearing 3 Ecoable fitted diapers and a cover. They will absorb a large amount of urine before leaking, probably as much as an abena brief would but they are reausable.

One thing that might help is attitude. I recently became very open about my incontinece because im trying to form a non profit to help people with their issues. I basically said.. hey this is me, I deal with this.. and im not ashamed of it. I found it very liberating. When I did, I suddenly relaxed. I no longer snuck around with changing diapers or tried to hide my diapers from my relatives when it was time to wash (I use cloth and disposable).

Maybe instead of rushing out the door... you could have just paid her, and casually walk out the door. Had you not bolted, you would have drawn less attention to yourself. One fellow incontinent said that if other people see you treating your incontinence as if its a fact of life and not a big deal, then they will do the same. But If you approach it with shame and hiding, then they will be concerned for you, and worried about you. Most of the time, adults will probably take the attitude of "Oh, I'm sorry you deal with that" ESPECIALLY in the healthcare/mental health field.

You are not alone. One time I was at Walmart, and was wearing a pocket diaper. The padding had shifted so I was not covered if I leaked. I was standing in the electronics section window shopping for records (I don't actually have a record player, just like to look to see if they albums for my favorite band, Metallica) I felt an episode coming on, and I thought, ah no big deal my diaper will take care of it. But then i feel urine running down my leg, and to my horror i see a puddle on the ground. I was MORTIFIED. However, instead of running from the store, i just waited until a maintenance person came along (I used to work 3rd shift maintenance at Walmart, so I know their procedures of guarding a spill, etc) I just said to him "Hey, theres a puddle here. Don't ask me what it is, but you might want to mop it up." He said "Ok" and went to get the mop. I then calmly walked out of the store. Having the right attitude makes the situation easier.
There was one time where I crapped myself at Lowe's and had to go home sitting in a messy diaper. That was really hard, because my brother sister in law and nephew were all in the car and could smell it and were commenting on it.

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"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II

I think just about everybody here has endured similar embarrassing situations. A urologist loudly disapproved of my wearing diapers, especially washable cloth diapers; he ordered an enterostomal therapist to teach me how to apply an external catheter. She did, and, three hours later, it came unglued and I leaked all over a WalMart checkout. If humility is a virtue, humiliation, not so much.

This was pretty much verbatim my experience with Men's liberty. I tried a traditional condom catheter and it was very uncomforble and did not keep me dry. Then I tried mens liberty. It did fairly well, until not once but twice it came off unexpectedly and i had a leak. I even had wet pants when i wore a diaper over the apparatus!! So, nope. I have tried every alternative to diapers known to man with the possible exception of the mcguire urinal. Afex might have worked had I not been stuck with the medicare covered athletic supporter.. the type that was meant for protection while standing. But right now i am working from home and most of the time I am sitting down. Every single time I tried the Afex sitting, there was a wet spot. NOPE.

Keep your head up vote4pedro. There will be better days. In time you will find a diaper that works well for you in all situations.

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"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II

I was at physical therapy on Monday and was practicing sitting down and standing up on one leg (I’m a below the knee amputee) and my pants fell down. I was just wearing a diaper, pul pants and bodysuit. I don’t know if the physical therapist figured out what I was wearing (he quickly turned away) and I didn’t look around to see if anyone else saw (it was in a room full of people but I’m hoping they were all focused on their therapy) but I was so embarrassed. We all have those days and you just have to keep on as best as you can.

Yeah, I really should have just walked to the restroom and changed my clothing, but I felt like it would have been noticed. I mean I think it was pretty obvious and I panicked because I felt the urine running down the back of my leg at lightening speed. I was using a northshore supreme (the plastic kind). I feel the plastic doesn't sag as much but it makes a ton of noise being changed, so I was a little afraid of making too much noise. I find it difficult to change standing, but don't want to lay down on a public bathroom floor... eww. I have found that the supreme takes 3 decent floods (I have urge IC and unnoticeable voiding when seated which is a newer issues I have concerns about...) so I tend to flood or have heavier voids. I normally don't have issues with it leaking unless it is close to needing to be changed or massive flood (too much coffee type thing). It's hard for me to afford IC supplies so I also don't want to change them unless I have to; I don't want to waste something that is so expensive. I get briefs from charity at no cost and wear these at home or double them (cutting slits in the first) for short trips away from home. Booster pads are impossible to find locally, and they are sometimes expensive too. I'd rather just have a better diaper I guess than having to set up an extensive apparatus in my pants, haha.

Very few people in my life know about my IC (my family I still live with doesn't even know to my knowledge, and I prefer to keep it that way). I did find the check and drop it off, and I rescheduled an appointment; it's in 2 weeks, so the anxiety about having to face that person again is just festering. I do not like feeling so guarded about my condition, but until I am able to get out of the house especially and cut ties with toxic parents, it will remain.