What my family and I had laughed off as a quirky bladder for years was diagnosed as urge incontinence in 1987, I had been married to my first wife for three years. She tolerated my condition but never truly accepted it. Although her support was inconsistent and minimal at best, I don't blame her for her feelings, which in fact were shared by me for a number of years. Ironically, our attitudes were tempered by our daughter, born in 1988, who was far more understanding of my incontinence and diapers once she learned of them. Incontinence didn't kill out marriage, but it certainly didn't help.
I married again in 2006, and the circumstances couldn't have been more different. My second wife was in her late forties when we met, had a baby girl and like many women in her situation had her own experience with incontinence, and she was not at all put off by my circumstances. Both she and two older sisters had stress and mild urge incontinence, so I believe that she was predisposed to tolerance. That plus maturity and a naturally relaxed comportment made her not only an ideal mate, but also an invaluable member of my support team. In fact, I never truly accepted or was even remotely comfortable with my incontinence and need to wear diapers until meeting my second wife. We've had a normal, healthy marriage for over twelve years, and her love, wisdom, patience and kindness have been transformation for me. I am forever grateful that she is in my life.
With all of that said, both significant others in my life during the past thirty-four years didn't reject me because of my incontinence. It wasn't always easy, but we prevailed over this. I'm not sure if my first wife would have married me with this problem, but she at least tolerated it during our marriage. My second wife was never bothered by my incontinence, and in fact has been more tolerant of it overall than I have. My sense is that emotionally mature women, especially as they age, are for more accepting of incontinence than are men. This may be increasingly rare as our society becomes more superficial than previous generations. My perspective is also of a man in relationships with women, so I can't honestly speak to what incontinent women are experiencing in their relationships.
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