www.incontinentsupport.org

Yeah, that does make sense. I had similar feelings at first, but my mom had noticed when I had temporarily moved back in after my wreck and discharge, and brought it up as part of a whole are you ok kind of discussion. Oddly I had continued to try and deny my needing diapers for more than a decade even after that. That whole time, keeping my need for diapers from everyone else was a part of that. Eventually I learned it was just better and less stressful for me to face it more openly.

I think you can do that, be more open, without telling people. It involves being more open with the most important person in your life, YOU!

_________________
When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

Marcus Aurelius

Porkchop, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said the acceptance starts with yourself. That's the hardest part for me. If I were the last person on Earth I think it would be a lot easier. Being raised in a large family I quickly got used to there being no secrets. There was no hiding anything. This unconsciously became my mindset in later life. I find it infinitely difficult dealing with an issue that is inherently humiliating (like incontinence and diapers - my God, what will people think!).

A major aspect of incontinence is the stigma. With all the kids in extended large families, I got to witness the abusive strategies used to motivate a child towards toilet training. Humiliation is a huge motivator. Also a poisonous one. Any accident was an opportunity for parents in the 50's/60's to demonstrate to the other kids why accidents are unacceptable. It wasn't fun to be threatened with diapers in front of a bunch of kids. Especially when many were younger than you. These lessons live in me yet today. I don't know if I will ever be able to shake them.

Anyways, for me (and only me) I stand in front of the jury of my peers. I couldn't proceed in my acceptance without the verdict of this jury. Everyone felt badly for me when I told them. There was only compassion from them. That's a far cry from how we acted as children. At any rate I finally can move on figuring out how to deal with and accept the whole incontinence mess. As a side note, my incontinence has had unintended consequences. It's giving me a life lesson on the compassion that most people have for someone dealing with situations beyond their control. That has been a badly needed bright spot in this new journey. Ted


Please! Understand that this is how my incontinence issues are playing out for me. I would never presume that I would know how someone else would deal with this subject. My comments are primarily a means to consciously work out the path I need to proceed Ted

Ted, I think part of our differing perception on things is as much generational as anything else. I grew up in the age where they added size 6 to baby diapers and also where Goodnights were common because bedwetting was less socially taboo. Hadn't thought that it would impact things as much as anything else... good point.

_________________
When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

Marcus Aurelius

My hole imitate family know at this point as well as a few extended family members that I have stayed with. My grandparents know as I spent a hole summer with them and had diapers delivered to their house.. I look at it like this most family loves me enough not to care, they will be concerned but will not care. Every body else does not need to know but if they find out than so what.. The fact is that I need diapers at night, and my have an accident now and then during the day. To me it is just the same as a baby needing diapers, they don't care that they have to were them so nether will I.

_________________
Life is like a camera
Focus of what is important
Capture the good times
Develop from the negatives
Take another shot!

Many of my friends know I have sensitive kidneys and suffer from OAB, but I've only told two friends of my need to wear diapers as a back-up on long trips, lectures and other occasions that make reaching toilet difficult. I haven't told my parents.

It was, however, rather natural to tell my friends the "details" of my OAB-life, as they have their own set of ailments and have therefore reacted in a rather casual way. The male friend sort of shrugged, noting that he has worked with special needs people and is used to the idea that people may have to buy and wear diapers. He didn't think it anyway odd that an otherwise healthy young male with problems of the kidneys, bladder and the urinary tract would wear when need arises.
The female friend was a bit curious about the "products" as she had never seen adult diapers, but had a very casual, down-to-earth attitude towards the matter. It wasn't a big deal. I wish that there was more discussion considering young people's OAB, other urinary diseases and incontinence in the public. The stigma should be removed.

I was terrified at first to tell my friends, but it has been a relief to be able to discuss the "shameful" and "embarrassing" problem with them. You know, to be able to tell someone that yes, I eat meds for my bladder, that yes, I plan toilet trips, that yes, I need to wear if the weather's cold and damp or I have to sit in an exam or on a long trip and that yes sometimes it feels terrible. I don't feel so alone and burdened by the secret now. It's also great to be able to not only share the problem with other people. And it is also nice to be able to see the brighter sides and also to laugh at the problem. Humour is a medication too.

_________________
Linja-autojen ja rakkauden perässä voi juosta tai odottaa seuraavaa.

My family (partner and adult daughter), doctors, and a few close friends know. I avoid making my incontinence common knowledge among all my acquaintances, but I'm no longer paranoid about hiding my condition. Partly, for me it's a matter of age. I'm at an age (73) when incontinence isn't too surprising. It was much harder 40 years ago as an active young professional guy.

Inconinmiss,

We share the same age and the same attitudes!

--John

Überaktive, welcome to the forum. You had an interesting phrase in one of your other posts - "taboo ailments." That is a good description of incontinence. My symptoms started off in ways similar to yours. I see a lot of myself in your descriptions. I like your descriptions of your friends' reactions. I have had a couple of those conversations and can relate to the sense of awkwardness you convey.

Noe

I think all the points brought up are good in how we deal with the stress that incontinence can bring in our personal life's. But lets be realistic if someone is around you a lot there going to figure it out. As time goes by more people have figure out I have no control over my bladder. If they have the guts to ask the question, then I have no problem telling them. I feel I have help a lot of people by being more open about incontinence. I also understand why you would want to keep it private, it is a private matter and a lot of people can be very cruel. A lot a great responses on this one