www.incontinentsupport.org

Hi all
I was asked to speak to a friend of mines daughter that recently became incontinent after a surgery she had done(long story) Anyway My friend knew of my issues and knew I was around the same age as her daughter when I began wearing protection. She was a very out going active person in her middle 20's but since her problem started a few months ago she won't leave her house or go out and do anything. In away I was lucky in the fact that I started with pads and over time ended up in full briefs. I think it would have been allot harder to jump right into a full brief like she had to. I'm very active as well and I WILL NOT BE HELD BACK BECAUSE OF INCONTINENCE! Well I have been talking to her and trying to work with her. I will amit she had no idea of how to dress. She is a very pretty girl and likes to dress in a matter to show off herself. I've always been rather conservative myself. So I've been trying to show her ways of dressing and types of protection to wear. She's been using depends and we all know how much noise they make. The first day I met with her I went to her house and she had on a tight pair of thin white shorts. I said I wouldn't be seen in those either. For all it mattered the way the brief stood out she could have been wearing the shorts under the brief! So now that I've spent some time with her and talked to her she seems to be coming around. She said that she never knew I wore briefs and she has known me for over ten years as a friend to her mother. I explained to her it's how I dress she agreed. I also said you don't go looking for it either and she again agreed. She was thinking she could wear a min skirt I said yes with a pair of shorts under it maybe? But I told her if you bend over the secret may be out regardless. So I did go out and buy her some loose fitting jeans to wear and later this week we are going to go to a park and go walking for a few hours. My hope being that she will get more comfortable with the idea of being out in public without being in a crowded public place or store. The park has some very well maintained nature trails. I told her we will work up to the stores later. If you all have any advice on this matter I would be open to hearing it. Thanks in advance..........Sandy

Sandy, It sounds like you're already doing a great job with this young girl. These forums don't have a lot of females. So I'm not sure you'll get many replies from other women. I'm a male and we don't have the challenges in dressing as a woman does. It's tough for a new person to adapt to wearing diapers again. For a male, we just throw on a pair of pants. No dresses, no pants suits, etc. But it's like you said in your post, no one can really tell you have a diaper on(unless you're wearing a noisey diaper like Depends). With your experience over the years, I'm sure she'll get plenty of help by you. Good Luck!

Hi Sandy and Paul sounds like you are on top of this being a male don't know the female side but it is a blow to your ego when incon. comes around I tried to look the other way but it was always there.thanks

Thanks Paul
It's nice to get a reply I'm not real up on helping another person with incontinence face to face. I have offered lots of advice on line but almost never Face to face. To up date you all We did go walking in the park for about four hours. We had a real nice time she was kind of up tight at first. She did need to stop and change once that was a little interesting. I thought something might be up she started to act a little differant. So I asked she acted unsure. I said no sweat we went to a rest room and as luck would have it nobody was around. Then she asked how do you change without laying down? (O Boy) I said well most of the time I lay it out on the toilet seat at home and sit down get the bottom tapes on then stand up and do the top tapes. She said you can do it that way? Then I explained to her the way you do it standing up and leaning against something to hold the back side up so you can tape it on. Well that proved to be interesting. I stood outside the stall and walked her through it. She got the tapes all goofed up and ended up having to use another brief then I had to go in the stall with her and help her out I could tell she was very embarrassed. I acted like it was no big deal and said I was happy that she trusted me to help her out. I also told her to practice at home so she can get the hang of it. Well after all that no one came in the rest room and we went on with our walk for around another two hours and went home. She seemed to be ok after we got home so I asked if she would like to do some clothes shopping next week she said she would think about it.................Sandy

Sounds like you both had a learning experience during your walk at the park, Sandy. I wear disposable Tena diapers during the day, and always put them on standing up. Bracing your back against a wall is the best way for me to put on my diaper(changing too!).
The only time I lay down to get diapered is at bedtime. I wear cloth diapers at night with some plastic pants. I get a much tighter fit than trying to put the diaper on standing up, and it's easier to put on diaper cream and powdering myself.
I know when I first became incontinent and was forced back into diapers, it was a huge learning experience.Trying to find what to wear, where to get the stuff, and living with the inconvienence of incontinence every moment of the day is tough on any person. Sandy, this girl is lucky to have you for help. Good luck on shopping with her. ...Paul

Hi Paul
Thanks again for the kind words. It's nice to know someone is reading or listening. I myself wear the Tena ultras fairly often for day use. I like the tena's because of the wide crotch area and they seem to stay rather dry against the skin even when they are rather wet. On the down side I have to be careful not to wear them on warm days because of the rub rash on the inside of my legs. Do you ever have that problem? When it's warmer outside I wear a plastic backed diaper like Tranquility's ATN Brief. I've been wearing the tranquility ones fairly often lately because I haven't been able to get a good deal on the Tena's ultras. I buy most of my protection off EBay. I also use Molicares super and super pluses and Abri form x plus. I use these two more at night or during the day if I know I'm going somewhere that a rest room is going to be a hard find. I also use attends with the waist band and the classic #10 and a few other middle of the road brands. Most of the time if I use what I call a middle of the road brand I use a booster pad with them. And generally only wear the cheaper ones when I'm close to home or at home. Paul you stated you wear cloth at night. I've read many a post on other sites stating that people prefer cloth at night. What are your feelings on the subject. I have never worn cloth myself I think the biggest reason is I just don't want to deal with the laundry. To me it also seems like many of the post about cloth I've read are from men. Is cloth maybe more of a guy thing?. I've read many post about side leaks during the night. It does sometimes happen to me but only sometimes. I've had the impression that males tend to have more issues with leaks because they (how should I say this) don't have a fixed point as from were their urine comes from. While we are on the subject of cloth. I've looked at cloth products on EBay in the past but there are so many differant designs what are some of the better ones. I mean there are ones that It appears you have to put several layers together and then put them on or the one that comes complete and just snaps on. Also another question do you need to wear plastic pants with all cloth products or are there some that have a waterproof backing. When it comes to washing them what type of a detergent do you use. Sorry for so many questions but I've never really talked to anyone before on the subject of cloth. .................................Sandy

Sandy,
Since I wear pants all the time, I have no problem with a rub rash on my leg. I seldom ever get a diaper rash. My skin is not so susceptible, but I do have a strict regime on hygiene when I change.
You say you use several different brands of diapers in your post. I buy all my disposables on line with HDIS(home delivery). Based on their automated delivery, I get the Tena Ultra for about 73 cents per diaper. I have never checked on E-bay for any diapers or accessories. I use to use Attends diaper when I first became incontinent 7 years ago. Even though they are plastic backed, they were not too noisy. But even the Tena Ultra has some noise with it's plastic front for the tape tabs.
I've been using cloth diapers and plastic pants at night for over 4 years now. I started cloth for several reasons. One is that they don't leak like the diposables always did. Theyare much more comfortable to wear, I can go through the entire night in a cloth diaper and not have to get up in the middle of the night to change. I really don't think most cloth diapers users are men. I've read plenty of post on sites like this of women who use cloth diapers. You're right about a man having a different exit point as compared to a female. The best thing of a cloth diaper is the cloth material acts like a wick. All the urine completely spreads through the diaper where a disposable will not. When you wake up in the morning in a cloth diaper, the whole diaper is wet if you have a heavy night. A disposable will leak before it does that.
The only drawback is like you said, Sandy, and that's the laundry. It's something I accept as my chore. It only takes me about 10 minutes to get them in the washing machine. Later on, they're ready to take out if the dryer and fold. To me, it's worth the peace of mind I get to go through the trouble of washing. When ever I go on vacation with my wife, I dread having to wear disposables. And by the way, since I do laundry every day, I've switched to cloth diapers during the day on weekends. I use both pin on diapers and pull-on cloth diapers during the day. Typically I have 2 or 3 changes per day, depending on how bulky of a diaper I wear.
My favorite pin on diaper is the flat gauze type. You can add as many baby diapers as you need to allow for how often you want to change. I get these from AdultClothDiaper.com. I also use their pull up diaper they sell there. I've tried the "all-n-one" diaper that has the plastic panty already attached to the cloth diaper, but they will not last as long after many washings. The plastic panty tends to get stiff. I use a separate plastic pant when I wear cloth. I do not wash them in the washer ,though. They will last a lot longer if you wash them by hand. I usually just rinse them off with hot water when I shower in the morning. This same site also has very good plastic pants too. They have colors too, and I find that the colors last a little longer than the white ones. I use all colors and some prints. I'm not ashamed using different colors and prints. Most adults wear different color underwear and panties. No difference, right?
And finally, I've gone through several different types of detergent. I've settled in on Dreft. It's formulated to wash cloth diapers. Besides, I like the fragrance. The only thing I do,though,(that most cloth diaper suppliers say don't do) is the use of a fabric softner. The suppliers say don't use it because it will shorten the life of the diaper, and can effect the absorbancy of your diaper. But, I like the softness it provides. That is one thing that brought me to cloth diapers. They are soft and very comfortable against your skin. No rough disposable will give you that!
Just one more thing, Sandy. You will have to put up a sizable investment to buy all of this, but in the long run, it's a lot cheaper reusing a cloth diaper than buying all those disposables!..................Paul

Without a doubt getting your head wrapped around the idea that you must wear diapers is the toughest thing to do relative to being incontinent. I have had to deal with it for almost 10 years now and I still don't have a handle on it. I know I have to protect myself but having to wear diapers and plastic pants is just not something people do in this society. Therein is the crux of the matter. Our society looks down on what we have to deal with and avoids having to deal with it. I have to steel myself every time I change my diapers. After all it is my life.
Another thought that always used, past tense, to bother me was the thought that everyone knew I was wearing protection, or they could hear my diaper crinkle or they could detect a "poofy" behind. The truth is, no body can tell. The only way anyone can tell anything is if you wear very tight clothing. I wear comfortable jeans, pants and shorts (cut offs). There are some plastic pants (eurethane) that make a lot of noise and no one has ever turned around or in any other way paid any attention to what I was wearing. Most people have no idea what the sound is or where it is coming from even if they can hear it.
A great combination for day wear is: 1) a good disposable, 2) a thinner cloth pin on or snap on diaper, 3) a quality pair of rubber or plastic pants. This is the most common day wear for me and it does not get too thick and gets me by. The cloth diaper is added protection just like the plastic pants. Never wear a diaper without pants, just in case. Night time is a little more of the same, 1)a good disposable, 2) two pairs of cloth diapers, 3) a flannel lined plastic pant. This has never let me down.
The odd thing is, I go through heavier and lesser bouts of incontinence. Some days I know are going to be trouble so I wear more protection. The old thought about restricting fluid intake is bad advice according to my doctor and after kidney and bladder infections due to dehydration, I keep the liquids flowing in even though I know they will be flowing out, but health is important.
Sorry, I did not mean for this to get as long as it did. God's best to you and yours. Schoe

Hi Paul
When you say .73 cents per brief does that include shipping? If so that's not to bad. Most of the time if I'm patient I can get a case of Tena Ultras between 35-50 bucks a case shipping included. The tranquility ATN's I bought a while back were around $60.00 for A case of 96. Booster liners are usually fairly cheap as well. The last few cases of the full length tranquility liners were around $30.00 shipping included for a case of 120. I also like to use the Attends booster pads they look like a maxi pad they are about a foot long and around 2 1/2 to 3 inches wide. They sound small but they really help. The last case I got of those was around $40.00 includes shipping for as I remember about 220 pads Paul do you ever use boosters? If not you should give them a try they really add to the brief. Most of the time I will use at least one attend booster in my brief. Sometimes I use two end to end down the middle. This weekend I was experimenting with the Sam's Club Comfort Shape brief. I got a case of these sometime back and finally started using them. I'm told these are the old ones. So I'm not sure how good the new ones are. Anyway I Tried wearing one last night for bed with two attends boosters and a Tranquility full length liner also I woke up this morning with a rather full brief but with no leaks. The brief was about as bulky as the Molicare super plus this morning. But then one has to think with that many boosters why not just wear a heavier brief. Well I like to experiment The way I look at it if you can find a combination that will work good at night it should work great during the day. The down side to the comfort shape is they are a little noisy. But they really fit me well. I must be a rare case I really don't have that many problems with leaks at night? And I am a heavy wetter....................Sandy

Hi Schoe
You have an interesting idea of wearing a disposable with cloth over it and plastic pants. Sounds like more work then I want to go through. To me it's a lot easier just to wear a good quality disposable with a boost pad. I always wear dark pants so if I do get a leak it's usually not that noticeable. and your right about people not knowing that you wear protection if you dress with loose fitting cloths. The young gale as I stated in an earlier post never knew I wore protection and she knew me for around ten years. But I would beg to differ with you as far as wearing noisy plastic pants under your pants. I'm sure if you found yourself in with the right or should I say wrong crowd someone would be there to point it out sooner or later. I remember back when I first had to start wearing full protection 24/7 We didn't have a fraction of the choices we have now. I can remember using the old green depends talk about junk! those things were so loud they would echo in a hallway Then if you had one good wetting you had better go change any more after that and you were sure to have a leak. Even the old attends from back it the late eighties and early 90's when they were wet they would stick to your skin and they had a heavy plastic so they were very noisy. I remember having to wear a tight pair of brief size panties with a pair of cloth shorts over that under my pants or dress etc. Just to cover or muffle the noise.
You spoke about fluid intake I couldn't agree more with you. To restrict fluids is a bad thing to do not only internal but external as well. Your urine can become very acidic and cause a good rash as well. I drink at least a gallon of water a day. And I'm careful about what I eat I stay away from junk foods and coffee and sodas as well. since I started watching my diet and drinking lots of water a number of years ago. I haven't had much problems with rashes. I also swear by Johnson and Johnson's 100% corn starch medicated baby powder at every change. But I would say I could do with out the smell of that powder. ..........................Sandy