www.incontinentsupport.org

Hi batman, thanks for the encouragement. As for your feeling guilty, I have these feelings too. We are supposed to be strong, mentally and physically. I feel like I should be better than this, and so I feel guilty, and I think about all those who experienced things much worse than I, etc. Maybe this is a common theme for us all?

I was bullied and harassed by a couple of NCOs while we were deployed. It messed up my world. Reality became really abstract for me when I was over there. It was like everything was a dream and whatever happened in the real world didn't really matter. And yeah, as soon as I brought up what was going on regarding the harrassment, I became the issue for not being able to deal with it or suck it up and keep going. I did have some good NCOs, tho. That helped.

I think group therapy would be a good thing. Maybe I will give it a go.

Dear Joe, I assume you were Army. I was a Marine. We worshiped the Navy Corpsmen. I never saw braver men. The Corpsmen in Nam saw it all, more than we did. they had to attend every wounded man where we often never saw them having to set up security for incoming medivacs choppers. Unfortunately I somehow was always at the CP and helped with the wounded.
I got back from Nam and tried to "go on". Got married had two sons worked 6 days a week running large construction projects. Head cub master for boy scouts, president of high school Boosters, etc. I was a very good leader and organizer. But all the time fighting the memories and emotional stress of war. It took its toll. At around forty years old i walked off the job after almost walking off a 30 foot high roof because i was following a blood trail left by steel workers who were cut by the sharp steel decking (common thing with their work), but it was not a simple workers blood trail. It was a viet cong blood trail and i was not on a roof but in high grass hunting down an enemy. I was grabbed by a fellow worker two feet before i walked off the roof. (Sound familiar?) I left the job and went to the office and told my cousin (the company President) that i was leaving the family business, then went home and told my wife. It was a large family company. Everyone went nuts. Seven years later working out of my house i reached the end of my torment and decided to do what i knew i was always going to do - end my pain. Though fate (story unto it self) I did not and turned to my wife whom I had been pushing away for years (and though i know she was at her wits end still loved me) and she was there for me. Months later (VA Phych ward) family, Her love, I was ready to take on life again, with a lot more knowledge, although still carrying all the shit in my head. I went back to college and amazingly found i had a talent for writing. The head of expository writing (Harvard) said i was the next Hemingway. It was cathartic but i was pushed by professors and family to skip getting my BA and pursue writing. I went for it. Three weeks into my "new career" I came home from class. My wife was at the kitchen table. "Paul" she said. "Sit down. I have something to tell you." It was like I knew I was going to be ambushed. I have a very developed sixth sense. I refused to sit. She finally spoke. "Paul, I have cancer." I never wrote again. She died twenty months later.
Joe, I have been through a lot. I understand your pulling back from all that you once enjoyed. But you have to fight back. You survived a war. Now comes the harder part. You have to survive life after that war. Group meeting can be good - and bad. Good to realize you are NOT crazy and your feelings are a shared experience. Bad if the talk goes back to war and you start getting cranked up by it all. one on one counceling is much more productive. But both can help if you can separate the bull shit from the truth. Pulling back (all the time) will destroy you. Pulling back (some of the time) is unavoidable, and necessary. Get help! Dig in. Once you know why you feel this way it helps dealing with the feelings - it will not erase them. And I am here if you need to ask questions. I may or may not have answers. I know this is long, i apologize to others, but it is what it is. Special circumstance for a brother in arms. Semper Fi Joe. Paul (Papa)

Papa, very well wrote, Thank-You for sharing that, and for everyone here that served in whatever form you did. With something as deep a topic as this one is about, a response to someone having struggles can NEVER be too long. We are a support group, not just a chat room/forum about incon issues, I consider it my online "Family" whom I have grown to trust and appreciate every day. Fight the good fight, my friends! Puffy

_________________
Puffy
BC, Canada
Fighting the "Bladder Battle" since 1995

Papa and eighty5onions, I am so very sorry that you had to endure all of that. I am in awe of your bravery and your courage to share painful memories with some of us who were never in a position to have the slightest clue. Thank you (and all our Veterans) for your service to our Country. May the coming years bring you everything that you could hope for. (Papa, I think the Department head may have been on to something - I think your New Year's resolution should be to start writing again....)

Wetters

Paul, thank you for sharing with me this. I liked to write also, but I haven't done this in a while. And yes, I have pulled back a lot. Don't talk to anyone anymore, deleted all of my social media accounts even. Fighting back, I know I need to but for the most part, I don't even care enough to go to my appointments. That's the kicker. How do I get better if I don't even care anymore? And it's an imposition for me to seek advice or anything until I can figure out why I should care for myself. I'm not at all suicidal, please don't misunderstand.

It was like a bit of oxygen when I read your message and got my head outside of my four walls to be reminded others experience the same feelings, though.

Yep, Army. 3d ACR. AI-EE-YAH

Thanks for the kind comments, all.

Joe

Joe, you are an important and positively-contributing member of society and you deserve to be content and happy.

Wetters

Papa, thank you for sharing your story.

Joe, Maybe having someone meet you and go with you to your appointments might help. Recently, I did that for a guy I know that was medically retired. I had called to checked on him and asked about him getting his VA card. He hadn't yet and just said he has just been sitting around the house with his wife and kids. Looked at my work schedule for the next day and saw I could take off. Called him back and asked about driving him to the VA hospital and I would show him where to go. Long story short, got there and he found out something had not been processed correctly and his benefits would not have started on time. If I hadn't who knows the problems he would have faced weeks later.

Joe, You have to fight the not caring. You are a highly trained Medic and have skills that any hospital or medical center would welcome with open arms. You have to get up and get out. Work is excellent therapy. Think of the good you can do. DO not let the war defeat you now you are back. You have stared into the abyss too long and now it is staring back. I understand. I also know how doing nothing and withdrawing can waste you totally. Take a shower, put on clean clothes and take a long walk.
You also have never said why you are here (incontinence). I know that can add big time to everything else. You are an American fighting man. Fight now for your self. Paul

Hi joe
My heart goes out to you having been bullied at various points in my life and it does knock ones confidence in life and fellow humans. However I have a circle of friends outside not connected at all to my normal life I started this at school on the advice of a friend of the family. I joined a junior sailing club (65 miles away) as a way of escape and it helped take my mind off school life as when you are sailing you do not have time to think about normal life as one is fighting the wind, tide and other crews the other children were excellent as did not know me and it was so refreshing. In adult life I now do a lot of walking with a walking group I belog to again outside my normal circle of work colleagues. In the UK we have quite a number of Charities that help former/current service people with the sort of situation you are in. Following numerous councilling sessions I have learnt that to give in to others that give out cruelty means that they have won and I hate and still do being the victim. One of the suggestions was to have pet/s and I went for a number goldfish and this helped a lot as I had to put effort to keep them alive clean indoor tank etc.

Hope this helps

Greenbank

Joe, Try and get out. Walk around. I will be out of touch for a few days and thinking of you. Have a great New Year! Paul