www.incontinentsupport.org

In another thread it was asked if being able to walk around ones house in just a diaper and tee shirt was a step towards accepting incontinence and wearing diapers. I understand what he was asking and agreed with his thoughts. Then i remembered a day last summer when I got up as usual and went down and put on the coffee wearing just my night diapers and a light tee shirt.
It was liberating and my confidence grew. Before diapers i would come down in just my boxers or boxers and a tee also. I wanted to feel "normal" again after years of not feeling that way. I made the coffee and sat down to read the paper which had been delivered earlier. After reading the paper i opened up my laptop and checked the weather (Dry and hot for the day.) Next it was the news and then e-mail. Over two hours had passed as well as half the pot of coffee. I fixed the third cup and went out on the back porch (I can walk all around the outside of my house and could never be seen by neighbors) so it is private.
More and more I kept telling my self diapers are just my new underwear. I would answer the door easily in a tee and boxers, why do I fear that now? I knew the reason but was angry at it. My confidence and courage grew. By then i needed my diapers changed and went up and brushed my teeth and shaved. Next i showered and put on dry diapers and clean plastic pants (I prefer cloth diapers.) I came back down in just the diapers and carried a tee it case it was needed. I saw the mail that had been piling up and went through it on the back deck in a comfortable chair. I went to my office and paid the bills and readied them for mailing. I was growing more and more bold. "To hell with what others think! This is what I have to deal with now and they can all just accept it!)
I had finally found that confidence i had lost long ago. Then... (Ding, Dong) the door bell rang. Panic raced through me and i ran for cover - in my own house - found a robe and answered the door. A delivery. I sat down and my body was shaking, my mind racing. The confidence i realized was just an act of defiance and bravado that was shattered by... a door bell. I fought in Vietnam and saw and experienced things no one should. I was wounded twice, i never wavered in battle. But a door bell....
Papa

Yup......the way we all live.....

I have read and re-read this post several times and totally understand where you are Papa. When I am home alone I bask in the freedom to just be comfortable in my own home and it really does feel liberating. But like you I can only have this freedom while at home AND while alone. But....I don't think it is out of fear(mostly)I can only do this at home and alone. I think for me that it would be in poor taste to expose myself like this to others and in turn make them uncomfortable. Before I became incontinent I would not dare answer the door if I were in my underwear.(I wore tighty whities) even if it was just my family.
Now granted, I should be comfortable enough to be this open when it is just my wife but even then I feel the need for discretion. This I know I need to work on but I just wanted you to know if may not be out of fear alone you may want to hide.

Oh and by the way, thank you. Thank you for your service and sacrifice serving in the military.

To be able to be yourself without worrying what others think about you is great. Being at home is suppose to be a place where we should be able to let our guard down and not worry about things. I feel very fortunate I was never in combat, the closest I came to the term "boots on ground" was when my ship offloaded Marines on the beach in Iraq. I can understand the anxiety part though. For some reasons loud noises, sudden surprises send my heart pumping and breathing out of control now a days. Even when watching TV and those loud commercials come on, I am reaching for the remote because they are making me uncomfortable. I do envy you and the location of your house. We had hoped to get a place where it was semi private around the house when I got out of the Navy, but that plan fell apart when we moved to our new home.

Rope, I believe it has been going on a two years now that this problem has gotten worse to the point of me wearing protection. Even though my wife knows about what I wear, I still feel uncomfortable about it when I have to change when we are away from the house and I am dragging my change bag out of the trunk. The other day we were looking for hidden Christmas presents in our closest, I told her not to look in one specific area. She asked why and I said that is where I keep my stuff. Her response was great "You act like I don't know about it and it is some big secret," and went back to searching. It just still makes me uncomfortable having her see them.

I completely get what you are saying batman. Its been three years for me and I think I can now say as far as going out it is getting easier. There are times where we are going out or already out and my wife knows we will be out for a while and she will ask me if o need to change. Its a bit embarrassing but it has become a fact of life now.
Also I can testify it is nice to have a lot of privacy around your home. My closest neighbor is about 3/4 of a mile away. If I am alone and leave something in the car, I will go out and get it like it is no big deal if I am not wearing any pants. It is very reassuring to know you have that level of freedom and the ability to let your guard down that much.

It's a bit like I said in my previous post. It's all about what other people's expectations are about the person who is wearing the diaper. If the person who is wearing is perfectly active and has no sign of having any form of illness or dissabilty it would be a shock for someone to see you wearing just a vest and diapers. But on the other hand if you a clearly sick or disabled then people are not shocked by it. As for myself I have been hospitalised in the past and have been in diapers the whole time. I have been examined many times while wearing diapers. Earlier this year while sat in my wheelchair I have been through airport security and been patted down all over including my leg bag and had to bend forward when my diaper I was wearing for extra protection would have been vizable to the security guy. Did I feel embarrassed, no because I am clearly disabled and it would be expected. I have visits from district nurses to change catheters and am often wearing a diaper as well.
I feel fine about people knowing I am catherterized or wearing diapers because it's expected. If I was not disabled I think I would feel differently. My heart goes out to you guys that apart from incontinence your fit and healthy I don't think you will ever be totally ok about people knowing or seeing. But for us who are disabled while we can be more ok about it we wish we could swap places and be other wise fit and healthy. But what ever the reason for our incontinece and what ever physical state we are in it is a shame that it is such an embarrassing condition for ourselves and for other people if they find out

4wheeldave.

I couldn't have answered the door just in my nappy either. I have done though on several occasions in a nappy anddressing gown. When I reaced the stage where I neded to wear all the time I was very self concious about being noticed. Now I hardly evr think about it providing my nappy is covered. My wife always tells me no one can tell but I know if you looked hard enough it would be obvious but I'm incontinent so have no choice. Well I could wear a bag but I'd rather wear a nappy to be honest.

Rope, You are right about your last assumption. Fear, of being seen in diapers, is not my only issue. I want, no...need, my privacy. When friends or family comment on how quiet and secluded my house is I often reply, to the closest of them, that it, the house, is my cardboard box. They look at me with puzzled eyes. Half of all homeless people in our country are vets. Many of them could choose not to be homeless. They are often educated, skilled and capable men. They choose to live in forests, caves, under bridges or in cardboard boxes because it is their retreat from the world. They choose to give up all the joys that life can bestow to avoid all the pain it can also give. They just can not take anymore emotional stress. I understand that all too well. I am fortunate in that my "cardboard box" is just a lot nicer than theirs.
That more than anything is why when the door bell rang i emotional lost it. It was an invasion of my privacy, of my safe place and of my peace of mind that only seclusion can create. (PTSD) Yes, Yes the diapers are embarrassing but i have endured a lot worst things, not that I want to be embarrassed. The cancer that left me incontinent (and impotent) as well as two heart attacks was caused by exposure to Dioxin (Agent Orange.) As we Vietnam Vets say "It's the war that keeps on killing."
In a weird way the incontinence and diapers distracts me from the impotent part, which bothers me more than the diapers. (Guy thing I guess.) We all need distractions. Some can find that in funky diapers ie. colors, style, prints, etc. Others by excessive work hours or hobbies. I know that walking around in just my diapers and plastic pants somehow distracts me from a lot. I have to always be thinking of who just might pop up at the door and that avoids me thinking of a lot of other shi*. It also is a weak "In your face" thing. Damn I babble. Merry Christmas to all and God bless us, everyone. Papa

Hi Papa, I was also diagnosed with PTSD. I am an Iraq veteran. Combat medic. Started having some trouble when I was still in the Army but was able to deal with it without too much trouble. Symptoms got worse about a year and a half ago. Think I've just started to get okay with dealing with things. I don't like to leave my apartment. Social worker at the VA wants me to join a group therapy thing. I am pretty numb when I'm home alone, but "constricted" in social situations. The feeling you get when someone comes to your door, I get that. I feel sometimes my life is effectively over. I was betrayed by a couple of my NCOs while I was deployed. Saw some stuff on patrols. Lots of indirect fire on the base.

The thing that got me the most was NCOs.

I haven't been very active on the board here. Pretty low self-esteem, but your post made me feel not so alone.

Best,
Joe

Papa and Joe both of you touched a subject I feel this country should do more for. It is a shame there are so many homeless Vets out there. Not to mention the ability to help our returning Vets who are having trouble readjusting to live after combat.

Joe I would recommend taking advantage of the group session. I did the Anxiety and Stress relief classes for two months. (1 hour a week) It gave me some tools to help when I started to feel really stressed and my anxiety would kick in. As stated before, I never saw combat and I feel guilty when I start to think about it as I spent my time at sea far from the front lines. Part of this feeling is I should not even be around those who have been there, because I cannot relate to what they have been through. I realize I have my own emotional/health issues caused by my service and try to deal with them the best I can.

Not to defend your NCOs, but maybe they were not very knowledgeable about how to deal with this. Which this feeds into the don't say anything is wrong are you will be labeled and removed from your job and end your career. I could write on this for a long time as I raised my hand back in 02 saying I'm having a problem dealing with some emotional items. Immediately, transferred and was facing getting admin separated. I got lucky, my new NCOs and follow on NCOs were understanding and stopped the admin sep and allowed me to get the help I needed at that time, which allowed me to continue my career. I can tell you if I had my previous NCOs this would not have been the case.

Hope to see more postings from you Joe and to hear if you decided to try those group sessions. Take care.