www.incontinentsupport.org

Hi all,
As described before I have a relative light form of incontinence, meaning it goes wrong once every second or third night in bed. I tried all kinds of protection and have so my preferences. Next summer I will go on a big holiday with my wife and kids. We will stay in hotels and use a campervan. My wife knows of course about my issue and is fully relaxed about it. At home I wear protection during the night and all is fine. My kids don't know this and I want to keep it that way. When using protection I find it almost impossible to find good reliable material which is hardly visible under your pyjamas. (Tena) Pants are hardly visible but can leak during the night. Belt diapers are great but are visible. Plastic pants work great but are bulky. PUL pants are light but make quiet dinner noise. What is the optimum to use? Would rubber pants be a better solution? (Silent but secure?) Any suggestions or maybe similar experiences?
Regards Bob

You know, Bob, I know it won't appeal, but wouldn't it be easier for your children to know you have problems? Life would be heaps easier if you didn't have to keep trying to hide things.

When I first suffered with leakage, I was in hospital for a week while tests were carried out and I left hospital with sheaths (external catheters) and drainage bags. Now it wouldn't have been hard to conceal the leg bags but night time drainage bags (2 litre) on a stand cannot be hidden. Of course my children saw them and asked about it and were perfectly reasonable, kept it to themselves, and I had no problems.

I cannot imagine how hard it would be to conceal things form people in a camper van - after all, there's the supplies to be stored somewhere and someone is sure to notice them some time. Really, it might be a whole heap less embarrassing to let the people coming with you know before you go. That way, instead of trying to hide everything from them, they can actively help to conceal things from the outside world - a well worth help to have.

Bob,

I doubt that you can find a solution which is both highly reliable at night and yet so discreet during the day that family members in intimate circumstances will not notice it. Any pull-up is more likely to leak at night than a taped diaper. A relatively thin taped diaper would be more effective and yet discreet in light clothing (Tena Slimline, for example would be sufficient for light incontinence). Otherwise, wear a good pull-up during the day and a taped diaper for night. Re plastic pants, the PUL breathable pants are good in warm weather and usually are quieter than vinyl. Rubber pants weigh more and are warmer.

It will not be an easy decision, but I will second Wheels' recommendation that you have a family talk with your kids about their dad's situation. Eventually they will notice, find supplies, notice odors, see diapers in trash, etc.

--John

I agree with the other posts on this one. Tell you children. They will understand and won't think anything less of you for it.

If you continue hiding it they will catch on eventually. Plus hiding it from your children would cause you unneeded stress.

You have one of two choices to make. You will be choosing the second weather you choose or not.

1. Take 5 minutes to explain to your children that you have a health problem and need to wear a diaper because you are having trouble with your bladder when you are asleep.

or

2. Spend the rest of your life stressing about hiding it from your children.


It would be a lot less hassle and stress to spend a few minutes talking to them, as apposed to years stressing about hiding your health issues. Been there.

Doug

_________________
When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.

I'm about the same as you are. I wet the bed about 50% of the time, but have no particular other issues.

I wouldn't tell them, but I also wouldn't change the routine. The last thing you want is unfamiliar protection when you're away from hone.

Last summer my wife and I stayed in a camper with my inlaws for a few days. I just changed as quietly as possible behind our curtain. I wore an abena L4, to which I added two pairs of boxer-breifs with a pair of PUL pants in between. The combination would catch any leaks, and help dampen any crinkling.

If anyone had asked, I would bitten the bullet and explained, but so far as I know, no one ever noticed.

I haven't told my son either. he is 23 now. yes it is stressful trying to keep it from him, but if the need comes up than I will discuss it with him. It is a medical condition and as much as I would love to have it fixed, I have come to terms this is my life now.

hi Bob

tell your children, just explain the medical condition and wearing is a requirement it will remove the stress of hiding the face that you need to wear and if you have an accident and need to change in the middle of the night along with the sheets you wind have to explain then as they will already know.

Telling your family can be the best thing to release the hiding and stress I told my family and they have been very supportive.

My sons, both over 18 now, my nephews, sister. mom and a few close friends know about my incontinence. I went on a road trip a little over a year ago with one nephew and oldest son. We all shared the same hotel room. I didn't have to stress or be concerned, embarrassed, etc. I changed in private and kept everything as private as I would at home, I changed in the bathroom, and nobody said anything or made a big deal out of it. It just was. That is how it should be with your children. They will just accept it as a fact of life and move on.

It took me a while to get past the "what if" stage but I am much happier and have far less stress in my life because I did talk to my kids early about health issues. They had a few questions but nothing embarrassing or scary. 10 minutes later my boys ran off and played with their toys like nothing was ever said. My boys never teased, got teased, etc and they never made any hurtful comments like ignorant people do. Besides helping them except that people with disabilities are still people there are no side-effects that became of it. That is a quality that everyone learns young. The younger the better.

Doug

_________________
When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.

That is cool your kids are so understanding.

I think what, when and IF you tell your children anything about your incontinence has to consider their age and mental ability to process the information. My boys are still young, they are 6 & 8 with special needs, so telling them at this point wouldn't be something that my wife and feel is appropriate.

_________________
When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

Marcus Aurelius