How has incontinence impacted on your wife / partner.

[MichaelQ]

At first - she didn't know for a year and a half that I was using anything to control leaking, nor did she know about me leaking. This was a huge embarrassment for me. Finally, we were getting ready to go on a 2 week road trip vacation. I had no choice but to let her know, and giddy with relief at the awesome way she handled it. Being that we had (at the time) two young sons - I was extremely worried about changing in a one room (2 bed) hotel room. Several plastic grocery bags were brought along with us, in our suitcase, and in the morning, I'd grab a diaper and a bag for disposal of the soiled one. Drop it in the trash, and toss some toilet paper over it after blowing my nose. Kids didn't notice, and it worked out great. Now - on to sex life. Hmmm. That was a challenge. I learned to make sure that I went to the bathroom before anything happened. My biggest worry was obviously, peeing on her. Well, thanks to urge incontinence, and an erection, nothing leaks from me. However - as the erection subsides, I go to the bathroom, and then return. Today - we have a routine, if you will. Back then - it was learning the routine. There were a few small hit and misses, but all in all - things worked out well.

I'm very grateful that I have her in my life, and we love each other as much today - as when we were first married.

[mhedman56]

I have been very fortunate to have a wife who isn't phased at all about my incontinence and doesn't bat an eye at my diapers. I am very discrete about changing, but she has never been bothered by seeing me in diapers and plastic pants. My diapers have never been an impediment to our physical intimacy, and in fact probably add to it as I don't think a wet bed is very romantic. I expect we enjoy as much physical closeness as any happily married couple at our age.

[Don]

My wife is very supportive of my incontinence. She is very understanding of all my health conditions. She wants to be a nurse so I don't think any of this bothers her. She is not phased in the least by seeing me in diapers. She has helped me change in the past when I went through a phase of wearing prefold cloth diapers. I couldn't do the pins to save my life. She used cloth diapers on both my kids so she was good at the pins. I, with much embarrassment, accepted her help. I get embarassed about having someone change me. Not a fun time. Even if it is my wife. Now, I just use Abena Xplus and change myself. I like being independent. But its nice to know my wife is there if I need her.

[justin]

At first my wife was upset. Now after years of this she will fasten tapes for me since she has experience with our children she makes the fit the better than I can myself.

[stealtheli]

New to forum. Looking for support. My Wife left me because of my incontinence.

[DDS]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear your wife left you. I'm lucky as my wife has less of a problem with my lack of bladder control than I do. She'll tell me when I'm sagging and she has no problem buying me disposables. I love her.

[2lyle]

Welcome to the group.
I am sorry to hear your wife could not handle your problem that is a bummer.
My wife is my biggest supporter we have been married 45yrs and we both still love each other very much.
I don’t know why some women and men have no problem with incontinence in there partner and other do. I been dealing with incontinence for so many years I lost count.
When I first started having incontinence problems disposable diapers were not to be had we had to use cloth diapers. Now my incontinence has changed and I have to use a Foley catheter and a bag my wife is still my biggest supporter.

Have you tried to talk to your wife and explain it to here?
Has she ever gone to the doctors with you? My wife always goes to every doctor appointment with me.
Have you tried to get her involved in your health care and would you do the same for here?

I don’t know the answer but I shore would try something if you still love and want her.

2lyle

[CharlieP]

The above is great advice. My wife was involved in my medical stuff from day one and I am sure it helped her understand.

I guess you also have to accept that some people are just not able to handle their partners medical problems. I often wonder how my wife would adjust should I end up in a wheel chair which is a very real possability for me. Shes only 30 Im 31 so thats alot of years yet of support ontop of raising our young family (5 and 7). Its alot to ask of anyone.

Charlie

[bruce bolt]

In sickness or in health richer or poorer a vow marriage is a commitment if they run when you are sick or when thing get tough the truth is you mad a wrong chose in the beginning i got even when she left i got rich now she is really piss god works in strange ways aka karma

[2lyle]

Charlie

I have been having incontinent problems both bowel and urinary for over 35yrs raised a wonderful family have two fantastic grandchildren held down a good job and my wife is still with me now 45yrs and she is still my biggest supporter.

I am using a wheelchair both manual and power and yes it is hard on my wife but my wife is still standing by me.

It is difficult I know for both of us this is not what I expected married life to be.
My wife has helped me in every way and never complains unless I get depressed then she gets mad at me not for my problems but for being depressed.

Like bruce bolt said “In sickness or in health richer or poorer” we took those vows and if it was my wife that was sick I would do the same for her.

Lyle