www.incontinentsupport.org

Dating
Has anyone ever thought about posting something on a dating sight that says Incontinent looking for someone in the same situation or at least an understanding friend. You might be surprised There are many people out there in your situation that maybe feel the same as you do.
Just a thought...........................Sandy

I agree with moonlightavalanche. Diapers are a positive thing in my life because they save my mattress, my clothes, my car, and they save me from embarassment. I can work and go to school and get on with my day and nobody is the wiser that I wear diapers. I wear abena Xplus and extra's (M3 and M4) that are supplied by the VA.

This question is such a double edged sword. "Are Diapers a positive thing in your life?" Where would I/we be if we didn't wear diapers? The obvious answer is I would be a recluse. Who could go out knowing you are going to embarass your self? I imagine that the depression form the wetting/smell/loneliness would dirve you totaly mad. What type of life would you have? Who would want to be near you - out or in? Who could live that way? I could not. Then there is the embarasment, anxiety and frustration and yes depression of having to wear diapers in order to be at all social. There is no choice in the matter really. Maybe my own personal situation because of the Prostate surgery leaving me both incontinent and impotent at 56 adds to all this. Loosing my wife at 51 stole my true means of support. Loosing your life partner - according to all the psycology-is the single most traumatic event you can experience. Those of you who have a good relationship/marriage/partner are so fortunate that you may not truley understand how that fact is so enormious. Yes Yes we deal with our life now with diapers allowing us to "get ou"t and do most if not all the things that we could not imagine doing without wearing Diapers. If most are honest - it still bothers the hell out of you. That confidence of a fresh dry diaper on as we head out the door crumbles as the "wetness indicator" starts to disapear. AND we have no choice in the matter. We HAVE to wear Diapers! So is it a positive thing? Only in that the alternative is unthinkable. un bearable and really undoable. We are trapped against our will and that can be such a head game. I have asked myself over and over - is this a life? It is of course but not one we find easy. We could never really see our family, friends, or work or play without Diapers. They allow us that "freedom" of being able to seem "normal"....
Sandy, I could not even imagine "going public" and posting on a normal dating site the fact I am Incontinent - if I ever was inclined to do such a thing which I can't imagine doing. With a world full of "alternative life styles" who knows what it could lead to? No thank you. I am also deeply private. I do not have your wonderful attitude - which having your so wonderful husband helps you have. I go on, at least presently, because i have 2 sons and 3 grandchildren. But even they at times can not off set the feelings of "why go on?" Thank you all for the support and advice - it helps - some. Papa

One thing I think we all forget once in a while is that diapers are a coping/management method, not the problem. I am a social person. Diapers and taking steps to manage odor were a blessing after hiding in my home for about a year. Do I worry about what others think? I used to every time I left my house. Nobody has said anything if they did notice so I don't worry about that much now. It still crosses my mind now and again but not enough to drive me back into my cave. Finding a place to get changed is much less of a challenge than going back home to get dry cloths every couple of minutes.

Sure its not all roses and fluffy clouds. It's still a blessing in my life and I'm not going to let the negatives drag me back down to where I was before.

Doug

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When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.

It take time to adjust and learn the best way to mange being incon. The first step is finding the right type of protection. Once you've mastered the proper protection, then there is odor control, and the mental acceptance of being incon and using some type of protection,......for many that means wearing diapers. I'm double incon and I don't have a second thought about going any where only because I have the self confidence that my incon will not be noticed by others nor will I become embarrassed while I am around other people. This type of self confidence doesn't come over night and one must experience several different type of situations before you reach a level of comfort about being incon and wearing a diaper while around other people. I can recall the feeling of not wanting to be around other people or go any place because I was incon. It take time to build one's self confidence and fourms such as this to learn how other cope with this handicape. Being incon is very much a learning process. I don't care how long someone has been incon they don't know all the answers and what works for one person may not work for someone else but there are several common denominators regardless of the type of incon a person may have.

Many people become incon over night due to injury. There are LOT of mental and physical adjustments to have to be made before a person is able to move forward so becoming educated about coping with incontinence is very much a learning process all of which takes time and the best socurce of information I have found is talking to other people that are also incon. There are still a lot of people (older folks) that don't own a PC so their only means of moral support comes from family and friends, but lacks the level of understanding that you get by talking to anther person that is also incon. Just a few thoughts worth thinking about.

At first I was VERY resentful of diapers and being made to wear 24/7. My parents didn't lovingly put me in diapers, but was more reactionary. They viewed my wetting with punishment and used diapers to embarrass me by making me use them 24/7 with clothing that didn't hide them. Back when I was a kid, once the pamper was on, removing the tapes destroyed the diaper and so my parents wouldn't take them off unless they were used. Once I got used to going in them, I figured out how much easier it was for me. I totally stopped holding it and actually relaxed and became agree spirited happy kid. Once we figured out I have spinal damage to the L5-S1, my parents and friends were supportive and understanding. The downside was that, it was now a lifetime thing because my back was not fixed and it had been too long with no bladder control. Outside of being picked on from school and occasionally friends, I didn't mind the diapers. With age and years, I totally became open with people and coworkers. I am like open about my condition and most people know about my back and bladder problems/diapers. Overall, diapers have been very positive compared to the leaking and wet beds I went through.

I will chime in again.I to was resentful of diapers at frist but later relaxed instead of always tight and worring about accidents.The diapers are alway a night companion and also use alot during the day when out but just bullied up and go to the gym several times a week and also play softball and don't care about what others might think about me.

With the weather being cold, going to the gym means I now have to change clothes there. Before, I could wear my shorts and tee shirt there, but now it's too cold. Plus after working out I get cold from damp tee shits. Now I have to change at the gym...here's the downside. The lockerroom is one big area with benches and no privacy. I am hoping no one notices my diaper when i switch into shorts and tee shirt! I am still shy about the diapers but have no choice.

When I was actively involved in a gym, I would change into my clothes before exiting the shower stall .

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- Tom

When I was doing pool therapy I would change in a toilet stall. It was not an issue and nobody ever commented about it.

Doug

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When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.