www.incontinentsupport.org

Support for dealing with incontinence
It is currently Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:12 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 63 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 7:20 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2011 2:56 am
Posts: 37
I understand how you feel Charlie. It still has not fully hit home with me. This morning I messed up a diaper and thought to my self "I really had no control, and if I had not had my diaper It would have been so embaressing." It was honestly beyond my control, and this is a part of life. I have often felt guilt. But I really wet and soil myself and have no control. Yes this is really happening to me. I dream of a cure. I really soil and wet my self beyond my control. I am incontinent! I really do wet my bed. And I still have issues accepting this.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 11, 2012 5:53 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2012 7:33 pm
Posts: 31
On a practical level I have accepted this: if I want to preserve my dignity I wear a diaper. On an emotional level I am still frustrated. I hope to meet someone, get married, and start a family someday. But I wrestle with how to tell my family, let alone a date or a potential mate, without the risk of public humiliation.

I chat online with a few guys who are in the same boat. We simply don't date because it is too hard to talk about diapers to a date, or even imagine the next step--getting intimate. I read a study that predicted most single guys who are incontinent don't date because of this. I would rather not be one of these statistics. I know what would help me--learning how other diapered guys prepare for and deal with intimate moments--but so far I have been unable to find many experienced guys willing to talk about this.

I understand it is a sensitive issue. When I first became incon I found a PDF guide online that basically outlined the pros and cons of diaper styles and types, how to deal with rashes, why plastic pants can be helpful, etc. It was very helpful to me in making the 24/7 transition. My hope is to put together a similar guide of helpful relationship topics for incon people and perhaps publish it online so that maybe other people dealing with this issue will have a better way of acclimating to a diaper-wearing lifestyle.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 1:20 pm 
Offline
moderator

Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 11:32 pm
Posts: 716
Location: Wisconsin
This may sound stupid but did you ever try just going on Craigslist and posting something like. "Incontinent male seeks understanding female for friendship or more" Hey you have to know that there is plenty of females out there that have the same problem as you do. More then likely have the same fears as you also. On another note from what I've read more Females tend to have incontinent issues then men. There use to be a site called "Diaper Crush" it's a dating site for those who wear diapers. I stumbled into it once upon a time :roll: Granted it tends to cater to the AB/DL community? But hey what the heck it maybe worth a try......................Sandy :)


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 10:04 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2012 7:33 pm
Posts: 31
Not a stupid idea, but I never thought of it. I haven't ever done dating via a personals ad or craigslist. Thanks for the idea Sandy


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Sep 03, 2013 3:08 pm 
Offline

Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2006 4:25 pm
Posts: 142
I was very lucky to be married when incontinence flared up but could't get my mind around it for yrs dealing with wet underwear and accidents. I begain using diapers and that saved alot of face. I now go on about my way and yes the diapers are a constant reminder.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2013 7:05 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Apr 18, 2011 11:46 am
Posts: 21
Dear Sandy and all:
I appreciate your help always! I have been incontinent for about 17 years and it is helpful to follow others advise I get here.
I am 57 so when I started needing diapers there was not as much information available without internet sites. I wear Molicare during the day and cloth and plastic pants at night. (I do have some plastic pants with patterns, I don't know why it matters as they are never visible, but I do like the variety) It is not too much of a problem getting used to it.
Also have been greatly helped with the Abriform products they do very well.
Tom


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 6:44 am 
Offline
moderator

Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2004 4:42 am
Posts: 471
Location: New England
Acceptance is a key thing with managing incontinence, there is no doubt about that.

And, while there are various management means, diapers are far and away the most often "tool" used as they are readily available and, for most, quite effective. But accepting diapers is difficult ..... yes, diaper stigma is still there. Still the thinking that diapers are only for babies and old people ...... which is bunk, of course.

As people have posted already, once they tried diapers and found they really did handle their leakage issues, then life could go on ...... in a pretty much normal fashion.

But denial is a large part of many people's make up and denial that there is a leaking problem leads to the on going problems with wet pants, wet furniture, car seats, beds and so on. I have to hand to Ron for his Sep 3rd post where he said he struggled for years before he began using diapers. And while he is right that diapers are a constant reminder .... that is also a mind game and we can try to see diapers as just another type of underwear, and it so happens they are the type of underwear we need to keep our wetting problem our own business and go about life without worry of embarrassment.

I will never forget a neighbor woman that was a good friend and we'd go out together with other friends and enjoy a meal and other social outings. Gradually she starting making excuses for not going out. Turns out she had developed a "problem making it to the toilet on time". And so, she opted NOT to go out anymore! To stay home and live in a self imposed prison. And you know the worst part of this story? She knew I was incon and I wore diapers all the time. We were close enough friends that I had confided that to her some time back. One would think ..... even expect ..... that she would at least try a diaper (knowing that I depended on diapers to let me go out in the world) but absolutely not. I never could understand that!

So, Sandy has a great thread with the "Acceptance Issue" as it is certainly two pronged! One is accepting that you have a problem and it's not going to go away and you are subject to public humiliation. And Two is accepting what you need to do about it. As I said, diapers are the most common and practical approach .... but accepting diapers may be harder than accepting any of the other options in spite of their usual superiority in handling the leaking issue.

Let me throw out two great blogs to visit: one is a 30 something single dad raising a youngster <diaperdad.weebly.com> and the other is another 30 something mother with three daughters who discusses on-going bed wetting <bedwettingmom.wordpress.com>

I think both of these sites are a great inspiration showing that others have accepted the problem and accepted diapers and are sharing their thoughts out in the bright light of the internet!

JoeK


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Sep 20, 2013 8:43 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 1:29 pm
Posts: 120
As always Joe... very well said


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Nov 15, 2013 8:35 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Nov 15, 2013 6:31 am
Posts: 71
I guess for me it has taken about a year from the first signs of my incontinence to where I am now and being comfortable with wearing protection and being among friends and family. I am very fortunate to have a very understanding wife who tells me it isn't a problem as far as she is concerned.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 6:12 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2014 3:46 am
Posts: 273
Location: UK
I have yet to reach the point of acceptance however reading JoeK post and others here is a great help.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 63 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group