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Support for dealing with incontinence
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 11:51 am 
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Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2013 4:30 pm
Posts: 381
Location: PA - US
CJ, I think if you can deal with incontinence and telling people you can deal with dating. If things get serious you can tell her then too and see how it goes from there. You can do it.

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2015 5:36 am 
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Joined: Fri May 17, 2013 8:10 pm
Posts: 65
Location: Denmark
Ok, new problem starting to emerge.....

In a month time I’ll be going on a trip with some old friends from when we studied at university, we have an annual gathering, and this year the proposal is to go on a trip in a canoe and afterwards in the evening having dinner back home at one of my friends house.

None of the friends I’m going with on this trip, knows I’m struggling with incontinence and that I wear diapers.

And to be honest I’m really torn whether I should tell them about my problem, reveal I struggle with incontinence issues meaning I wet myself numerous times during the day and because of that have to wear diapers….and even more I fear their reactions if they find out that I’m wearing, without me telling them. Nevertheless I really feel embarrassed about it and actually are considering saying no to the canoo thing.

Despite I have handled my issues for a close to two years now with being back in diapers and are starting to accept and in some sense appreciate diapers as a mean to carry on living, events like this can really stress me out in a way I hoped I was clear off by now, but no. Even when travelling on business trips when I carry supplies I know how to deal with it, but here in the open with people I’m kind off close to….I can’t help but thinking about their reactions about me, how they will see me in the future etc.

Usually when I meet with these guys, we are located in either of our houses and that gives me the freedom to go change in a discreet location, without them knowing a thing. However sailing for close to a whole day means there’s no discreet places to go change. Which means I’ll either have to wear a thick diaper which adds a lot of bulkiness or change frequently or risk soaking pants. Neither of the options from my perspective seems attractive to me.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2015 3:35 pm 
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Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2014 11:45 am
Posts: 1836
NotTheAverageMan,

To tell or not to tell can be a difficult decision. I decided to tell our neighbors both as a preemptive move and as the opportunity to take advantage of a teachable moment. Kimberly-Clark advertisements and commercials indicate that tens of millions of adults in the USA must deal with incontinence. It is coming out of the closet, big time. If you decide to tell your friends, preemptively, before or during your trip, try to see it as just another nail in the coffin of misplaced modesty and screwed-up priorities. Embarrassed? Yes indeed. But think of all of yesterday's embarrassing medical conditions, such as cancer, which was once only discussed, if at all, in hushed tones and away from children. God luck.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2015 3:46 pm 
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Joined: Sun Oct 20, 2013 3:45 pm
Posts: 1943
Location: North Carolina - Raleigh area
NottheAverageMan,

That is a tough decision to have to make. I too have some old and close friends whom I have not yet told about my incontinence. However, now that I am living closer to them and expect to have more joint activities, I am sure that I shall have to do so.

The important thing is that they are your friends. They like and accept you. It would be very difficult to conceal your incontinence on such an outing. Better that you tell them than having them discover it for themselves. I expect that they will be very accepting and respect your being there in such a situation despite your incontinence.

Although it may be awkward, you know that you really have nothing to be embarrassed about. :D

--John


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2015 4:22 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 03, 2014 8:08 pm
Posts: 480
Location: York, Maine
I'm relatively new to incontinence.......just my $.02 I would worry that the canoe would tip over and I'd end up in the water in my diaper.......personally, I'd skip the canoeing......I would definitely meet with the guys afterward.....that's just me being careful. This condition has certainly slowed me down quite a bit.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2015 12:56 pm 
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Joined: Sat Sep 05, 2015 7:51 pm
Posts: 863
Location: Hampton Roads, Virginia
Yikes, I am Johnny Come Lately to this party, but the only family who know are my wife and mother. My mom knows because she was involved when we had the cancer scare during the testing for all of this. Plus, my wife and my mom helped me file my VA claim and so are aware of more than most wives and mothers. I would assume that my mom told my dad, but if so it isn't talked about. To my knowledge, nobody else in the family knows. Our babysitter, however, is aware because she got extra helpful and folded our laundry one day and found one of the onesies I tried last winter to prevent sagging and tape popping. As for how I feel about it becoming more well known, I honestly don't know.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2015 12:28 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2015 9:20 pm
Posts: 155
I keep my urinary issues- very private except to my doctor. I really don't feel comfortable with other people finding out.
I worry to death that they won't respect me and will look down on me or something - idk.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2015 1:59 pm 
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Joined: Sat Sep 05, 2015 7:51 pm
Posts: 863
Location: Hampton Roads, Virginia
kdlstar wrote:
I keep my urinary issues- very private except to my doctor. I really don't feel comfortable with other people finding out.
I worry to death that they won't respect me and will look down on me or something - idk.


Me too, which is why I am always asking the wife if she can tell if I am diapered. She always says no, and I keep asking... I guess it has almost become a tradition? :?

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When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2016 6:40 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2015 11:49 am
Posts: 890
Location: Jacksonville Fl
My immediately family all knows. Most don't understand or know the details, all are supportive none the less. I met my best friend of 15+ years through the old DFP website. I told my (then) girlfriend I was incontinent when we were dating, and inspite of that we got married almost 15 years ago. One of my coworkers knows, but he also sits the closest to me and was concerned about the marathon surgeries I was recently going through that left me almost unable to sit (4 sphincterotomies in just over 1 year).


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2016 8:40 am 
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Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 4:30 pm
Posts: 115
Location: FI
I've told a few friends, but not my parents. Although my mom has similar issues, I don't feel comfortable telling them about my OAB and bad day need of protection. Stupid, of course, but I am really conscious about my health when around my parents.

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