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Support for dealing with incontinence
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 5:00 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 02, 2007 8:51 pm
Posts: 18
To the best of my knowledge, only my wife, our daughter and my parents are aware of my incontinence. I am very discrete in how I deal with my incontinence. I do carry a backpack with diapers and plastic pants in case I need to change while I am out and about, but nobody has ever said anything. I suppose people don't notice or they are too polite to say anything.

My wife is very accomodating and supportive, and my daughter is more curious and amused than anything else. While children know what a diaper looks like, most of them are unfamiliar with plastic pants. Since I wear plastic pants over my disposable diapers, on the rare occasion that my daughter sees my while I am still dressing, she sees the plastic pants and not the diaper. She does know that I wear diapers and has seen the diapers in the closet, but the subject is handled in a matter-of-fact way and isn't much of an issue. I am more uncomfortable with the situation than she is.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 3:15 am 
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Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2009 7:00 pm
Posts: 27
Location: Arizona
Well, initially it was devastating to me. I was really embarrassed about it, and I basically became a hermit in my own home. Not that I wasn't much of a home body to begin with, I was, but I cut out a lot of my trips into town, stopped going out to my car club meetings and car shows, and even out to dinner with my family. Basically, I only went to and from the doctors offices and hospitals. My problems began in '03 after my second back surgery, and if you've ever been split open in the back, you know how painful that can be. I was on a lot of morphine for the pain. I began to have night time accidents shortly after the surgery, but I had thought it was just because I was on meds and sleeping really hard, (I also had to use sleeping pills to get any sleep because of my sleep apnea). I finally bought some Depends to control the problem, but soon realized that just one of them wasn't enough. I had to use at least 3 at a time to contain everything, and even then, it was no guarantee against leakage, and the addition of plastic pants was only a little better. Night time leakage soon became daytime leakage. By the time I went to see my primary care doc, I had lost all control, and I was as embarrassed as I could be, but I went at my wife's insistance. I was sent to a urologist for some tests, and they discovered that I had what they described as a neurogenic bladder with overflow incontinence. Great!!! Just what I needed now. NOT!!

Anyway,this was about 5 or 6 months after the surgery, and they told me that I had waited too long and that it was not likely that I would regain control at this point. It wasn't long after that that I also began having bowel accidents. The urologist had me doing self cathing to control the leakage, and that was only about half effective, and it hurt like hell, even with the lidocaine jell. So after almost a year I guess of that, I gave up on it. I was having bowel accidents on a regular basis by then with no warning and no control, so I figured that if I had to wear a diaper for that, why not just pee in it as well.

I was fired from my job just 10 months after that fateful surgery too. My boss discovered that I was on pain meds and told me privately that he didn't approve, and that was why he was letting me go. He also explained that I was costing him too much on his health insurance policy, since I had had 3 surgeries while in his employ already, and I was transported out of the business by ambulance twice for my back. I was a "liability" to him. How nice huh? I was off work on disability for 8 months after the surgery, so I was only back to work for 2 short months when I got the axe. I was able to hide the diapers at that time pretty well, even with wearing 3 Depends at a time. How nobody ever found out I'm not sure, or if they did, thankfully they never said anything. To be honest, at the time I was really upset about losing my job, but after about 3 or 4 years of reflection on it, I realized that he did me a favor. I was far too stressed out there, and I was killing myself with all the overtime trying to do the work of 3 people. ( He believed in short staffing to save money, and being in management, I was on salary).

About a year after all of this began, I switched to cloth diapers and plastic pants too. The disposables were just not good enough for my liking, I had multiple leaks of both types, and that made a big mess of things. Once I switched and found that the cloth was a far superior product, it gave me a much greater peace of mind, and more confidence out in public too.

After 6 years of this now, I'm a lot less concerned with what others will think if they see my diapers, and I'm a lot more confident as well. I now go everywhere with my backpack/diaper bag, with all of my supplies for two changes if needed.

My wife of course knows all about this problem and has been a God send to me. She doesn't have anything to do with my diapers though, I do everything, the washing, the drying, the changing, the buying, everything. It's my problem and I don't expect her to have to deal with it, although I'm sure she would do it if she would have to. Actually, she has taken care of the laundry when I've had subsequent surgeries, for which I'm very greatful to her.

My 17 year old son knows now too, although initially I had tried to keep it from him. He was only 11 at the time it all began, and I wasn't sure he would understand what had happened to me. But it was just too difficult to hide for long, and he's a bright kid, so we told him all about it about 8 months after it began I guess it was. He took it hard, and was really worried about me, but he's used to seeing me in my diapers now and it doesn't bother him.

I do have a few friends that know now as well. It was hard to keep it from them whenever I would see them, since it was almost obvious whenever I would have a BM accident and have to leave suddenly. They all have been very supportive to me and even have offered to help me out with things around the house or with our vehicles because of my back condition, knowing that it's very difficult for me at times to do stuff. My wife has talked to them at length about it and explained what all has happened, and they still want to be friends! Can you believe that? LOL!!!
Seriously though, I've got to say that I've got some really good friends. They're very understanding and sincerely concerned for me. I couldn't ask for better friends.

As for other members of my family, my only sibling, my younger brother knows, and is ok with it. My mother knew before she passed away, and my father would have known, but he passed away only a month after I had my surgery. And I have an aunt and uncle that came to my mother's funeral, so they know now too.

All of my doctors are aware of the problem, and are very supportive too. I literally have a dozen doctors, to include my dentist and his hygenist, that know of my problem. Since 2001, I have had 8 surgeries for various things, only 4 of them were on my back.

So all in all, I would have to say that incontinence has really changed my life, not necessarilly for the better either. But I've come out stronger for it, although there were some times that I thought I would be better off dead. Fortunately, I wasn't sucessful at achieving that goal. (That's another long, sad story. Best forgotten).

Rick


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 12:37 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2008 12:33 pm
Posts: 1512
Location: MI
Rick, a true friend..a real TRUE friend will accept you regarless of any incontinence problem. Same goes for spouses/girlfriends/siginficant others. If they truly love you.. its not an issue. We are much more..SO much more than our incontience. Believe me, it has cut into my self esteem too.. but i realize.. hey, im still the same old me that i was when i wore underwear.. a fond memory now..or not-so-fond depending how you look at it (since they were often damp or wet). Really, the only thing different about us is we wear different underwear and have to change them more often than everybody else. That's IT. we still need friends, we still have hopes and dreams, we still fall in love. We are NOT babies. I've said this a thousand times.. and ill say it again.. diapers do not make one a baby. And they dont make you any less worthy of love or affection.

Anyway.. I know you will do will in all you try to do rick. You seem to have adjusted quite well to your situation..better than I. While i have accepted the idea of incontinence, i still cringe at the idea of it being for life.. especially since the docs dont know whats going on. ive seen 2 uroloigsits and 2 neurologist and none have given me concrete answers..best theyve come up with is i dont empty all the way... :roll: :roll: but they cant explain the episodes that manifest as urge.. :oops: :roll: :roll: As far as solution..the best thing the uro has come up with is going off the meds, and doing pelvic relaxation therapy. Well, i have not had the opportunity to do the therapy with my busy schedule this past sumer, and the med review hasnt done anything. I still wet daily, and often and am wet if i try to go longer than 2 hours between bathroom visits. that isnt contience to me.

Keep your chin up..and keep living the good life.. :D

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"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:59 am 
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Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2009 7:00 pm
Posts: 27
Location: Arizona
sociologygeek wrote:
Rick, a true friend..a real TRUE friend will accept you regarless of any incontinence problem. Same goes for spouses/girlfriends/siginficant others. If they truly love you.. its not an issue. We are much more..SO much more than our incontience. Believe me, it has cut into my self esteem too.. but i realize.. hey, im still the same old me that i was when i wore underwear.. a fond memory now..or not-so-fond depending how you look at it (since they were often damp or wet). Really, the only thing different about us is we wear different underwear and have to change them more often than everybody else. That's IT. we still need friends, we still have hopes and dreams, we still fall in love. We are NOT babies. I've said this a thousand times.. and ill say it again.. diapers do not make one a baby. And they dont make you any less worthy of love or affection.

Anyway.. I know you will do will in all you try to do rick. You seem to have adjusted quite well to your situation..better than I. While i have accepted the idea of incontinence, i still cringe at the idea of it being for life.. especially since the docs dont know whats going on. ive seen 2 uroloigsits and 2 neurologist and none have given me concrete answers..best theyve come up with is i dont empty all the way... :roll: :roll: but they cant explain the episodes that manifest as urge.. :oops: :roll: :roll: As far as solution..the best thing the uro has come up with is going off the meds, and doing pelvic relaxation therapy. Well, i have not had the opportunity to do the therapy with my busy schedule this past sumer, and the med review hasnt done anything. I still wet daily, and often and am wet if i try to go longer than 2 hours between bathroom visits. that isnt contience to me.

Keep your chin up..and keep living the good life.. :D



Thanks SG,

You're right, and I think a lot of us seem to forget this, that just because we're wearing a diaper, it doesn't make us a baby. I think that other people need to realize that too. This "stigma" that has been instilled in all of our brains since early childhood has clouded our thinking. We still think of a diaper as being on a baby, something only a baby would wear, only, and that there isn't any other reason to wear one.
Too bad, so sad!!! Welcome to reality!!!

Unfortunately, there are places and people out there that perpetuate that thinking, the AB/DL community for example.
I'm not one to deny anyone their little "kinks", we all have them I'm sure to some extent, but when they go out of their way to make it public, it only harms those of us caught in this situation.

Sorry for jumpng on my soapbox there. Sometimes I get a thought in my head and I've got to let it out. But am I right here, or am I way off base?


Don't give up on trying to find the reason for your problem SG, someone will figure it out. You just need to find that person. And good luck in your search, I hope it doesn't take years like it has for a lot of the others on here.

You're very right about the love and support of family too. I'm very glad mine has been so helpful and caring. If it wasn't for them, I probably wouldn't be here now. I was that depressed about it. Now, with the help of a lot of good people on sites such as this, I'm ok with my situation. And you're right, like I've heard from a bunch of people, diapers are just another form of underwear.

Thanks for your response.

Rick

_________________
Some people say I have drain bamage because I'm always getting my mords wixed up! But you know dislexics are teople poo!!
And one day when I stop hurting I'll feel better too!


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 3:39 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2009 12:17 pm
Posts: 234
Location: Iowa
I have been incontinent since 1998 due to injuries suffered in an accident. My 4 children know about my incontinence but the subject really never comes up in conversation. My father knows but doesn't quite understand the severity of it. A former employer knows and my girlfriend knows. My girlfriend is so understanding. So much so that she now makes all my diapers for me as she is really into sewing and quilting. I would imagine that a few of my closest friends also know but they haven't said anything to me. I would rather keep the whole incontinece issue as low key as possible. I am not embarrassed because I am incontinent. I just wish to keep it as private as possible. My girlfriend is so good about the whole thing. She reminds me to wear protection when I am out and about and when I am dozing off in front of the TV. She makes sure I am wearing a diaper when it is time for bed. Sometimes I am so tired that I just want to crawl into bed and not take the time to put on a diaper.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 2:58 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 14, 2009 3:08 pm
Posts: 16
Location: Kentucky
Most incons will say their lives have been impacted by their problem. I was born in 1947 in a time when children were supposed to be "trained by two".When that didn't happen the war was on, and my bladder was the enemy my mother took my lack of control as lazyness on my part this went on for years I got more spankings that I can rememer and made to go outside in a diaper. This type of punishment was common. My father was in the army and we went to Germany, people seemed to have a little less aggreseve attitude friends got my mother to buy me "bedwetter pants" these are large baby pants, but what ever you called them they kept me dry. many older children were in diapers, some were wearing "protective pants' in school A lot of my German friends were still wearing "protection" at the age of 5 or 6 my parents decided that bedwetter pants wern't diapers so it was allright for me to wear them. Call them what ever you want wearing diapers made my life liveable my son was a wetter until the age of 9, he wore diapers every night until he decided to stop, he was never spanked or shamed in any way.


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 Post subject: diapers have helped me
PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 3:13 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 14, 2009 3:08 pm
Posts: 16
Location: Kentucky
due to the shame I was raised with I spent a lot of time hiding the fact I wear diapers. what a waste of time.
I came to know most people don't care what you wear. I am not a diaper activist but I don't try to hide, a lot of people know I wear diapers.
The few dollars I spend on plastic pants, or on the mcguire urinals I wear is well spent.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 3:01 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:47 pm
Posts: 61
Location: NC
My family knows. I'm disabled and dont work or get out much. I need nursing care & help from a homecare nurse. My mother , sister & husband all help as well. Others know. I try to keep it as private as possible.


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 Post subject: friend
PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 3:00 pm 
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Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2009 4:08 pm
Posts: 5
Location: WA
My Family knows of my multiple sclerosis, my parents know of my incontinence, but the one person i told first is my bestest friend in the entire world. I believe she is an Angel send by God. She has been amazing for me, she always encourages me and tells me that being incontinent doesnt defy who i am. I try to keep it to only a select few to protect myself, but i am not sure if this is the smart thing to do.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:42 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 10, 2010 2:03 pm
Posts: 780
Location: U.S.
My wife and parents know. As do my in-laws. Everyone is supportive of my incontinence. Nobody has ever said a word to me about my incon problems. I carry a small draw string backpack with supplies on a daily basis. I also told my school disability resource center. They provide accomodations at my university. But the people who know I wear diapers at school is very limited. It is priveledged information that only a couple people know. Everyday school employees and professors don't know about it. Other than that, just my doctors know. Its really quite simple.


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