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Support for dealing with incontinence
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PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 12:18 am 
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Location: Valencia, Spain
Hi everybody,
it´s an interesting subject to discuss, and I share some of the opinions posted and also diferr from others, but anyway, here I go with my humble point of view.
First of all of course this is a supporting site for IC persons, and each one of us has a personal opinion about the ABDL thing. In most sites like this one some of them disturb, bother, lie and make offensive and stupid comments, that´s true. But there is also between them serious and sensible persons that if behave as such kind of empathy and respect I don´t think they must be directly banned just for the fact of having that fetish. Besides, that´s not a meeting couples site but in the case that someone meets a person in the net and finish having an affair I don´t see it so bad, for example, let´s imagine I have a fetish with blond girls, if I meet one in the internet and after years finish marrying her anyone would have the absurd idea that I married that woman just ´cause I like blonde chicks? It´d be a bit surrealistic don´t ya think? Of course that just for intimacy I´d love that she´s blonde but never have married someone for the only fact that she is got a hair coloured like my fetish! Because to marry someone is for having found an actually wonderful person that fits you and her and love yourselves as familiy, couple and best friend, that´s for me the meaning of marriage. And I say this because I have a female friend in wheelchair for an L3 paraplejia and fond a guy who was devotee (the disabled fetisH) and are married now and she´s waiting a kid! I mean the fetish were the prime reason to begin they relationship but has it resulted a bad thing? In my opinion it hasn´t. The same I think if some of us meet here a man or women not IC but respectful clever and honest and sincere, why banning him just for that without knowing nothing about hin and how he really is? I defend just the few abdl´s sensible and polite, all the others I´m 100% favor to not letting even write a single post without a simple personality test to prove that he is nit a BAD APPLE.

About the nicknames, mine is Lord Duque (Duque is in spanish the title of Duke but is my nickname since school and all my schoolmates call this way, so if it´s not my name it´s my real life nickname) and the avatar is the logo of a spanish film called mutant action that consisted in a terrorist band of disabled people that make their attacks to beautyful people and gymnasts with muscles as vengeance to the society that betrayed them (that´s why the logo is red star with disabled wheelchaired person but showing up his arms with a Kalashnikov) and I think it should be the symbol of all the disabled who are insatisfied and fight to improve our situation, and if not listened with words, so listened with ACTION!!! Apart I wouldn´t be ashamed at all to be called by my real name: Fernando. Cause I don´t hide my condition except if it´s for diputing a job, or something where I know that wearing diapers can mean a disadvantage (and i hate doing that) my close friends (males & females) know and if someone prefers not to be friend because I wear nappies I like to know it as soon as possible because If I hide it and when the other realizes quits it´s absurd, specially because a person who chooses a friendship just for the wearing of diapers of the friend is a indesirable miserable guy, and I prefer to know it as soon as I know him because if he cares and diapers is most important of my persona whole and all I could offer? Better to show diaper the 1 day, because if he is too important that he can´t go with anyone diapered, that´s the time to know cause I don´t wan´t a nazi. When you are a kid is hard, and I wetted bed till 16-17 (and I knew then that with that age a half stops before eighteen and the other half....will keep wetting and using diapers for all life) and it´s when I knew that the 1% that wets at 18 wets during the rest of their life. Well I mean my first sexual expiriences were at my 13, 14 years at night, with a diaper adult and mostly wet. I becaome very empathic with incontinence and some D/L but not too important. and 7 years ago car accident, L4,L-5 & L4-5 . then no walk, 6 months to recover, both kinds of IC. And know I walk almost normally the fecal incontinence just happens 2 or 3 times a month, and ok.
Rope wrench is a very diplomatic guy, Baby Brian as very cooperative, respects others words, comments things importants :wink: and always with the most refinated politeness.

So. internet is anonymous, incontinent people talks of this here for knowing that it´s bettween us people with the social tabu of having protection, I personally wouldn´t have problems to let me know with my realname but I can understand that some people does it for fear of beinng recongnised, but in the other hand there are the wicked obseded guys whom is better.

I expect to have exposed a point of view enriching for all of you and talking the matter we share is a pleasure and hope that it´s been utile to someone, for me that´s more than enough.

My best regards to rope wrench, baby Brian, dp66 and all of you! :wink: Until the next time!

Lord Duque

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CARPE DIEM ET QUAM MINIMUM CREDULA POSTERO


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 8:24 am 
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Wow. Super xenophobic.

Rope, you called out Brian by name. You opened the door for him to respond about his ab/dl tendencies, and then banned him when he did (almost seems like you were baiting him). People here keep harping about how they don't want to hear about adult baby stuff, then they keep bringing it up.

Really uncool.

I'm a moderator on a couple of internet forums, and where I come from, moderation is supposed to be impartial. We go by the site mission, but avoid interjecting personal bias into moderation decisions. That doesn't seem to be the case here.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 10:39 am 
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Thanks for your input, MSUSpartan. You wrote on May 14, 2016:

Quote:
In general, I think Brian is pretty poor at compartmentalizing his sexual proclivities, and keeping them out of his posts (and I've called him on it before), but I haven't sensed anything overly malicious or aggressive about his public posts.

Your very articulate post expresses what made so many here very uncomfortable. This forum is a safe space to discuss a sensitive medical issue. Preserving that safety does require moderators to proscribe certain kinds of activity. I appreciate your having "called out" the user in question when he crossed the line of acceptable conduct. As you observed, he crossed that line many, many times. I think the moderators here have acted as professionally and impartially in banning him as you did in calling him out.

Noe


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 1:34 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jun 23, 2013 10:22 pm
Posts: 434
Location: Western North Carolina
*****DISCLAIMER****** RANT AHEAD*******

I have tried to keep personal feelings out of what I am doing here but I feel like I'm keep getting attacked because I don't share certain members point of view. I'm done keeping my mouth shut. Spartan, you want to know why Brian got banned, here it is, Brian is a incontinent person that loves his fetish and gets off pushing it whenever he got the chance. I was gone for a long while and can guarantee you that if I was here when he joined, it would not have gone anywhere as far as it did. Brian was a master of knowing where the line was and going one step more to get a rise out of people. If you look at the original premise of this thread you would see that what I was saying was I understood that fetish people were not necessarily bad people and they shouldn't have a voice here but if that was your thing, keep it to yourself. There was no point in telling anyone you did that and you enjoyed it. That's their business. As far as baiting Brian, maybe I did. What I was more trying to do was extend a rope to him to try to climb out of the hole he was digging. Instead, Brian chose to tie that rope around his neck and dare someone to push him off. Well, we all see how that ended for him. Brian not only chimed in with his thoughts but went so far are to suggest that it was biology and something he was born with. I call bull shit on that garbage. He went so far to say that not only myself but everyone here needed to accept his logic on this and accept him as he was born. Truth is Brian has some very major psychological issues. He feels so guilty about his fetish, and it is a fetish that in his head, if it is something in his biology then it's not his fault. He is trying to cope with something in his past and this train of thought has him hiding from his real problems. Oh and before you try to paint a picture that Brian is a victim of intolerance, Google his old screen name. You will find where he was banned from a fetish site for attacking people for not agreeing with his point of view on being an adult baby. There something to say when those people are tired of your crap too.
Spartan, if you want to leave because of drama, that is your choice. Sounds like you have a couple of other internet forums to go to and I wish you the best. Personally, I will hate to see you go if for no other reason then you were part of the original Depend family that migrated here a few years ago.
If you feel so strongly about me being a bad moderator, might I suggest making a new thread and start a petition to have me removed as a mod or flat out banned. The way I see things, if my personal views were so off the mark, then the administrator here would not have asked me to help keep this site what it is, a forum focused on the support and encouragement of those suffering with true incontinence problems.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 2:33 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 27, 2017 12:26 am
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I personally haven't seen any of Brian's posts about this stuff, but let me just share something.
I didn't really have much of an online presence, I was in a support group which was pretty private for amputees. We discussed daily problems struggles and helped people through things as much as we could. Shortly after I introduced myself this guy messaged me, looking for a "relationship" and just having like a stalker behavior, and somehow had managed to make different accounts even though I made several reports, this guy was an amputee fetishist, and I don't know how but came after me on another side and it was kind of scary, I mean it was online and eventually his up was blocked or something. This was the first time I became aware of how I actually feel about people who find pleasure in someone's suffering. I'm not even exaggerating. And I'm not saying Brian was this kind of a person since I personally don't know what he did, but I think admin's and moderators need to be vigilant about this stuff and how do you know? He could have been just like the person I encountered...
I personally think that abdl subjects aren't rally relevant here. I've got lots of advice about products from abdl people, and I'm not saying everyone's like that, and I can handle things now. But this site has lots of people who have to deal with incontinence issues and like most of you people said it has to be a safe place for people to share/discuss things.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 3:01 pm 
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It may just be that my view of were the line should be is a bit left of the rest of the community. The way I see it, people are being very intolerant of differing views. I do think that Brian sometimes crossed the line a bit, or at least flirted with it, but it didn't seem intentional to me. It seemed more like his AB/DL stuff was intertwined in his incontinence to a degree where he couldn't separate is psychologically, and people here would get disproportionately bent out shape at the slightest mention.

In a way, the attitude here (in general, not singling anyone out) reminds me a bit of homophobia. It's like people were offended by his presence, or perhaps by previous comments, which he had already been reprimanded for, and awfully quick to jump on him. I don't know, I just started to feel bad for the guy. It seemed like he often directly, or tacitly the subject of conversation, and if he spoke up at all he would just get shouted back down.

On the other hand, I'm just one voice. Perhaps others here have been hurt more by the fetishist folks than I have, and if this is to be a safe haven then there should be a strict no adult baby policy. If that's the group policy, it's no skin off my back, I just think it should be clear.

P.S. I have to admit that I was also somewhat bent out of shape morning over an asshole on another forum I frequent. It's a group for people with clots of embolisms, and a woman was asking about alternatives for traditions hormonal birth control, that wouldn't increase her risk for clots, because she needs something to help control her endometriosis. Some asshole showed up ranting about how she just wants to be about to fuck around, and then some shit about socialist Fiat, and conservative revolution. I was definitely in a sour mood, and running high BP, when I stopped by earlier.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 10:05 pm 
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I think the relative anonymity of online communities can be both an advantage and a disadvantage. I type things here that would dismay my family; however, here, those sentiments are normal, widely shared and understood. Likewise the AB/DL subject. We live in a society of multiple stigmas, which are all changing all the time. We (I) feel the weight of the stigma relative to incontinence; I value my independence and do not wish to exacerbate the incontinence stigma with the AB/DL stigma too. However, the enormous relief I feel when my protection has saved me from a major accident in public can make me almost a diaper lover. We cannot prevent or even retard the pace of social change; we need to understand it, adapt ourselves to it, and move on.

I have a bi-lateral inner ear disease that, together with a brain tumor and a brain injury, make me walk like a drunk and fall occasionally. Stigma? You bet. Folks do not want to hire a drunk, even if his liver enzymes are perfect. I will not impose on your patience by recounting how the alcoholic stigma affected me. But it is changing. So too with incontinence and our conflict with the AB/DL community. Although we need to assert our mores and identity, we also need to be open to as wide an array of members as possible.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:52 am 
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I'm all about tolerance - when an individual's activities/core values aren't harming anyone. However, I don't consider it appropriate to post content here that isn't consistent with the needs and expectations of the majority of the members, and the intent of the forum administrator.

Neither I nor anyone else should be forced to encounter content here (or anywhere) that we don't voluntarily seek out. I get it that we take our chances as to what we'll bump into when we surf the web, but a forum that has been designated as a safe place to share coping skills relative to medical incontinence should be free from fetish content.

As I suspect has been said before, this forum is not intended as a destination for a fetishist's amusement/gratification. IMO, any content that isn't related to the day-to-day emotional and mechanical management of incontinence should not be allowed here.

W.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 2:41 pm 
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I am going to admit something very personal and controversial here, so please don't jump down my throat.
I used to have those same fetishist leanings, so when i became incontinent through no fault or action of my own i quickly realized how unsexy that situation is. Over time it got to the point where I'd read the comments of ab/dl individuals and shudder. So, I don't suffer fools when it comes to that..and Brian made me quite uncomfortable with his BS. Glad to see him gone. Thanks Rope!

Peace out!

Rob

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"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II


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