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Support for dealing with incontinence
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 Post subject: Holding back...
PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2017 5:14 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2014 12:56 pm
Posts: 105
Location: Florida
I am at the stage in my education were I could start taking jobs within my field of study which is ministry. The issue that I have found is that it would require transparency about my bed wetting issues. Why it would be and issues is that there are a lot of trip were I would be either be chaperoning youth or leading a mission group of people my age. The issue is that sharing rooms is common with these trips and as a chaperone it is expected. I know that it is something that I just need to get over and accept that it is a non issue but it scares the heck out of me as it is not something I have ever had to bring up with anyone that was not either family or medical staff.

So how do you'll deal with having to bring up this issue with those you will be working around

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 Post subject: Re: Holding back...
PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2017 9:21 am 
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Joined: Fri Jan 27, 2017 12:26 am
Posts: 110
This kind of information would be really useful to me in general terms of how do you bring up the issue if needed...
I have both bowel and bladder incontinence during the day and night. I'm still studying but this would be really useful information for when I'm finished with my degree. Since I have complete loss of control working hours will get complicated since I have frequent bowel accidents.


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 Post subject: Re: Holding back...
PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2017 9:48 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2012 11:15 am
Posts: 275
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
FlaGuy,

Do you have a trusted spiritual or professional advisor with whom you could prayerfully and discretely share your predicament and from whom you could receive good advice?


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 Post subject: Re: Holding back...
PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2017 8:37 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 10, 2010 2:03 pm
Posts: 776
Location: U.S.
I used to work medical supply at a large hospital. With my incontinence, I found it easier to just tell my supervisor about my issues. He was really nice and I got to know him first. That made it easier to manage my condition. I took Nullo for fecal odor which gave me time to find a bathroom without offending anyone. I thought it would be better to tell him being I kept disappearing to change every couple hours. If it was just urine, I would wait till lunch but as we all know, a bowel release requires an immediate change. My uniform pants were white. A leak of that sort would be terribly embarrassing. So I found it easier to just tell my supervisor. Just make sure you get to know that person before you disclose. Although the ADA does protect you.


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 Post subject: Re: Holding back...
PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2017 8:41 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2014 11:45 am
Posts: 1356
If you can, employ the services of a dietician and/or a pelvic floor physical therapist. You want to establish a bowel training program that will give you some control. This may mean regulating fluid and fiber intake, and using enemas/suppositories to make toileting as convenient as possible. Bladder incontinence is less predictable, but can be managed by using high quality disposables. Good luck and keep us informed.


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 Post subject: Re: Holding back...
PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2017 2:44 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2014 12:56 pm
Posts: 105
Location: Florida
First so happy there is a mobile friendly version of this site as or internet is down until we get our upgrade to business class with Comcast. Okay so to update. I have been an intern for over a year. I am at the point in my education where I could be taking more responsibility at church up to an actual job. The thing is that this year has been a crazy run as I am taking harder classes so I have been distant a few times with church do to school. But I have also had some issues with my stomach as well as the flu five times this past year so. The big thing is that I am almost done with school and feel like it is time to get busy with what I want to do with the rest of my life. That is going to mean being honest with everything that I go through.

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 Post subject: Re: Holding back...
PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2017 4:34 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 15, 2014 4:59 pm
Posts: 160
I know your pain to some extent as I am a priest. It had caused difficulties for me to say the least. It's ironic that I encourage people to share their struggles but I cannot share mine. ...

Given the stigma with this condition it would be hard to establish rapport with teenagers who simply do not understand issues like this right out of the gate. Of course I have correted immature laughter regarding incontinence in them and scolded boys making fun of a girl whose pad made her "look like she's wearing a diaper." As a clergyman you have one arm behind your back to begin with as you try to establish trust with individuals. Add to that, as a "celebrity" everyone both wants you to be impeccable and yet they also want to see you dragged through the mud. You're not allowed to be a normal person with normal health concerns or even normal emotional problems. You're limited to a precious few friends and trusted people that can help you deal with your own issues.

One might think it hypocritical to preach truth and yet hide a basic part of ones humanity. But the reality is, priests have tried the "buddy" method, and it has failed. That's not what people need. They need to have faith in an ideal, that their priest/Pastor can withstand the world. They need the person on the pedastol, unblemished and unfazed when he/she is ridiculed so that they can withstand the world. When the pastor is too human, your buddy, it invites all sort of human problems and allows human weaknesses to be probed more. As a minister you represent holy, Άγιος. Which when translated litterally means, "not of this earth." You don't represent yourself. You represent something bigger than yourself and so you try to take as much of "you" out of the equation. The incontinence would be a distraction. If that makes any sense...

I don't even tell my brothers my condition, which has led to some difficulties as I refuse to double book unless it cannot be helped, and during those occasions work very hard to hide everything.

Luckily for me, my OAB/ urge incontnence is managable enough for me to discreetly wear, change and dispose of. I am sure eventually it will come out, but if it does I would rather it be after I have been in the parish long enough that the people know me and judge me on my ministry and not my condition. When that happens it can be an excellent teaching moment, but before that you have the impossible dychotomy of a task of simultaneously getting people to trust you as an individual while also erasing the context of "you" from the ministry so that they see more what you represent than the flawed person we all are.

For you, I would tell the pastor in charge and express your concerns for trips/ interactions/ etc. hopefully he/she will be able to advise you spiritually on how you should proceed, either with full disclosure as you think you must do, or limited only to him/her with accommodations made to help you both manage your incontinence and also do your job. Good luck and may your ministry be blessed.


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 Post subject: Re: Holding back...
PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:32 am 
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Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 12:21 pm
Posts: 8
Location: Switzerland
I totally concur with Tarlton. Speak with you pastor and discuss how to address your issue. He will have enough experience to advise and feeling the support of at least one person is going to give your confidence. Hope that you find a solution. Would love to hear about your progress. God bless you!

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I am newly IC (Urge + OAB) but that doesn't bother me, even as I speak in public. All is about confidence!
Would like to encourage you in your journey of IC.


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 Post subject: Re: Holding back...
PostPosted: Sat Sep 16, 2017 2:11 pm 
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Joined: Sat Sep 02, 2017 11:44 am
Posts: 51
Hey, so what did you do? I hope you managed to get through it. I know exactly how hard it is to tell about your problems to those people around you. I know you are very scared of telling them because you don't know their reaction, you don't know what they will think of you - and nobody want to think lesser. Obviously everyone has his own issues here, I'm just stating the ones that I have encountered on my path of salvation, but I got through - I gained enough self-confidence to talk about it freely - not that I brag about it to random people, but I had the courage to tell those who needed to know - family, friends or coworkers - only those that I thought they should know or it was required for me to tell them to make my job is easier. Cheers, you can do it :)


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 Post subject: Re: Holding back...
PostPosted: Mon Sep 18, 2017 12:01 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2014 12:56 pm
Posts: 105
Location: Florida
West wrote:
Hey, so what did you do? I hope you managed to get through it. I know exactly how hard it is to tell about your problems to those people around you. I know you are very scared of telling them because you don't know their reaction, you don't know what they will think of you - and nobody want to think lesser. Obviously everyone has his own issues here, I'm just stating the ones that I have encountered on my path of salvation, but I got through - I gained enough self-confidence to talk about it freely - not that I brag about it to random people, but I had the courage to tell those who needed to know - family, friends or coworkers - only those that I thought they should know or it was required for me to tell them to make my job is easier. Cheers, you can do it :)


I updated it in the main page. viewtopic.php?f=7&t=2815

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Stressed spelled backward is Desserts... Then make life so much sweeter..


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