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Support for dealing with incontinence
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 Post subject: Re: In a negative way!
PostPosted: Tue Jun 23, 2015 7:10 am 
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Joined: Sun Jan 25, 2015 9:13 am
Posts: 397
I hope you wife comes around to supporting your desision to wear diapers Vers the meds or surgery, my wife has been very supportive right from the start of my OAB condition, she has been with me for every Dr appointments and my visit to the urologist for testing and discussions.

When the urologist finished my tests and brought us in to the room to talk about my options he was really pushing the meds but when he heard I had not taken the flowmax my family doctor prescribed with out doing any tests first his eyes lit up and said Iwas the perfect candidate for the med tests he was apart of. He really tried to sell us on signing up for the blind tests, I asked for a couple of weeks to decide and he pulled the well the testing group might be filled up and you will then have to pay for the meds Vers free if I sign up right away. After the meeting My wife said no way am I taking the meds even before she did her research into the side effects. It was doctors eagerness to sign me up that scared both of us.

Have your wife come to your urologist appointment and tests and get her a few links for side effect information for the most used drugs, after she has the full info she will probably come to the same conclusion you have that meds are not worth the risk.


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 Post subject: Re: In a negative way!
PostPosted: Tue Jun 23, 2015 8:00 am 
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Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 1:29 pm
Posts: 120
Sounds like she wants a normal relationship & you cannot blame her. She needs to be proactive in your issue. She needs to have a voice and you need to let her. Together weigh out the options and then move forward together.


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 Post subject: Re: In a negative way!
PostPosted: Tue Jun 23, 2015 9:58 am 
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Joined: Sat Dec 29, 2012 2:44 pm
Posts: 447
Location: Seattle area
jms,
She may just need more time to process all this. What do diapers on an adult mean to her? Is it a sign that "the end is near?" What a horrible thing to worry about. Let her spend a day or more researching about incontinence. Show her this site, and let her see how widespread this condition is. Have her read the primer so she has a better understanding of what you deal with.

My wife and I worked through those issues years ago and now she is having some incontinence issues of her own. I have been nothing but supportive of her, and we celebrated our 35th anniversary this spring.

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- Tom


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 Post subject: Re: In a negative way!
PostPosted: Tue Jun 23, 2015 12:27 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2013 4:30 pm
Posts: 381
Location: PA - US
jms wrote:
Also she told me, that the thought of me wearing these things was a big turn off for her.


I was thinking about this as I was putting my diaper on this morning. I was wondering how my wife feels. I never really asked her. I don't really find the thought of a person wearing diapers as a turn on. I can understand where she is coming from here. Unfortunately there are those people out there that do find it a turn on, the mods don't allow them here. I hope you can find middle ground and find a way to find each other attractive still. Sex is a staple of marriage. Just because our plumbing doesn't work doesn't meant our libido doesn't work. My wife and I still find ways to keep sex interesting and active.

Good luck. I do hope everything works out for the both of you.

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"Why is the rum always gone?" - Captain Jack Sparrow

"There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise." -
Gore Vidal


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 Post subject: Re: In a negative way!
PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2015 6:33 am 
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Joined: Fri May 17, 2013 8:10 pm
Posts: 65
Location: Denmark
jms
Hope everything is going ok, and that you and your wife have come to terms about your issues.

You say you are going to an urologist sometime in august, maybe she should join you, she might have questions which the urologist can answer?

My wife also had a hard time accepting, that suddenly her husband was having bladder issues, however thankfully my wife came to some sort of acceptance, once she knew that I wasn't having other more serious issues. Anyway I know what you are going through - been there myself, just hang in there!


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 Post subject: Re: In a negative way!
PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2015 9:22 am 
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Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2015 10:04 am
Posts: 29
Location: Calgary Alberta canada
My incontinence was early enough in my life that it really did not change much of my life style. What did make changes was the way I was treated by people as I became an adult and entered the work force. There where always the little whispers and smiles as I passed in the halls of my Career. The sudden silence and change of subjects when I would enter an office. After all of the years people did not realize it was more of an issue in their own minds than in my life. I was lucky that within a few years of my early career I ended up owning the majority of the stock in the company. I had a team of four Executive Assistants that knew and even helped with ordering products and making sure I had them available in every oil producing nation I would visit in my 40 year career. They must have been happy with me, I have been a God Parent to a few of their children and I have been to everyone of their weddings. They are our Christmas Families for Kathy and I, and we love buying gifts for all of the kids.

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Dean & Kathy


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 Post subject: Re: In a negative way!
PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2015 9:44 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 3:50 am
Posts: 234
First, ultimatums never work.

Second, all of the industry standard medications for incontinence control hae the same two side effects. Stroke and death. Look it up and show the list to your wife and see if she would still risk it.

If you have a doctor that is pushing meds hard, he/she has a personal interest in getting you on the meds for reasons other than to help you. (They get paid vacations and money donations to their pet projects if they get enough people on the drugs they are pushing.)

Keep talking and keep your spirits up.

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When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.


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 Post subject: Re: In a negative way!
PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2015 5:25 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2015 10:04 am
Posts: 29
Location: Calgary Alberta canada
I know the conversation has travelled a bit but I wanted to express my thoughts on wives or significant others. I have Kathy and our relationship is based on communication. Talk with your wives and tell them of your concerns about your relationship. Incontinence is not a marriage breaker by no means. it is usually something the incontinent individual is doing to upset the other. Find out what it is and talk it through. Do not be afraid to involve professional counselling if needed.

Breaks my callus old heart to see the number of couples both straight and even gay that have broken up over the challenges that incontinence adds into their relationship. Yes I did say gay, we have friends both male and female that are gay and had issues with each others health. God put us on this earth to love one and other, but you can't love without communication. Oh shit sorry soap box time again. I hate myself when I get preaching.

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Dean & Kathy


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 Post subject: Re: In a negative way!
PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2015 12:18 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2015 6:15 am
Posts: 91
Well, time for an update, though I'm not entirely sure whether it's worth updating on.

Anyway my wife and I had a chat in which I told her about my feelings about her attitude against me.
She was a bit uncomfortable with the agenda, but I remained focused on the topic, me and how I felt about her way of treating me.

I asked her to be honest, and answer my questions as well as listen to me without interrupting me.
I started out telling her, that I loved her and it made me sad that I somewhat felt rejected by her due to my situation and how I deal with it.
She was a bit surprised at first but she revealed to me, that she also still loved me no matter what and that my incontinence issues hadn't affected her feelings towards me, only that if she could smell my wet diaper (And she has a very good nose) she sometimes felt either sad or annoyed, and as she told me, sometimes she thought I did it on purpose, being smelly, just to annoy her.
I told her that often I couldn't smell myself so I wasn't aware of it, and therefore it was a bit hard for me knowing when to change after an accident occured or after several accidents...the beuaty of having to go as often as I have to, with the accidents which happens also, makes it pretty costly to go change each time.

Anyway for now, we seems to have come to an understanding, we have even begun being intimate again, the other day when our son was out playing with hes friends and we had the house for overselves, she came to me and started to cuddle with me, and made the obvious signs to me, that she wanted us to go to the bedroom and do some adult stuff.

A big stone was lifted from my shoulders as it was just like before being with her....I'm not going into details here but I realized that not being intimate with my wife for so long may have contributed to my negative thinking of her. Anyway the talk we had, really helped, as she explained and I also. She still cannot understand my choice in dealing with this bladder issue, but maybe sometime in the future she will. I'm super cautious about how I smell, not that I have ignored it before, but for her sake and mine as well, I pay extra attention...Yes some days are more worse than others, some days I have leaks, but we manage for now.
She just tells me to throw the wet clothes and she will wash it, if an accident have occured in bed, she have asked me to lift the sheet, so that when she get's up she sees it, and can throw it in the washer.

Apparently we are beginning to get things working.....off course I do whatever I can to help her, and deal with my issues the best I can.

Just a small update...in two weeks I'll go to the urodynamics study, I have chosen not to involve my wife for now, maybe later on I will. She has not shown any interest in doing so anyway, and cannot get off from work anyway so I'll go alone.


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 Post subject: Re: In a negative way!
PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2015 2:27 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2013 4:30 pm
Posts: 381
Location: PA - US
That is fantastic news! I'm glad you had the chance to talk. I'm sure it was uncomfortable having that conversation for both of you. And I'm glad you two got to have some adult time. That is so necessary in a mariage relationship. Good luck going forward from here.

_________________
"Why is the rum always gone?" - Captain Jack Sparrow

"There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise." -
Gore Vidal


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