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Support for dealing with incontinence
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 1:51 pm 
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I have never been married, but both my ex girlfriend and my current future girlfriend(relationship is pending recovery from her depression, but we are still attracted to each other) have been very supportive. It breaks my heart to read of those who lost loved ones over this. That is so shallow. I did talk to a woman who accepted the fact that I was incontinent but did not want to pursue a relationship due to the fact that I suffer from depression, despite it being well controlled. Even though I was disappointed, I understood. My ex was in the throes of depression while we were dating and it definitely put a strain on our relationship, but its not why I ended it, it was due to religious differences. So not pursuing someone because they have mental health concerns I can more or less understand(though I would NEVER exclude someone from at least consideration because of that), but a condition such as incontinence that is more inconvenient than impacting health..leaving someone for that is just darn shallow. stealthheli, my heart goes out to you. Did your now ex give a reason why your incontinence was such a problem for her? The truth is, if incontinence was an issue I seriously doubt she should have kids, because diapers come with that job..but the babies cant help it, neither can incontinent adults. I would understand if someone ended a relationship if the person did not wear diapers for legitimate medical need, if they were an AB/DL, but if there were a legitimate need.. there's NO excuse!!

Peace out!

Rob

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Last edited by sociologygeek on Sun Aug 05, 2018 7:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2018 12:12 pm 
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How has incontinence impacted my life?...
I don’t recall a time in my early life that I wasn’t having wetting issues. I remember a lot of embarrassment and being subjected to enormous amounts of teasing and such by my peers. Children can be relentless at tearing down your walls and ultimately destroying your self esteem. In one form or another, I have worn “protection” most of my life due to a neurological birth defect affecting control. I have taken numerous drugs to help control leakage, and some actually helped somewhat , but not without adverse side effects. Surgery and injections have been recommended but up until lately, I didn’t want to go down those paths.
I have instead chosen to deal with the leakage problems and try my best to live a full, active, and fun life. My husband has never made me feel uncomfortable with my leakage problems. My close family that know of my issues rarely mention anything at all.
I have usually been able to deal with my issues with pull ups and poise, though in years past, I have used Depends and like products a lot during the day. At night however it’s been a highly absorbent diaper as I have always leaked heavily at night. I’ve tried nearly all of the brands over the years, and tend to circle back on some with recommendations. Honestly though, I always seem to come back to cloth at night. It’s the only product that generally allows me to sleep well and never fear of leakage.
Lately, I have had to go with much more absorbency during the day, due to heavy leakage. More urologist visits.... more UTI’s... more tests... more drugs.... I’m now finding myself somewhat depressed about the whole thing. Spring/summer is here now (in Texas) and I find myself not feeling comfortable in swimsuits at the beach and around our pool, and lighter warm weather fashions as the thick diaper is very apparent (to me). In the past, I have had fun being outside and enjoying summer activities, but now I simply want to avoid people where possible. Like in the past, I’ll get through this too.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2018 4:42 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 24, 2008 1:03 pm
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Location: OK
Ellyn,

Long before I became bladder incontinent, I became aware of the problems of those dealing with incontinence. My college girlfriend was
bladder incontinent as a result of childhood polio that affected her mobility. Her early recollections of living with this 'stigma' were similar
to what you describe. Her school experiences, with family and friends and social relationships, dating and beyond, etc.

Ironic, that years later, I found myself in the sitation she managed so early in her life. I don't know if this at all prepared me for what
twenty years of bladder incontinence has imposed on me, but it definitely established a baseline of awareness that I have carried from my late teen years as a college student. I've often recalled a lot of her thoughts and feelings about disability and needing to use heavy protection, back when disposables for adults were just NOT available.

I'm in the 'Sun Belt', too. Summer heat is the norm. Like you, I'll often opt for cloth protection at night, simply due to the superb absorbency offered when bulk is not a concern in the privacy of my bedroom. I deal with daytime control being compromised, too. All this the result of a compression injury to my spine long ago. Cauda Equine Syndrome, it's called. I do walk, so my disability is not readily apparent and few are the wiser when when it comes to my incontinence and use of 'protection' 24/7.

I can identify with a lot of what you say. Welcome to this group.

john


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2018 2:31 pm 
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Location: Kent, England
So, it's been a while since I posted here, but things have been happening and I feel like I just need to put it all out there.

My incontinence started in 2012, first urinary, then phases of faecal too.
Since then, my incontinence has come and gone, sometimes with illness bringing it on, sometimes just "because".
I went to the doctor several times, was referred to the urologist at the hospital. Had ultrasounds, blood tests, flow tests, but generally the doctors came back with nothing. I'd be given a course of antibiotics, which might settle my inco down for a while, but it would usually come back at some point.

Having to wear nappies day and night, my wife was very supportive, although as others have said, "spontaneous" intimacy sort of became a thing of the past.
I also began to pass urine during intercourse. Back to the doctor's, but they found nothing wrong.

My wife has suffered from BPD and depression for a number of years. In November last year, her best friend passed away and she was in an incredibly low place. We were also in the middle of moving house.
I suppose it must have been the stress, but my income came back with a vengeance, urine and faecal, day and night over the Christmas period.
Because of how she was feeling after her friend died, and because of how my insides seemed to be in open revolt, I didn't try to instigate any intimacy as I didn't think that she was ready for it.

As a consequence of her mental health issues, she convinced herself that intimacy between us was the cause of my inco, and so she too didn't try to initiate anything for fear of "breaking" me.
She started to then think that I was no longer attracted to her (although that is very much not the case!).

I recently found out she has been in contact with an old flame from her childhood, and actually met up and slept with him quite recently.

I still love her, and she says she still loves me too, but now she has feelings for this other guy.

I feel that my incontinence has ruined my relationship, and I'm somehow to blame :(


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2018 3:19 pm 
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Jimini-Cricket when you become separated from your spouse it is hard to say what caused the relationship to end. My first wife was cheating on my while I was at sea in the Navy. I would have never known if it wasn't for the ship pulling in early and unannounced. I blamed the Navy for driving her away from me. I even was going to take her back and get out of the Navy at the end of my enlistment. I was talking to a buddy of mine and he told me look at other peoples marriages who are in the Navy. I started looking and soon realized it wasn't the Navy that caused the cheating. We had issues between us and we just couldn't work it out. Your incontinence is a medical condition and could it have something to do with it? There really isn't a way to pin it on that. Many marriages go through medical issues and they stay together. I know it is tough right now, but I ended up finding the love of my life 2 years after my divorce and we have been married for a while now. What ever you do just keep moving forward.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2018 8:57 pm 
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Location: Pineville, Louisiana
My wife and I are now separated because of me having to wear diapers all of the time. She hates me wearing diapers and she doesn't feel as if I am the dominant one in the relationship because of them. On 12 September, is our 8 year marriage anniversary. I guess we almost made it 8 years. Even though she has left me and cheated on me with another guy, I am not that upset anymore and it could be the medicine talking. I have stopped caring if other people know if I wear diapers and I am very open to discus it with other people if they notice. I am going to be happy and enjoy my life. I'm not going to let diapers get in my way and I will eventually find a woman who is perfect for me and loves me for who I am and everything about me. I have talked to a couple of women this weekend and got in a conversation about my life and divorce. I told them why she left me and I was shocked by their responses. They said that was no reason for some one to leave. They said they wouldn't of cared and supported the person they were with if they had medical needs. I feel very confident now that I will find the right woman. Don't let diapers change who you are, live and enjoy your life and everything wil turn out okay.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 4:12 pm 
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Jimini-Cricket wrote:
I feel that my incontinence has ruined my relationship, and I'm somehow to blame :(

Don't feel like you are to blame. Not you or anything about you is to blame for her change of heart. I have had IC for 16+ years now and been married for 38. My wife still looks at me odd sometimes when she sees me changing a wet diaper, and so we talk about it. She has IC too, just not as bad as me. She can use pads, I need more. We are still solidly in love and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. You will find such a lady, so give it time and do not become embittered by this bad experience. We have many friends who found the right partner the second time around.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:31 pm 
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For me it actualy improvep our marriage. I don't have full loss of control, and even today I don't wear diapers all the time. So like most people, wearing diapers was the last thing I was going to do. It was my wife who suggested it, after seeing how hard I have it trying to manage my situation. I wasn't receptive at first, even though she correctly pointed out it would improve my life, so she actually got me diapers to try. That is when it realy hit home how supportive and accepting she is, and this lifted out marriage to a new level.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2018 11:43 pm 
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I don't date that much but those I've met generally stop talking about my nappies after all questions are answered.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2018 5:14 pm 
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Joined: Sat Sep 05, 2015 7:51 pm
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Location: Hampton Roads, Virginia
InconLouisiana1983 wrote:
My wife and I are now separated because of me having to wear diapers all of the time. She hates me wearing diapers and she doesn't feel as if I am the dominant one in the relationship because of them. On 12 September, is our 8 year marriage anniversary. I guess we almost made it 8 years. Even though she has left me and cheated on me with another guy, I am not that upset anymore and it could be the medicine talking. I have stopped caring if other people know if I wear diapers and I am very open to discus it with other people if they notice. I am going to be happy and enjoy my life. I'm not going to let diapers get in my way and I will eventually find a woman who is perfect for me and loves me for who I am and everything about me. I have talked to a couple of women this weekend and got in a conversation about my life and divorce. I told them why she left me and I was shocked by their responses. They said that was no reason for some one to leave. They said they wouldn't of cared and supported the person they were with if they had medical needs. I feel very confident now that I will find the right woman. Don't let diapers change who you are, live and enjoy your life and everything wil turn out okay.


Damn, I'm sorry bro. Hang in there, it'll get better eventually.

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