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Support for dealing with incontinence
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 1:51 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2008 12:33 pm
Posts: 1066
Location: MI
I have never been married, but both my ex girlfriend and my current future girlfriend(relationship is pending recovery from her depression, but we are still attracted to each other) have been very supportive. It breaks my heart to read of those who lost loved ones over this. That is so shallow. I did talk to a woman who accepted the fact that I was incontinent but did not want to pursue a relationship due to the fact that I suffer from depression, despite it being well controlled. Even though I was disappointed, I understood. My ex was in the throes of depression while we were dating and it definitely put a strain on our relationship, but its not why I ended it, it was due to religious differences. So not pursuing someone because they have mental health concerns I can more or less understand(though I would NEVER exclude someone from at least consideration because of that), but a condition such as incontinence that is more inconvenient than impacting health..leaving someone for that is just darn shallow. Justin, my heart goes out to you. Did your now ex give a reason why your incontinence was such a problem for her? The truth is, if incontinence was an issue I seriously doubt she should have kids, because diapers come with that job..but the babies cant help it, neither can incontinent adults. I would understand if someone ended a relationship if the person did not wear diapers for legitimate medical need, if they were an AB/DL, but if there were a legitimate need.. there's NO excuse!!

Peace out!

Rob

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"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2018 12:12 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 4:52 pm
Posts: 2
How has incontinence impacted my life?...
I don’t recall a time in my early life that I wasn’t having wetting issues. I remember a lot of embarrassment and being subjected to enormous amounts of teasing and such by my peers. Children can be relentless at tearing down your walls and ultimately destroying your self esteem. In one form or another, I have worn “protection” most of my life due to a neurological birth defect affecting control. I have taken numerous drugs to help control leakage, and some actually helped somewhat , but not without adverse side effects. Surgery and injections have been recommended but up until lately, I didn’t want to go down those paths.
I have instead chosen to deal with the leakage problems and try my best to live a full, active, and fun life. My husband has never made me feel uncomfortable with my leakage problems. My close family that know of my issues rarely mention anything at all.
I have usually been able to deal with my issues with pull ups and poise, though in years past, I have used Depends and like products a lot during the day. At night however it’s been a highly absorbent diaper as I have always leaked heavily at night. I’ve tried nearly all of the brands over the years, and tend to circle back on some with recommendations. Honestly though, I always seem to come back to cloth at night. It’s the only product that generally allows me to sleep well and never fear of leakage.
Lately, I have had to go with much more absorbency during the day, due to heavy leakage. More urologist visits.... more UTI’s... more tests... more drugs.... I’m now finding myself somewhat depressed about the whole thing. Spring/summer is here now (in Texas) and I find myself not feeling comfortable in swimsuits at the beach and around our pool, and lighter warm weather fashions as the thick diaper is very apparent (to me). In the past, I have had fun being outside and enjoying summer activities, but now I simply want to avoid people where possible. Like in the past, I’ll get through this too.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2018 4:42 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 24, 2008 1:03 pm
Posts: 109
Location: OK
Ellyn,

Long before I became bladder incontinent, I became aware of the problems of those dealing with incontinence. My college girlfriend was
bladder incontinent as a result of childhood polio that affected her mobility. Her early recollections of living with this 'stigma' were similar
to what you describe. Her school experiences, with family and friends and social relationships, dating and beyond, etc.

Ironic, that years later, I found myself in the sitation she managed so early in her life. I don't know if this at all prepared me for what
twenty years of bladder incontinence has imposed on me, but it definitely established a baseline of awareness that I have carried from my late teen years as a college student. I've often recalled a lot of her thoughts and feelings about disability and needing to use heavy protection, back when disposables for adults were just NOT available.

I'm in the 'Sun Belt', too. Summer heat is the norm. Like you, I'll often opt for cloth protection at night, simply due to the superb absorbency offered when bulk is not a concern in the privacy of my bedroom. I deal with daytime control being compromised, too. All this the result of a compression injury to my spine long ago. Cauda Equine Syndrome, it's called. I do walk, so my disability is not readily apparent and few are the wiser when when it comes to my incontinence and use of 'protection' 24/7.

I can identify with a lot of what you say. Welcome to this group.

john


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2018 2:31 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2015 3:44 pm
Posts: 8
Location: Kent, England
So, it's been a while since I posted here, but things have been happening and I feel like I just need to put it all out there.

My incontinence started in 2012, first urinary, then phases of faecal too.
Since then, my incontinence has come and gone, sometimes with illness bringing it on, sometimes just "because".
I went to the doctor several times, was referred to the urologist at the hospital. Had ultrasounds, blood tests, flow tests, but generally the doctors came back with nothing. I'd be given a course of antibiotics, which might settle my inco down for a while, but it would usually come back at some point.

Having to wear nappies day and night, my wife was very supportive, although as others have said, "spontaneous" intimacy sort of became a thing of the past.
I also began to pass urine during intercourse. Back to the doctor's, but they found nothing wrong.

My wife has suffered from BPD and depression for a number of years. In November last year, her best friend passed away and she was in an incredibly low place. We were also in the middle of moving house.
I suppose it must have been the stress, but my income came back with a vengeance, urine and faecal, day and night over the Christmas period.
Because of how she was feeling after her friend died, and because of how my insides seemed to be in open revolt, I didn't try to instigate any intimacy as I didn't think that she was ready for it.

As a consequence of her mental health issues, she convinced herself that intimacy between us was the cause of my inco, and so she too didn't try to initiate anything for fear of "breaking" me.
She started to then think that I was no longer attracted to her (although that is very much not the case!).

I recently found out she has been in contact with an old flame from her childhood, and actually met up and slept with him quite recently.

I still love her, and she says she still loves me too, but now she has feelings for this other guy.

I feel that my incontinence has ruined my relationship, and I'm somehow to blame :(


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2018 3:19 pm 
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Joined: Sun Apr 06, 2014 2:50 pm
Posts: 566
Location: Oklahoma
Jimini-Cricket when you become separated from your spouse it is hard to say what caused the relationship to end. My first wife was cheating on my while I was at sea in the Navy. I would have never known if it wasn't for the ship pulling in early and unannounced. I blamed the Navy for driving her away from me. I even was going to take her back and get out of the Navy at the end of my enlistment. I was taking to a buddy of mine and he told me look at other peoples marriages who are in the Navy. I started looking and soon realized it wasn't the Navy that caused the cheating. We had issues between us and we just couldn't work it out. Your incontinence is a medical condition and could it have something to do with it? There really isn't a way to pin it on that. Many marriages go through medical issues and they stay together. I know it is tough right now, but I ended up finding the love of my life 2 years after my divorce and we have been married for a while now. What ever you do just keep moving forward.


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