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Hi All,
how I became incontinent is a very long story, if anyone wants all the details send me a messasge off list.
I was born in 1955, In Bradford, a city in West Yorkshire, in the northern part of the UK. From as early as I can remember I was doubly incontinent, originally I think it was more a case of neglet, I was avery slow learner when I was an infant and I think my mum gave up on toilet training, by the time I started nursery school (age 5) I was still wetting and soiling day and night. AT nursery school it wasn't that big a problem as we still had others in the schools who were the same. However I was still in nappies and rubbers (I'm too old to change my language so what are now vinyl or plastic pants were originally made from rubber, and I still call them rubbers. For those of you who don't know nappies are diapers). Mom tried just about everything to get me toilet trained but by the time I was 4 she just left me to it, if she could be bothered she'd put my in a nappy and rubbers before I left for school, and unless I was very wet at schoold would get changed when I got home. Dad was around but he worked night shifts so I didn't see much of him at that time. Mom had also gone back to work before I started school. As I started to approach junior school (age 7) mom went from what I would call normal attempts at toilet training into more humiliating/punishment methods. If I needed changing she would stand me on newspapaer and strip me at arm's lenght, all the while keeping up a one sided conversation telling me how bad I was, and how naughty I was, I why couldn't be like other children instead of being a baby all the time, she'd then bath me, often leaving me in the bath for extended periods of time. By this time I had outgrown my nappies and although I could still get the rubbers on they werer very tight and afater a while would cut off circulation to my legs, but mum kept me in them, however they did leak, especially at night, so in the morning my bed would be wet and every 2 or 3 days soiled as well. Mums response was now to rub my face in the wet sheets before making me strip the bed and take a bath, if the bed was soiled she still did it. Junior school wasnt prepared to change me or to put with me being wet or soiled in school and they would send for one of my parents (Usually mom as we didn't have a telephone at that time so they couldn't call my dad). She would have to leave work, come and pick me up , take me home, get me chanaged and then take me back to school, after the first year she didn't bother taking me back. When I was about 8 and a half she s tarted to try other methods not of potty training but just to try to save clothes and washing , she'd try to tape thing to me to act as a urine collector and she also tried to use things like parts of broom handles to stop me soiling. About this time we moved and were much closer to my school, so mom and dad decided I could walk home if I needed to, and then wait at home until either dad got up and sorted me out or mum got home and did the same thing. I was still wetting and soiling, Going home alone duringn the day brought me into closer contact with my father, he made it very obvious that Iwas a huge disappointment to him, he wanted a son that would go out andf play football, cricket, go swimming, whereas Iliked to read and play with lego (bricks that connected together). One day my father surprised me by asking If I'd like a day off school to go see a movie, this was unheard of and I jumped at the chance,, however dad said I couldn't tell mum as she wouldn't be happy about it. Over tghe next few months we went to the movies a couple of times, he'd also buy me toys. After about 3 months he started raping me, I can still vividly remember the first time, but most of them are fortunately a blur, that settled down to about twice a week and continued until both my parent were killed In a car accident when I was 12. Immediately following my parents death (21st November) I stayed with my dad's younger sister and her family, she had 5 children 1 older than me by about 6 years the rest younger by between 2 and 5 years. THe 2nd Oldest (Anthony) had Poliomyelitis and was doubly incontinent as a result, My Aunty Kath still had him in nappies ( she sewed and made her own larger ones) as well as larger rubbers which the local hospital provided for her. She was aware I had problems but not how bad they were as it was something that mum and dad didn't really tell the rest of the family about. SO Aunty Kath having had a along talk with me put me back into nappies and rubbers and changed me (and Anthony) as required, however the way she did it was totally opposite to mums method, there were no beating, no punishments, no humilation, other than being changed in front of the rest of the family, I think if they had been allowed to they would have adopted me and my life could have changed from that point. However following the death of my parents both sides of the families started a major fallout, mainly about who was going to get the money, the shop and property that my parents owned and as an afterthought who was going to have me. Somewhere along the line it was decided by my mum's family that I would go to live wiht my mum's sister and he husband and 2 sons (both younger than me ). Aunty Ann wass what we call houseproud, everything had a place and nothing and nob ody disturbed it, especially children, Ann and Roger virtually kidnapped me and I didn't see Aunty Kath for about 3 years, and I never sawe Anthony again, he died. Ann and Roger lived in the midlands (Ropger was with the Air force) so in either the 1st or 2nd week of January I was moved from Bradford to a placee called Bridgenorth (about 300 miles away). Ann obviously didn't know I still wet and soiled when she did find out (halfway to Bridgenorth) it was like being back at home with mum, the humiliation and fairly quickly the beating started again. Thankfully this was short lived as I suspec ANn decided she couldn't look after me and convinced her husband that I should be made a ward of court. On the 3rd of February I was placed in a children;s home in another town in the midlands called Wellington. So in the space of 11 weeks I had lost my paarents, been passed around various family members and taken away from the only place I knew. The Children's home was a revelation and the next 5 years I actually spent there were some of the best times of my entire childhood. Initially they though that my soiling and wetting was psychological, that I was regressing to a younger Safer age and that when I got over all the recent events I would stop. however after about a monthy it was decided I needed to be seen by a doctor, he referred me to the local hospital and they in turn referred me to the major hospital in the area (about 13 miles aaway from where the kid's home was). After various tests it was found that I had a couple of problems, most of my sphincter muscles didn't actually do anything and there also appeared to be some nerve damage as some signals weren't getting through. Also my bowel, colon, and intestines weren't in the right place, they were mirrored so what should havea beeen on the left was on the right and vice versa. THEy also discover a lot of damage that had been done by mum and dad. It was decided the best option would be surgery and so the 1st round was in, on and around my colon and anal muscles. Once surgery was over for the first time ever I could tell when I need to pass a bowel motion and with some sympathetic help from the staff of the children's home I stopped soiling within about 3 weeks of the surgery ( I did have occasional accidents, but usually when I was very unwell) about 2 months after that they performed the surgery on my bladder and the muscles down to the penis. The first lot of surgery wasn't a great success, there was some improvement but I still had very little control. A 2nd round of surgery was more succesful and left me with what was then called urge incontinence (now over active bladder), but that was a great improvemeny and provided the toilet was close enough I could stay dry, nightimes I was still wet on a regular basis, mainly because was a very heavy sleeper and there wasn't enough of an uarge to wake me up. So from then until about 10 years ago I have used some form of pad during the day and usually nappys anbd rubbers at night ( I have tried adult disposables, but I'm a side sleeper and I find disposables leak,), my wife also wasn't happy about the leaks wehich is why we switched to cloth with pants. I know have other health problems including severe osteoporosis of the spine, which has already caused spinal fractures and type 2 diabetes. Recently my incontinence became much worse and following a scan it appears that 1 of the spinal fractures is causing pressure on the spinal nerves and this is causing me to lose some of my bladder control. I've recently be re-assesd by the district nurses and am waiting to find out what my new incontinence pads are going to be. They think I may have to start wearing disposables during the day if I go out of the house, but because I have osteo-athritis in ym hands and my manual dexterity is becoming a problem they are going to try to get the disposable pull up pants for me. So that's where I am at the moment.
Sorry it's been long.
KElvin
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