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 Post subject: How I Became Incontinent
PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2017 7:30 pm 
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Joined: Sat Dec 16, 2017 5:12 pm
Posts: 32
Location: USA
This is not easy for me to talk about. I don’t want to talk about it. I hate being this way. But, I need to accept it. I have been in denial for 8 years. I even hid it as best I could from my DW.
I have always had a weak bladder. Just meant I went to the bathroom more often than others.
I was drafted and did my time in the US Army. I won’t talk about that. But when I was in Southeast Asia, I was always getting urinary infections—always thought it was VD. VA doctors didn’t know what was causing it. While there I passed a kidney stone. Pissing blood is no fun. I drank my troubles away, meaning beer was my breakfast. Being a teenager going though all this BS, I could not handle it. When I got extremely drunk, I would piss my pants and rarely the bed. Doesn’t every drunk go through this?
Anyway, 8 years ago I was diagnosed with prostrate cancer. I was in my 50’s where this cancer will kill you quicker than when you are older. My PSA was low, but my VA doctor said something was wrong. I did the biopsy and my prostrate was covered with cancer cells. One cell was outside the prostrate and getting ready to spread to my bones.
My choice was obvious if I was to live. Two VA specialist told me what could happen if I had this surgery
One was loss of urine control 50-50. They other was unable to have sex. All I was concerned about was the sex (I know what you ladies are thinking :shock: ) During the surgery, something happened and I died on the operating table. To this day I can not get the truth about what happened to me and my VA doctor looked into it and my VA medical records stated everything went normal. I was in ICU for a long time and kept my DW from seeing me. She was pissed and I was to drugged up to know what was going on.
To speed this up...I have been wearing pull ups all provided for by the VA for the last 8 years. I have been leaking, having wet jeans and the bed. I hid all this from my DW. Lately, it has been getting worse. I don’t like it but I don’t know what to do. I am trying to accept this new way of life for me. I finally talked to my DW about it. And after 8 years, I just threw out my expensive boxer shorts. I am trying to get the VA to give me another type of brief—tab type. In the meantime, I have to wear vinyl pants and that is working. I can’t believe I just told all of you this. As far as the sex, my penis is dead :( I even overdosed on viagra—still dead. I have many other problems and between my DW and the VA, I haven’t blown my brains out. Especially because of my dear sweet wife of 39 years.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:29 pm 
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Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:16 am
Posts: 167
Location: Ohio
Hi Bill and Welcome from another (relatively) new member. You have found a great place to learn, interact, and talk to others going through similar experiences. I count myself extremely fortunate for stumbling upon this forum a while back.

While it definitely can be difficult to talk about, I've found that in my case, talking about it has helped me deal with it, accept it, and keep moving forward. I have confided in a few select friends, who have been very understanding and have listened to me ramble on about my concerns and how being incontinent has changed my life. Thankfully, my wife has been extremely supportive, and I hope that is the case for you, too.

Though I can't speak to your VA experience and your other issues (but I am sorry you have had to go through all that) what I can say is that, for me and many others here, there is life after incontinence. Hang in there and take care!

_________________
"When you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2017 11:36 pm 
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Joined: Sat Dec 16, 2017 5:12 pm
Posts: 32
Location: USA
Thank you for your support. I have always had support from my wife. She keeps me alive. I cannot tell anyone I know of my problem. I keep isolated from the world. I am a disabled veteran. I think only Vietnam vets are the only ones that can understand me. I have 3 doctors at the VA, and they like to throw drugs at me like you would not believe. I quit drinking a long time ago, but even with all the drugs they put me on, I have nightmares almost every night. There was a time of about 20 years where I buried all those memories. And my life was productive. Something triggered all those memories back. I am now an addict thanks to the VA. My diabetes has been getting worse. I think I'm falling apart :roll: I just checked with the VA and they are sending me the taped briefs. I hope they are not junk. If I had to pay for disposable diapers myself, I couldn't afford it. If they send me junk, I will have no choice but to go buy the reusable type.

I guess I can talk about it over the internet, just not in person. I have a lot to learn. I hope the people on this forum are serious about this real problem and can help me deal with it. I have a long drive coming up and I don't know what to do. I asked my wife and she does not know. What's this backpack thing? How do you change on the road? I can't tell when I need to change. I sleep on my side so does this mean my only option is plastic pants? We purchased a mattress protector back when I had my surgery, so the mattress is fine.

Do I sound like a newbie? Maybe a screwed up newbie? Did I mention I hate this. My body is betraying me. Help me. Maybe I'm just rolling in self pity. I see that there are young people who deal with this with self confidence, and are still happy with life and their bodies. Maybe happy is the wrong word--acceptance. To make the best out of the situation. I guess I should look in the mirror.

Bill


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 7:39 am 
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Joined: Sun Oct 20, 2013 3:45 pm
Posts: 1598
Location: North Carolina - Raleigh area
Bill, welcome from another Vietnam vet. You are in a good place to talk with people who have shared many of the same experiences as you and know how difficult it can be to just talk about these topics.. Sometimes just venting to someone who understands can help. Most of us here vent from time to time.

--John
(double incontinent; diapers 24/7, cloth at night)


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 8:35 am 
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Joined: Sun Apr 06, 2014 2:50 pm
Posts: 652
Location: Oklahoma
Bill, Welcome to the group from another Vet, although a Navy one we still served and suffered. My time wasn't in Vietnam, but recent. My hat is off to those who served during that time frame as y'all did not get the welcome home y'all deserved nor the understanding of the hell y'all went through(if that is even possible).

There is a lot of useful information buried in this forum, from the diaper primer to other discussions on how to get through certain situations. Please feel to research my posts. Somewhere in those post and with the help of another Veteran, I describe the process I went through to get better tabbed briefs. I will PM you with the letter I wrote also. Others have fought with the VA and eventually received the briefs best for them. I wished the VA had a better understanding of this, instead of cheaper the better. I had to go through several items before getting the items I needed. I have donated a couple of cases in the past to Goodwill since they didn't work for me.

For your travel, I will say this no one seems to bat an eye at you bringing in a bag to the bathroom. I have had to do it several times at truck stops and local gas stations. Heck the other day I had to bring it into a department store to change. I just took it straight back to the car after changing. I even had my bag searched at a NBA game and nothing was said at both places.

It sounds you wife wants to help you with this issue and I still have issues talking to my wife about it, but what little I have opened up she was very supportive and gave recommendation on certain things. I would talk to her a little at a time about it.

It is difficult to accept at first, but with time I have reached to point of just not caring about it I just take care of it. I don't announce it to the world, but it is a disability I suffer from after my mini stroke. I wish you the best of luck on you journey and feel free to vent all you want in here.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 11:07 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2014 11:45 am
Posts: 1308
Add my welcome to those above. Being able to vent here, among folks who endure the same or similar issues, is invaluable to me, and I hope it will be for you also. You may decide that an inventory of cloth diapers, although initially expensive, will over time actually be cheaper, and offer more reliable protection.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 11:19 am 
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Joined: Sat Dec 16, 2017 5:12 pm
Posts: 32
Location: USA
JDinVirginia wrote:
Bill, welcome from another Vietnam vet. You are in a good place to talk with people who have shared many of the same experiences as you and know how difficult it can be to just talk about these topics.. Sometimes just venting to someone who understands can help. Most of us here vent from time to time.

--John
(double incontinent; diapers 24/7, cloth at night)


How do you live from day to day? Why did those memories come back? I live with suicide thoughts every day. I keep myself isolated from everyone. If I could, I would be in the mountains surrounded by claymores. I sleep with a 357 mag at night and during the day .380 semi right next to me in my recliner. I’m expecting a war? Someone’s coming to get me? I have vivid pictures in my head that won’t go away no matter how much drugs the VA gives me. I could talk for hours... How do you live from day to day? Like I mentioned it is my wife keeping me alive. DidI mention I have always owned German shepherds? They protect me and my wife. Christmas is a bad time for me. One reason is my father-in-law died on that day from cancer after serving 3 tours in Vietnam retired from the Army. Sorry for talking too much, I’m probably scarring people. This is the wrong place to discuss this.

Bill


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 4:05 pm 
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Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2014 11:45 am
Posts: 1308
If you spend much time reading past posts, you will know we all vent from time to time. It's the nature of the beast with incontinence. Add to that the long-term effects of PTSD, and your situation can become dire indeed. I hope we can be of service in this regard.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 4:46 pm 
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Joined: Sat Dec 16, 2017 5:12 pm
Posts: 32
Location: USA
Patrick wrote:
If you spend much time reading past posts, you will know we all vent from time to time. It's the nature of the beast with incontinence. Add to that the long-term effects of PTSD, and your situation can become dire indeed. I hope we can be of service in this regard.


Thank you Patrick for your support. I am sorry for talking about non-incontinent issues. I’m learning about my needs and another member is kind enough to help me out with where I get my supplies and how. I will try and stay focused.

Bill


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 7:25 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 03, 2014 8:08 pm
Posts: 480
Location: York, Maine
Bill,

Welcome. Thank You for your service. You are among like minded people here, we almost all wear diapers to deal with incontinence of varying degrees. Many of us have issues with acceptance of said incontinence, we are here to help and listen. Some of us suffer from PTSD and other mental health issues (depression, generalized anxiety, and Bipolar II here) it sounds like you are having a difficult time with acceptance, once again; we are here to listen and very much understand what you’re going through. Incontinence makes travel difficult but not impossible, you need to find a good diaper that works for you. Most of us find our chosen diaper(s) by trial and error. Trying many different diapers until we find the one that works best for our needs. For travel it is best to pack a diaper bag with a couple spare diapers, wipes, plastic bags for disposal, and perhaps a change of clothing just in case. Most of us carry a well stocked diaper bag wherever we go. Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.


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